Ian Doescher - William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

The silence of the night doth mark my work
And like a gentle breeze sweeps o’er the air.
In stealth I move throughout the palace dark,
That no one shall bear witness to my acts.
Now cross the court, with footsteps nimbly plac’d.
Ne’er did a matter of such weight depend
Upon a gentle footfall in the night.
Put out the light, and then relume his light—
Aye, now I spy my goal: the frozen Han.
Thy work is finish’d, feet. Now ’tis the hands
That shall a more profound task undertake.
Quick to the panel, press the needed code.
O swiftly fly, good hands, and free this man
From his most cold and undeservèd cell.
O true decryptionist, thy codes are quick!
The scheme hath work’d, the carbonite doth melt.
Forsooth, ’tis done—within the silent dark
The greatest light doth sing within my heart!

[ To Han Solo: ] Relax thou for a moment; thou art free
Of carbonite’s embrace, but thou dost burn
From this harsh hibernation malady.

I cannot see.

—Thine eyesight shall return.

But where am I?

—In Jabba’s Palace you
Have been detain’d.

—Who art thou, voice severe?
[Boushh removes his mask to reveal Princess Leia.

The one whose heart and soul do love thee true.

O, Leia!

—Come, and let’s away from here.

Ho, ho, ho.

—O, that laugh, it works me woe.
’Tis too familiar in my memory,
And like a chime from Hell’s forsaken bells
Doth ring most evilly within mine ears.

Oofila mooga bos.

—Pray, Jabba, see:
I was upon my way to pay thee back,
And in returning happen’d on a course
That ran the other way. ’Tis not my fault.

Achi pahbuk moonitnuh, Solo, bah.
Akingsah rebah bachmanah bakmah
Jaja weetnowah bantha poodoo, ho!

He shall be bantha fodder, O, ’tis true—
A Solo may make progress through the guts
Of banthas! Aye, my master’s passing wise.

I’ll pay thee triple, Jabba, thou canst not
Deny this fortune—be thou not a fool!

Nakko, kosleeya ni.

—Now shall I be
His plaything? [ To Jabba: ] We have friends most powerful.
Thou shalt, with all thy heart, regret this act.

Bana madota, heah.

—Why were my eyes
E’er made to see, when such as this must be
Within my sight? I cannot bear to watch.

What fate is this? What curs’d, unearnèd path?
Within a minute rescu’d by my love,
Then taken from her unto this grim place.
How long was I in carbonite encas’d?
Am I an old man now, with graying hair?
What jubilant occasions have I miss’d?
What friends have died, or have been lost fore’er?
Hath our Rebellion disappointed been,
Or is it now fulfill’d with all success?
Because I do not know how long I’ve slept,
Or what transpir’d while I was frozen thus,
It seems my mind is sluggish to defrost.

Grrm.

—Yet another sound familiar, but
This one doth bring delight into my soul.
Chewbacca? Prithee, tell me, Chewie, is
It thou who art here with me?

—Auugh.

—Sweet joy!
What bounty of affection do I feel
For thee, dear Wookiee. I cannot yet see,
But knowing thou art here doth warm my heart.
I prithee, give me news of all that is.

Egh, auugh!

—What sayst thou? Luke—a Jedi Knight?
What strange tomfoolery! Luke is but young,
Not made for rescues.

—Auugh!

—Thou dost report
I have been gone a time but fleeting, so
Have all acquir’d delusions of some grandeur?
And what of Han? Have I been left behind?
O thought most base, O destiny unkind.

The time is now, the place is here, the man
Myself, the matter: rescue of my friends.
Be focus’d, mind; be settl’d, heart and soul.
I enter unto Jabba’s palace for
One purpose and that purpose by itself:
My friends to find and bring deliverance.
Now to it, Luke, and earn the Jedi name,
Not by thy might, but by thy calm and wit.

Yo mot tu cheep, do you pan Skywalker.
Nuh Jabba mo bah toe baht too.

—Nay, Sir.
I tell thee: I shall speak with Jabba now.

Nuh Jabba no two zand dehank obee.

Thou shalt take me to Jabba presently.

Naja takka to Jabba prekkenlee.

Thou servest thy proud master well, and shall,
In time, receive from him a great reward.

Eye sota y’locha. Ba chu noya trot.