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I stood there silent, unsure of what to say next. I think it was this silence that gave her permission to continue being aggressive because it quickly got out of hand. She starting cursing and repeating the phrase "I’m going to fuck you up." My friends arrived from the other side of the parking lot and tried to calm her down, but she wanted to fight me and nothing was going to change her mind. Now I’m not sure why I didn’t move farther away from her, especially when she started cocking her neck back and forth, but next thing I remember was a fist coming right at my face. I leaned back but she clocked me in my left eye. My friends grabbed her and I walked away with my hand on my face, shocked and embarrassed. I couldn’t believe I got punched in the face by a girl.

On the ride home there was lots of laughter at my expense as I checked the passenger seat mirror for signs of a black eye. I went to sleep and woke up a humbled man. The next time I went out I couldn’t do a single approach. I was scared I’d say the wrong thing again and incite female rage. But then I thought about it. This rare and extreme event is the worst thing that can happen to me and only my ego was injured. The meaning of what happened can be whatever I make it out to be, positive or negative, so I might as well go positive. I can let this one girl change my life, ending my journey to be a player right then and there in that parking lot, or I can barrel through this failure to reach the next success, which I’m one gigantic step closer to achieving. Weeks after this incident, I became an approach machine. I was doing it without hesitation or fear. If the worst that can happen from approaching a woman is an embarrassing but funny story, then maybe getting punched in the face isn’t so bad. Now you don’t have to get punched in the face to be successful with approaching, but you must have the belief that everything happens for the sole reason to improve your game. The last thing you want to do is let a rare incident affect your behavior. Scientists call these extreme responses the "outliers," and they do nothing to contribute to the statistical significance of your hypothesis. That is, they don’t matter. Instead, look at things in terms of the big picture. What is the trend? What happened the last ten girls you approached? If seven of them punched you in the face but three of them wanted to bang you right there in the club bathroom, then you’re actually doing quite well. It’ll be hard for you to make it long in the game if your brain absorbs every negative incident like a dirty bathroom rug. That drunk white girl in Baltimore wasn’t only punching me but she was punching my lame line, the guy who grabbed her ass in the club, and the friend who refuses to return her Hootie and the Blowfish CD. She was rejecting my approach but not me because she didn’t know who I was. The only time a girl does reject you for who you are is when she has known you for years. When she knows you for a minute, a day, a week, or a month, you are not getting rejected for who you are, you are getting rejected for who she thinks you are. She is using a small slice of what you presented to place you in a category that she can understand. Because we have no final say in how women see us, it makes little sense to absorb rejection as something personal. But unfortunately, I see guys taking it personal every time I go out. When a guy approaches a group of girls and gets blown out, you will often hear him say something like, "Well you’re fat anyway," in the presence of his safe group of guy friends. Once you start verbally attacking your targets, your game goes from trying to maximize results to one of pitiful revenge.

The likelihood of you making an approach is correlated to your mood. Your mind will not be open or ready to approach if you have been especially introverted, silent, or mopey during most of the day. Those qualities shut down your ability to take social risks, which we do in the form of approaches. It’s best to train yourself to be "always on" in an extroverted, talkative, and risk-taking state of mind that will increase the likelihood of approaching. Think of yourself as my computer, which I leave on during the day even when I’m not using it because of the time it takes to boot up. You don’t want to go through the arduous task of psyching yourself up just to say something to a girl you like in line at the coffee shop. The game doesn’t start when you put on your cologne to go out at night, it starts when you are brushing your teeth in the morning and think, "Today I will take advantage of opportunities presented to me." You pump yourself up before you even walk out the door, so if you do run into a cute girl the decision to act was already made. If you find yourself in an amazing mood where you are feeling especially positive and energetic, it’d be smart to get yourself in a place where there are girls. This is a peak state that corresponds to a higher level of success. Part of your mood is based on how presentable you feel to the opposite sex. If you haven’t showered in days and you are wearing wrinkled clothes picked from the hamper, and you feel like a homeless bum wearing it, you will be more hesitant to approach. You don’t have to wear expensive clothing, but when you step out the house, regardless of where you are going, assume that there will be a golden approach opportunity. Do you feel comfortable talking to a girl in what you are wearing?

I used to only shave on Friday mornings to prepare for going out on the weekends. But then when I would step out on the following Wednesday or Thursday, looking scraggly and not my best (in my mind), I created a situation where it was unlikely I would approach. Looking mediocre except for the weekend meant I was walking out the door five days a week mentally prepared to do nothing. I was needlessly increasing the "activation energy" to approach. Activation energy is a well-understood biochemistry concept. One of the first things a biochemist learns is how a chemical reaction occurs in the body. Your genome codes for thousands of enzymes, which act as catalysts to promote reactions that otherwise wouldn’t happen on their own. Enzymes make things happen. For any chemical reaction to take place, it must get over this hump called the activation energy, which is a natural barrier that prevents the original substance from converting to the final product. Getting over this hump is like pushing a rock over a hill―once it passes the top, gravity takes over and it rolls down with ease. Think of approaching women as a chemical reaction with this big activation energy. The enzyme is your brain, full of knowledge, and as time goes on, experience. As you build confidence and become capable, you lower the activation energy, turning the approach from something that never happens on its own to something that happens regularly. One way to lower the activation energy is to go out with a look that you feel comfortable in. Each change that makes you feel more comfortable and confident is probably not that significant on its own, but they all have the cumulative effect of helping to push you over that hill. If this barrier to approach didn’t exist, every guy would approach every cute girl he sees.

While some venues are easier to approach than others, women can be approached anywhere. There are no rules that tell you where you can or cannot game, but when starting out you will probably do most of your approaches in bars or clubs because that’s where a large number of women tend to congregate. Bars and clubs are loud, smoky, and artificial, but they offer the most opportunity for practice. There are not many other places I can go to that has a dozen or two attractive women I can approach. Bars will be a better bet for you until you get decent at dancing because clubs are louder and the girls there are more concerned with appearances. While you probably won’t meet your dream girl in a bar or club, you will gain enough experience in these venues to be more prepared when you do meet her elsewhere. There is a question of whether or not you should drink alcohol. You can run game while completely sober in a bar without problems, but chances are you will find your intoxicated targets to be intolerable or they will find your sobriety weird. As long as you don’t use alcohol as a crutch to talk to girls, do what you feel most comfortable with. In general, it does help to be on the same level of inebriation as the girl you are talking to. That means if you are not drinking, you may want to talk to the designated driver instead of the birthday girl who is about to pass out.