Barbara Angelis - The Real Rules - How to Find the Right Man for the Real You

Instead THE REAL RULES are based on the positive principle of LOVE—loving and honoring your own thoughts, needs, and feelings as a woman, loving and honoring your partner’s own thoughts, needs, and feelings as a man, and expressing that love for yourself and for him by practicing honesty, kindness, and respect in all of your behaviors and communications.

There are 25 REAL RULES I’ll be sharing with you in the following chapters. All of THE REAL RULES are based on these basic principles that I call

#1. The purpose of your life isn’t to get married. The purpose of your life is to grow into the most loving, fulfilled, real woman you can be.

#2. Your love life shouldn’t focus on getting a man, but rather on finding the right man for the real you.

#3. Once you have found the right man, the goal shouldn’t be getting him to make the ultimate commitment, but rather, creating a healthy, loving, mutually respectful real relationship.

#4. When you create a healthy, mutually respectful, real relationship with the right man, a loving commitment between you will naturally occur.

Soon I’ll be presenting the specific REAL RULES, but you can start replacing OLD RULES THINKING with REAL RULES THINKING even after reading just these few pages. Here’s a chart to help you:

I’m so excited to share this information with you. I know it’s going to make an enormous difference in your life, just as it did in mine. You deserve to know about THE REAL RULES!!!

Have you been tempted to try out some so-called “techniques” you recently read in a book or magazine about THE OLD RULES in hope of getting a man to fall in love with you, or getting your boyfriend to propose?

Does the advice you heard from your mother or from friends about how to “play hard to get with men” ever run through your mind, and do you find yourself wondering if it might work for you?

Are you embarrassed to admit that, even though you disagree with them, you’ve secretly considered using some of THE OLD RULES because you’re so tired of being single?

If you answered “yes,” “maybe,” or even “I’m not sure”: STOP EVERYTHING AND READ THIS CHAPTER NOW!! Before you go out on your next date, before you talk to a man on the phone, or before you even leave the house, think about this:

• Practicing THE OLD RULES can sabotage your self-esteem and take away your real power in relationships.

• Practicing THE REAL RULES, you’ll not only find the right man for you, but you’ll also feel more self-confident than ever before in all areas of your life.

Most women I know don’t just want a great relationship—whether they’re seventeen or seventy, they also want to feel fulfilled and powerful in their life. All of us would like to make our dreams come true, whether those dreams are to create a happy marriage and loving family, or to have our own, successful business. The dictionary defines the word “powerful” as meaning strong, capable, confident, effective, and impressive , versus feeling powerless—helpless, weak, ineffective, and dependent. Along with feeling powerful, most of us want to feel good about ourselves— we want a strong sense of confidence and self-esteem. And naturally, the more self-esteem you possess, the more capable and powerful you feel, and the more you attract the right people in life.

Well, guess what: every time you put one of the OLD RULES into practice, you are sabotaging your self-esteem and power. THE OLD RULES may seem like a silly, harmless method for getting a husband, but they’re actually much more dangerous than that, because each time you act on an OLD RULE, you’re reinforcing negative beliefs about yourself.

The premise of THE OLD RULES is that your purpose is to find a man and get him to marry you. You are the hunter, and he is the prey. Your goal is to catch him. But THE OLD RULES say that a man won’t naturally want to make a commitment to you—he doesn’t want to be caught—so somehow, you have to trick him into it:

• You can’t reveal too much about who you are, or he’ll get turned off.

• You can’t show your true feelings, or he’ll lose interest.

• You can’t be too honest, or he’ll become bored with you.

• You have to look unattainable. Then, because he thinks he can’t have you, he’ll want you, and you’ve got him!!!!

This is what THE OLD RULES are all about—methods for getting what you want from a man by being covert, dishonest, and withholding love. There’s a word for this kind of behavior:

Manipulation is the opposite of true power. When you are a powerful woman, you don’t have to manipulate someone in order to get what you want. You don’t have to pretend, play games, hide the truth, or put on an act.

This brings us to the second premise of THE OLD RULES—that you need to figure out what a particular man wants in a woman and become that so you are “easy to be with.” Your goal is to fit into his picture of his ideal woman. You don’t want him to have an excuse to reject you, so you act the way you think he wants you to act: Another word for this demeaning behavior is:

Masquerade is the opposite of true self-esteem and self-confidence. When you truly love and respect yourself, you don’t have to hide parts of your personality from a man so he won’t be “scared off.” You don’t have to lie about your feelings by acting mysterious, or bury your beliefs and opinions beneath a demure smile as you sweetly say, “Whatever you want is fine with me.”

So each time you choose to follow an OLD RULE, you are reinforcing feelings of powerlessness, of low self-esteem: It’s as if you are saying:

“I’m not smart enough, wonderful enough, or interesting enough to get a man to want to spend his life with me just by being me, so I am going to have to manipulate him into wanting me, and masquerade as someone I’m not.”

Here’s why the Two “M’s,” Manipulation and Masquerade , are the enemies of true power and self-esteem and why THE OLD RULES don’t work:

1. You never develop true confidence when you use Manipulation and Masquerade on men. Since you know you got the guy’s interest or love based on NOT behaving naturally, and NOT being yourself, you’ll never feel relaxed, or trust his love for you.

2. You never develop true power when you use Manipulation and Masquerade on men. Since you know you used artificial techniques to get a man interested in you, you are DEPENDENT on those techniques to keep him. You can never feel truly powerful when you’re DEPENDENT on something outside yourself.

3. There is a secret formula all men recognize hidden in THE OLD RULES: