Robert Asprin - Mything Persons

adornments.

"Got a minute, partner?"

From the tone of Aahz's voice, I knew the moment I

had been dreading had arrived.

MYTH-ING PERSONS 141

Chumley didn't have to worry about a disguise at all,

as trolls were not uncommon in this dimension. Ta-

nanda also insisted that she looked enough like a vam-

pire to pass with only minimal modifications. I hadn't

seen any vampires withgreen hair, but she claimed that

she had, so, as always, I yielded to her greater ex-

perience in these matters. I was also on the "minimal

disguise" list, everyone agreeing that no one in Blut had

gotten enough of a look at me to fix the image in their

mind. While I wasn't wild about being so unmemorable,

I went along with it ... especially when I saw what

Guido and Massha were going through. The problems

with those two notables have already been mentioned:

troublesome, but not insurmountable. Then there was

Aahz....

"Is there something wrong?" I asked innocently.

"You bet your dragon there's something wrong!" my

partner snarled. "And don't try to play innocent with

me! It didn't work when you were my apprentice, and it

sure isn't going to work now."

Aahz's disguise had presented us with some knotty

problems. Not only was he the most wanted member of

our party, he was also easily the most distinctive. After

the trial and his time in jail, it was doubtful that there

was a single citizen of Blut who wouldn't recognize him

on sight. I mean, there just aren't that many scaly green

demons wandering around any dimension... except

possibly his home dimension of Perv. It was therefore

decided... almost unanimously... that not only

would we change my partner's color with make-up, but

that it would also be necessary to change his sex.

"Does this, perchance, have something to do with

your disguise?" I inquired, trying to keep a straight

face.

"Yes, it has something to do with my disguise," he

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Robert Asprin

mimicked, "and, so help me, partner or no, if you let

that smile get away, I'll punch your lights out. Under-

stand?"

With a great effort I sucked my cheeks in and bit my

lower lip.

"Seriously, though," he said, almost pleading, "a

joke's a joke, but you don't really expect me to go out in

public looking like this, do you?"

In addition to the aforementioned make-up, Aahz's

disguise required a dress and a wig. Because of the size

of his head (a problem Vilhelm had wisely down-played

as much as possible) the selection of wigs available had

been understandably small. In fact, the only available in

his size was a number called "Lady Go-GoDiva," which

involved a high blonde beehive style offset by a long

ponytail that hung down to his knees. Actually, the

ponytail turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as the

dark blue dress Vilhelm had selected for my partner

turned out to have an exceptionally low neckline, and

the hair draped over his shoulder helped hide the prob-

lem we had had finding ample or suitable material to

stuff his bosom with.

"As my wise old mentor once told me when I was

faced with a similar dilemma," I said sagely, "what

does it matter what people think of you? They aren't

supposed to know it's you, anyway. That's the whole

idea of a disguise."

"But this get-up is humiliating!"

"My words precisely when someone else I could name

deemed it necessary for me to dress up as a girl, remem-

ber?"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Aahz glowered,

peering at me suspiciously.

"Well, there are a couple of other options," I ad-

mitted.

MYTH-ING PERSONS 143

"That's more like it!" he grinned, reaching for his

wig.

"You could stay behind. ..."

His hand stopped just short of its mission.

"... or we could forget the whole thing and pay the

fine ourselves."

The hand retreated as my partner's shoulders sagged

in defeat. I felt no joy at the victory. If anything, I had

been half hoping he would be embarrassed enough to

take me up on my suggestion of abandoning the project.

I should have known better. When there's money in-

volved, it takes more than embarrassment to throw

Aahz off the scent....hether the embarrassment is his

own or someone else's.

"All right, everybody,"- I called, hiding my disap-

pointment. "Are we ready to go?"

"Remember your sunglasses!" Tananda added.

That was the final touch to our disguises. To hide our

non-red eyes, each of us donned a pair of sunglasses.

Surveying the final result, I had to admit that aside from

Tananda and Chumley, we didn't look like us. Exactly

what we did look like I wouldn't venture to say, but we

sure didn't look like usi

"Okay," Aahz chimed in, his discomfort apparently

behind him. "Does everyone have their marching

orders? Vilhelm? Are you sure you can track us on that

thing?"

"No problem," the little vampire nodded. "When

things get slow around here I use this rig to do a little

window peeking right here in town. Covering the streets

is even easier."

"Remember," I told him, "watch for our signal.

When we catch up with this Vic character, we're going

to want you to get some responsible local witnesses there

chop-chop."

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Robert Asprin

"Well now," Aahz grinned evilly, "you don't have to

be too quick about it. I wouldn't mind having a little

time alone with him before we turn him over to the

authorities."

My heart sank a little. Aahz sounded determined to

exact a bit of vengeance out of this hunt, and I wasn't at

all sure he would restrict himself to Vic when it came

time to express his ire.

I think Tananda noticed my concern.

"Ease up a little, Aahz," she said casually. "I don't

mind helping you out of a tight spot, but count me out

when it comes to excessive force for the sake of venge-

ance. It lacks class."

"Since when did you worry about excessive vio-

lence?" Aahz growled, then shrugged his acceptance.

"Okay. But maybe we'll get lucky. Maybe he'll resist ar-

rest."

I was still worried, but realized that that was about

the most restraint I would get out of my partner.

."Now that that's settled," I said, producing Lu-

anna's scarf, "Pepe, take a whiff of this."

"Enchanting," he smiled, nuzzling the piece of cloth.

"A young lady, no? Eef ze body is as good as ze aroma,

I will follow her to the end of ze world whether you ac-

company me or not."

I resisted an impulse to wrap the scarf around his

neck and pull.

"All right, everybody," I said, retrieving the scarf

and tucking it back into my tunic in what I hoped was a

casual manner. "Let's go catch us a renegade vampire."

"The trail's got to be 'round here some-

where!"

—D. BOONE

IT was only a few hours short of sunset as we set out on

our quest, a nagging reminder of exactly how long our

efforts at physical disguise had taken. We had agreed to

avoid following Pepe as a group so as not to attract at-

tention. Instead, we moved singly or in groups of two,

using both sides of the street and deliberately walking at

different paces. The faster walkers averaged their prog-

ress with the slower by occasionally stopping to look

into shop windows, thereby keeping our group together

without actually appearing to. Tananda pointed out