Robert Asprin - Mything Persons

Money isn't the object."

"It isn't?"

I think everybody grabbed that line at the same time

... even Pepe, who hadn't known Aahz all that long.

"Of course not. You can always get more gold. What

can't be replaced is time. We all know Skeeve here has a

long way to go in the magic department. What the rest

of you keep forgetting is how short a life span he has to

play with... maybe a hundred years if he's lucky. All

I'm trying to do is get him the maximum learning time

possible... and that means keeping him from using up

mos,t of his time on nickel-and-dime adventures. Let the

smalltime operators do those. My partner shouldn't

have to budge away from his studies unless the assign-

ment is something really spectacular. Something that

will advance his reputation and his career."

There was a long silence while everybody digested

that one, especially me. Since Aahz had accepted me as

a full partner instead of an apprentice, I tended to for-

get his role as my teacher and career manager. Thinking

back now, I could see he had never really given up the

work, just gotten sneakier. I wouldn't have believed

that was possible.

"How about this particular nickel-and-dime adven-

ture?" Tananda said, breaking the silence. "You know,

pulling your tail out of a scrape? Isn't this a little low-

brow for the kind of legend you're trying to build?"

The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable, but it

didn't phase Aahz in the least.

"If you'll ask around, you'll find out that I didn't

want him along on this jaunt at all. In fact, I knocked

him cold trying to keep him out. A top-flight magician

shouldn't have to stoop to bill collecting, especially

when the risk is disproportionately high."

"Well, it all sounds a little cold-blooded for my taste,

Aahz," Chumley put in. "If you extend your logic, our

young friend here is only going to work when the danger

is astronomically high, and conversely if the advance-

ment to his career is enough, no risk is too great. That

sounds to me like a sure-fire way to lose a partner and a

friend. Like the Geek says, if you keep bucking the

odds, sooner or later they're going to catch up with

you."

My partner spun to confront the troll nose-to-nose.

"Of course it's going to be dangerous," he snarled.

"The magic profession isn't for the faint of heart, and

to hit the top he's going to have to be hair-triggered and

mean. There's no avoiding that, but I can try to be sure

he's ready for it. Why do you think I've been so dead-

set against him having bodyguards? If he starts relying

on other people to watch out for him, he's going to lose

the edge himself. That's when he's in danger of walking

into a swinging door."

That brought Guido into the fray.

"Now let me see if I've got this right," my bodyguard

said. "You don't want me and my cousin Nunzio

around so that the Boss here can handle all the trouble

himself? That's crazy talk, know what I mean? Now

listen to me, 'cause this time I know what I'm sayin'.

The higher someone gets on the ladder, the more folks

come huntin' for his head. even if they don't do nothin'

they got people gunning for them, 'cause they got power

and respect and there's always somebody who thinks

they can steal it. Now I've seen some of the Big Guys

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Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 135

who try to act just like you're sayin'... they're so

scared all the time they don't trust nothin' or nobody.

The only one they can count on is themselves, and

everybody else is suspect. That includes total strangers,

their own bodyguards, their friends, and their partners.

Think about that for a minute."

He leaned back and surveyed the room, addressing

his next comments to everyone.

"People like that don't last long. They don't trust

nobody, so they got nobody. Ya can't do everything

alone and sooner or later they're lookin' the wrong way

or asleep when they should be watchin' and it's all over.

Now I've done a lot of jobs as a bodyguard, and they

were just jobs, know what I mean? The Boss here is dif-

ferent, and I'm not just sayin' that. He's the best man

I've met in my whole life because he likes people and

ain't afraid to show it. More important, he ain't afraid

to risk his neck to help somebody even if it isn 't in his

best interest. I work double hard for him because I

don't want to see anything happen to him ... and if that

means comin' along on weird trips like this, then that's

the way it is. Anybody that wants to hurt him is gonna

have to come through me ... and that includes fightin'

any of you if you want to try to turn him into somethin'

he isn't and doesn't want to be."

Massha broke in with a loud clapping of her hands.

"Bravo, Guido," she said. "I think your problem,

Green and Scaly, is that your idea of success is out of

step with everyone else's. We all want to see good things

happen for Skeeve, here, but we also like him just the

way he is. We've got enough faith in his good sense to

back him in whatever move he makes in his develop-

ment... without trying to frog-march or trick him up a

specific path."

Aahz not only gave ground before this onslaught of

protest, he seemed to shrink in a little on himself.

"I like him too," he mumbled. "I've known him

longer than any of you, remember? He's doing fine, but

he could be so much more. How can he choose a path if

he can't see it? All I'm trying to do is set him up to be

bigger than I ... than we could ever think of being

ourselves. What's wrong with that?"

Despite my irritation at having my life discussed as if

I weren't in the room, I was quite touched, by my

friends' loyal defense of me, and most of all by Aahz.

"You know, partner," I said softly, "for a minute

there, you sounded just like my father. He wanted me to

be the best... or more specifically, to be better than he

was. My mom always tried to tell me that it was because

he loved me, but at that time it just sounded like he was

always being critical. Maybe she was right... I'm more

inclined to believe it today than I was then, but then

again, I'm older now. If nothing else, I've had to try to

tell people I love them when the words just won't come

. .. and gotten upset with myself when they couldn't see

it when I tried to show them.

"Aahz, I appreciate your concern and I want your

guidance. You're right, there are paths and options I

can't even comprehend yet. But I also have to choose

my own way. I want to be better eventually than I am

today, but not necessarily the best. I think Guide's

right, there's a big price tag attached to being at the top,

and I'd want to think long and hard if I wanted to pay it

... even if I was convinced I could, which I'm not. I do

know that if it means giving up the trust I have in you

and everybody else in this room, I'll settle for being a

nickel-and-dime operator. That price I'll never pay will-

ingly."

Silence started to descend again as each of us re-

treated into his or her own thoughts, then the werewolf

bounded into the middle of the assemblage.

"But what is this, eh?" he demanded. "Surely this

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Robert Asprin

cannot be ze great team of Aahz and Skeeve, ze ones

who can laugh at any dan-gair? "

"You know, Pepe," Aahz said warningly, "you've

got a great future as a stuffed head."