Robert Asprin - Mything Persons

come.

"What was that?" Massha managed, her voice re-

turning at last.

I motioned her to be silent and cocked an eyebrow at

Aahz, silently asking the same question.

He answered with an equally silent shake of the head.

Neither of us knew for sure what was going on, but

we both sensed that the timely intervention was neither

accidental nor a mistake. Someone had deliberately

pulled the crowd off our backs. Before we celebrated

our good fortune, we wanted to know who and why.

A pair of figures appeared at the mouth of the alley.

"You can come out now," one of them called.

"Sorry to interfere, but it looked like so much fun we

just had to play, too."

I'd know that voice anywhere, even if I didn't

recognize the figure as well as the unmistakable form of

her brother.

"Tananda! Chumley!" I shouted, waving to pinpoint

our position. "I was wondering when you'd show up."

The sister-brother team of Trollop and Troll hastened

to join us. For all their lighthearted banter, I can think

of few beings I'd rather have on or at my side when

things get tight.

"Are you all right?" Tananda asked, stopping to help

Massha to her feet.

"Really never had much dignity," my apprentice

responded, "and what little I did have is shot to hell.

Except for that I'm fine. I'm starting to see why you Big

Leaguers are so down on mechanical magic."

Chumley seized my hand and pumped it vigorously.

"Now don't be too rough on your little gimmicks,

ducks," he advised. "That little ring you left us was just

the ticket we needed to get here in time for the latest in

our unbroken string of last-minute rescues. Except for

the typical hash you've made of your end-game, it looks

like you've done rather well without us. We've got all

present and accounted for, including Aahz, who seems

remarkably unscathed after yet one more near-brush

with disaster. Seems like all that's left is a hasty retreat

and a slow celebration ... eh, what?"

"That's about the size of it," I agreed. "It's great

having the two of you along to ride shotgun on our exit,

though. Speaking of which, can you find the castle from

here? I've gotten a little turned around...."

"Hold it right there!" Aahz broke in. "Before we get

too wrapped up in congratulating each other, aren't

there a few minor details being overlooked?"

The group looked at each other.

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Robert Asprin

"Like what?" Tananda said at last.

"Like the fact that I'm still wanted for murder, for

one," my partner glared. "Then again, there's the three

fugitives we're supposed to be bringing back to Deva

with us."

"Oh, come on, Aahz," the Trollop chided, poking

him playfully in the ribs. "With the reputation you

already have, what's a little thing like a murder war-

rant?"

"I didn't do it," Aahz insisted. "Not only didn't I

kill this Vic character, nobody did. He's still around

somewhere laughing down his sleeve at all of us. Now

while I'll admit my reputation isn't exactly spotless, it

doesn't include standing still for a bum rap ... or let-

ting someone get away with making a fool of me!"

"Of course, saving the money for paying the

swindlers' debts plus the fines involved has nothing to

do with it, eh, Aahz?" Chumley said, winking his larger

eye.

"Well... that, too," my partner admitted. "Isn't it

nice that we can take care of both unpleasant tasks at

the same time?"

"Maybe we could settle for just catching Vic and let

the others go," I murmured.

"How's that again, partner?"

"Nothing, Aahz," I said with a sigh. "It's just that

... nothing. C'mon everybody. If we're going to go

hunting, it's going to require a bit of planning, and I

don't think we should do it out here in the open."

"Relax, Julie. Everyone will understand."

—ROMEO

FORTUNATELY, Massha's elevated position during our

flight had given her an excellent view of our surround-

ings, and we were able to find our way back to the

Dispatcher's without being discovered by the aroused

populace. Now that our numbers had increased, how-

ever, Vilhelm's greeting was noticeably cooler.

"I'm starting to believe what everybody says," the

little vampire complained. "Let one demon in, and the

next thing you know the neighborhood's crawling with

them. When I decided to talk to you folks instead of

blowing the whistle on you, I didn't figure on turning

my office into a meeting place for off-worlders."

"C'mon, Vilhelm," I said, trying to edge my foot

into the doorway. "We don't have any place else to go

in town. There aren't that many of us."

"We could always just wait out on the street until the

authorities come by," Aahz suggested. "I don't imagine

it would take much to convince them that this guy has

been harboring fugitives."

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122 Robert Asprin

"Can it. Green and Scaly," Massha ordered, puffing

herself up to twice her normal size. "Vilhelm's been nice

to us so far. and I won't listen to anyone threaten him,

even you. Just remember that you'd still be cooling your

heels in the slammer if it weren't for him. Either he

helps of his own free will, or we look elsewhere."

Aahz gave ground before her righteous indignation.

"Are you going to let your apprentice talk to me that

way? "he demanded.

"Only when she's right." I shrugged.

"I say, Aahz," Chumley intervened. "Could you

possibly curb your normally vile manners for a few mo-

ments? We don't really need one more enemy in this di-

mension, and I, for one, would appreciate the chance to

extend my thanks to this gentleman before he throws us

out."

When he's working, Chumley goes by the name of

Big Crunch and does a Neanderthal that's the envy of

half the barbarians at the Bazaar. On his own time,

however, his polished charm has solved a lot of prob-

lems for us ... almost as many as Aahz's bluster has

gotten us into.

"Oh, come on in," the Dispatcher grumbled. "Enter

freely and of your own accord and all that. I never could

turn my back on somebody in trouble. Guess that's why

I've never traveled the other dimensions myself. They'd

eat me alive out there."

"Thanks, Vilhelm," I said, slipping past him into the

office before he could change his mind. "You'll have

to forgive my partner. He really isn't always like this.

Being on death row hasn't done much for his sense of

humor."

"I guess I'm a little edgy myself," the vampire ad-

mitted. "Strange as it sounds, I've been worried about

you folks... and your motor-mouthed friend who's

been keeping me company hasn't helped things much."

MYTH-ING PERSONS 123

I did a quick nose count of our troop.

"Wait a minute," I frowned. "Who's been waiting

for us?"

Now it was Vilhelm's turn to look surprised.

"Didn't one of you send out for a werewolf? He said

he was with you."

"Aahh! But I am! My friends, they do not know me

yet, but I shall be their salvation, no?"

With that, I was overwhelmed by a shaggy rug. Well,

at least that's what I thought until it came off the floor

and threw itself into my arms with the enthusiasm of a

puppy ... a very large puppy.

"What's that?!." Aahz said, his eyes narrowing dan-

gerously. "Skeeve, can't I leave you alone for a few

days without you picking up every stray in any given di-