Robert Asprin - Mything Persons

better run that one past me again."

I filled her in on my encounters with Luanna. I tried

to keep it unbiased and informative, but even I could

tell that my tones were less controlled than I would have

liked.

Tananda sat in silence for a few moments after I'd

finished, hugging her legs and with her chin propped up

on her knees.

"Well," she said at last, "from what you say, she's

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Robert Asprin

an accomplice at best. Maybe we can let her go after we

get them all rounded up."

"Sure."

My voice was flat. Both Tananda and I knew that

once Aahz got on his high horse there was no telling

how merciful or vicious he would be at any given point.

"Well, there's always a chance," she insisted. "Aahz

has always had a soft spot where you're concerned. If

you intercede for her, and if she's willing to abandon

her partners. ..."

"... and, if a table had wings, we could fly it back to

the Bazaar." I frowned. "No, Tananda. First of all, she

won't give up her partners just because they're in a

crunch. That much I know. Besides, if I put that kind of

pressure on her, to choose between me and them, I'd

never know for sure if she really wanted me or if she was

just trying to save her own skin."

Tananda got to her feet.

"Don't become so wise that you're stupid, Skeeve,"

she said softly before she left. "Remember, Luanna's

already chosen you twice over her partners. Both times

she's risked her life and their getaway to pass you a

warning. Maybe all she needs is what you haven't yet

' given her—an invitation for a chance at a new life with a

new partner. Don't be so proud or insecure that you'd

throw a genuine admirer to the wolves rather than run

the risk of making a mistake. If you did, I don't think

I'd like you much... and I don't think you would

either."

I pondered Tananda's advice after she'd gone. There

was one additional complication I hadn't had the nerve

to mention to her. Whatever Luanna's feelings for me

were, how would they change when she found out I'd

used her scarf... her token of affection, to guide a

pack of hunters to their target?

"Everybody needs a career manager!"

—LADY MACBETH

"So where is he?" Aahz grumbled for the hundredth

time ... in the last five minutes.

The sun had been up for hours, or at least as up as it

seemed to get in this dimension. Since my arrival in

Limbo, I had never seen what I am accustomed to think-

ing of as full sunlight. Whether the constant heavy over-

cast condition which seemed to prevail during daylight

hours was the result of magic or some strange meteor-

ologic condition I was never sure, but it did nothing to

alleviate the air of gloom that clung to the town of Blut

like a shroud.

The whole team was impatient to get started, but

Aahz was the only one who indulged himself in express-

ing his feelings as often ... or as loudly. Of course, it

might have been simply that he was making so much of

a fuss that the others were willing to let him provide the

noise for all of them rather than letting their own efforts

get constantly upstaged.

"Just take it easy, partner," I said soothingly, strug-

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Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS

131

gling to keep from snapping at him in my own nervous

impatience. "There aren't that many all-day stores in

this dimension."

"What do you expect, dealing with a bunch of vam-

pires," he snapped. "I still don't like this idea. Non-

magical disguises seem unnatural somehow."

I heaved a quiet sigh inside and leaned back to wait,

propping my feet up on a chair. This particular quarrel

was old before Vilhelm had left on his shopping trip,

and I was tired going over it again and again.

"Be reasonable, Aahz," Tananda said, taking up the

slack for me. "You know we can't wander around town

like this... especially you with half the city looking for

you. We need disguises, and without a decent power

source, Skeeve here can't handle disguises for all of us.

Besides, it's not like we're using mechanical magic. We

won't be using magic at all."

"That's what everybody keeps telling me," my part-

ner growled. "We're just going to alter our appearances

without using spells. That sounds like mechanical magic

to me. Do you know what's going to happen to our

reputations if word of this gets back to the Bazaar? Par-

ticularly with most of the competition looking for a

chance to splash a little mud on the Great Skeeve's

name? Remember, we're already getting complaints

that our prices are too high, and if this gets out...."

The light dawned. I could finally see what was eating

at Aahz. I should have known there was money at the

bottom of this.

"But Aahz," I chimed in, "our fees are overpriced.

I've been saying that for months. I mean, it's not like we

need the money...."

". .. and I've been telling you for months that it's the

only way to keep the riff-raff from draining away all

your practice time," he shot back angrily. "Remember,

your name's supposed to be the Great Skeeve, not the

Red Cross. You don't do charity."

Now we were on familiar ground. Unlike the disguise

thing, this was one argument I never tired of.

"I'm not talking about charity," I said. "I'm talking

about a fair fee for services rendered."

"Fair fee?" my partner laughed, rolling his eyes.

"You mean like that deal you cut with Watzisname?

Did he ever tell you about that one, Tananda? We catch

a silly bird for this Deveel, see, and my partner charges

him a flat fee. Not a percentage, mind you, a flat fee.

And how much of a flat fee? A hundred gold pieces? A

thousand. No. TEN. Ten lousy gold pieces. And half an

hour later the Deveel sells his 'poor little bird' for over a

hundred thousand. Nice to know we don't do charity,

isn't it?"

"C'mon, Aahz," I argued, writhing inside. "That

was only five minutes' work. How was I supposed to

know the silly bird was on the endangered species list?

Even .you thought it was a good deal until we heard what

the final sale was. Besides, if I had held out for a per-

centage and the Deveel had been legit and never sold the

thing, we wouldn't have even gotten ten gold pieces out

of it."

"I never heard the details from your side," Tananda

said, "but what I picked up on the streets was that

everybody at the Bazaar was really impressed. Most

folks think that it's a master-stroke of PR for the hot-

test magician at the Bazaar to help bring a rarity to the

public for a mere fraction of his normal fees. It shows

he's something other than a cold-hearted businessman

... that he really cares about people."

"So what's wrong with being a cold-hearted busi-

nessman?" Aahz snorted. "How about the other guy?

Everybody thinks he's a villain, and he's crying all the

way to the bank. He retired on the profit from that one

sale alone."

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Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 133

"Unless Nanny misled me horribly when she taught

me my numbers," Chumley interrupted, "I figure your

current bankroll could eat that fellow's profit and still

have room for lunch. Any reason you're so big on squir-

reling away so much gold, Aahz? Are you planning on

retiring?"

"No, I'm not planning on retiring," my partner

snapped. "And you're missing the point completely.