Walter Benjamin - Radio Benjamin

From an interior space.

KASPER: “Feeding and teasing prohibited.”—I could feed him all I want, but if he’s kicked the bucket, he won’t taste much.

Voices of the pursuers, as above.

KASPER: That Herr Maulschmidt is still onto me. But this time I’ll show him.

No longer from an interior space:

KASPER: Yes sir, gentlemen, come a little closer, please. All visitors are welcome. Entrance is free, ladies and gentlemen! And my friend here would be glad to say hello. Permit me to step on back and let him know you’re here.

Again from the interior space: a ferocious roar.

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: Heaven forbid, the lion!

KASPER ( from the interior space ): And yes, my friend has agreed. Allow me to open the door for you and he’ll come out and show you the way.

As soon as Kasper has finished speaking, he lets out a slowly escalating roar.

Voices of the pursuers: Heaven forbid! He’s letting the lion out! Run for your lives! Help! Help!

The voices of the pursuers fade.

KASPER ( with a diabolical laugh ): Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’ve seen each other today for the last time.

Pause.

KASPER: Taxi!

Street noise.

Driver! Doohickey Alley 1–12, and fast!

Driver’s voice: There must be a mistake, sir, there’s only two houses on that street.

KASPER: On my street we count the windows, too. Now go!

Street noise. After a while, the sound of an explosion. Pause.

Bells tolling.

KASPER: I’ve been asleep. And those are the bells of Saint Catherine.

It’s six in the evening and I’m still in bed?

FRAU PUSCHI: Not so loud, Kasper, you have to rest. Are you feeling any better?

KASPER: Back to being happy as a king.

FRAU PUSCHI: Oh, dear Kasper, when I think how they brought you to me. Your leg bandaged, on a stretcher.

KASPER: I’ll hear nothing of it. That’s over now. It doesn’t hurt at all. Tell me, dear, what are these packages about?

FRAU PUSCHI: The children brought them for you, the ones you were with at the zoo.

KASPER: Show me some, Puschi!

Amid the rustling of paper, Kasper and Puschi take turns calling out the contents of the packages.

KASPER AND PUSCHI: A box of chocolate cigars. — A marzipan revolver. — A praline doll. — A chocolate grandfather clock. — A demon made of baked plums. — A festive bowl. — An edible vase. — A gingerbread house. — A candied-sugar sword.

KASPER: Shall I eat the revolver first, or the sword?

FRAU PUSCHI: I want the revolver.

KASPER: You get the demon.

FRAU PUSCHI: No, the grandfather clock. I wanna eat it as a soup.

KASPER: We will begin with the vase, as an appetizer.

FRAU PUSCHI: That’s not the way it works, Kasper. I’m the housewife, I make the menu.

KASPER: Right you are, and I have to make a plan.

FRAU PUSCHI: What sort of plan are you making?

KASPER: On account of Herr Maulschmidt.

FRAU PUSCHI: Why do you need a plan for him?

KASPER: I need to think about which of his bones to break first when I see him again.

FRAU PUSCHI: But Kasper!

KASPER: Perhaps we’ll begin with the collarbone. Yes, I think it’s nice to start with the collarbone. Then I imagine the shin would come next. Now, if I only knew which, the right or the left. I wouldn’t like to break both. That would be mean. — After that, if we continue on, the ribs would be up next. At this point one must be very careful not to break the wrong rib. How many ribs does Herr Maulschmidt have? What do you say, Puschi? He’s so long, he must have at least twenty.

FRAU PUSCHI: But, Kasper, that’s nonsense. Every person has only twelve ribs.

KASPER: A rib here, a rib there. — But say, Puschi, what was that whole thing with David and Goliath?

FRAU PUSCHI: But you learned all that at school, Kasper.

KASPER: I mean the guy who toppled over. Was that David?

FRAU PUSCHI: That was Goliath.

KASPER: Then my plan is done. — You just have to borrow a cart.

FRAU PUSCHI: But why do I need a cart?

KASPER: I’ll tell you why. — When I break all of Herr Maulschmidt’s ribs, he’ll no longer be able to walk.

FRAU PUSCHI: He probably won’t.

KASPER: So then! We’ll just drive him around in the cart. And now I’ll tell you where. We’ll drive him to the market, right by the statue of Herr Kewlies, the guy who slayed the lions. We’ll lean him up against it, and when enough people have gathered around, you’ll walk around with a cup and I’ll sing the whole story, just as it happened. Listen up, I’ve even written the song.

Half-sung, half-spoken in the style of street song:

Because Puschi had commanded

That he go and fetch a fish

At the market Kasper landed

A gloomy morning full of mist.

Knocking.

FRAU PUSCHI: Who is it?

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: I’m only here to give Kasper an envelope.

KASPER: Blast! Herr Maulschmidt again!

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: Good day, Kasper. I’m glad to see you’re feeling better. I’m also glad to be able to deliver this.

KASPER: An envelope?

FRAU PUSCHI: An envelope?

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: And what’s inside.

FRAU PUSCHI: A thousand marks?

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: Your fee from the radio station.

KASPER: The radio station?! The one that nearly had me killed?

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: Well, in doing so, we also got what we wanted.

KASPER: What’s that supposed to mean?

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: It means that you spoke on the radio, even if you didn’t know it.

KASPER: Well, that must have been in my sleep.

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: Not in your sleep, but in your bed.

FRAU PUSCHI: In bed?

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: He who laughs last, laughs loudest. We at the radio station are even cleverer than you. While you were out in the city perpetrating your scandalous deeds, we secretly installed a microphone in your room, under your bed, and now we have everything you said, on a record, and I just happened to bring one along for you. Listen to this:

The text above begins to play from the record, but in a somewhat distorted tone.

The record: … the guy who slayed the lions. We’ll lean him up against it, and when enough people have gathered around, you’ll walk around with a cup and I’ll sing the whole story, just as it happened. Listen up, I’ve even written the song.

Because Puschi had commanded

That he go and fetch a fish

At the market Kasper landed

A gloomy morning full of mist.

KASPER: I’ve just heard for the first time what radio is.

FRAU PUSCHI: And I’ve seen for the first time what a thousand marks looks like.

KASPER AND FRAU PUSCHI: And we thank you very much, Herr Maulschmidt.

The ringing of bells, as above.

HERR MAULSCHMIDT: The honor is mine! And goodbye to you both! I must hurry as we’re making a broadcast from Pumpernickel. This has been one unforgettable day.

“Radau um Kasperl,” GS, 4.2, 674–95, with additional notes in GS, 7.2, 831–6. Translated by Jonathan Lutes.

Broadcast on Southwest German Radio, Frankfurt, on March 10, 1932, and on Western German Radio, Cologne, on September 9, 1932.

The Frankfurt broadcast was announced in the Südwestdeutsche Rundfunk-Zeitung for March 10, 1932, from 7:45–8:45 pm; it was advertised as “Much Ado About Kasper, A Radio Play for Children by Walter Benjamin.” The listing notes that the broadcast would be directed by Benjamin. It also makes a request: “As the title implies, Kasper’s experiences in this play are also connected with Radau [racket, row, hubbub, din]. Children are asked to guess what the noises mean, and to share their opinions with the radio station.” 3