Walter Benjamin - Radio Benjamin

ANNOUNCER: Voice Land? Coal Peter, how am I supposed to understand that? You will have to explain in a little more detail.

COAL PETER: You see, Mr. Announcer, we’ve already been in Hauff’s fairy-tale book for one hundred years now. Normally, we can only speak to one child at a time. But now it is supposedly the fashion for fairy-tale characters to step out of books and cross over into Voice Land, where they can introduce themselves to many thousands of children all at once. That’s what we would like to do and we were told that you, Mr. Announcer, were just the man to help us.

ANNOUNCER ( flattered ): That may be true, if you mean the Radio Voice Land.

DUTCH MICHAEL ( rudely ): That’s what we do mean! So, let us in, Mr. Announcer, there’s no time to show us the fine print.

EZEKIEL ( rudely ): Stop your blabbing, Michael. Here in Voice Land one can’t see anything at all!

COAL PETER: One certainly can see in Voice Land, but one cannot be seen. That’s what’s bothering you, I can tell. You are, of course, not happy when you can’t get all rigged up in your chains and scarves and handkerchiefs. But consider what you get in return. Everyone can hear you, as far as the eye can see from the highest mountain in the Black Forest and beyond, and you don’t even have to raise your voice.

DANCE HALL KING: Thinking about it, Coal Peter, I still can’t agree. The Black Forest, well, that’s a place I know my way around — but Voice Land, there I would get lost, I’m afraid, and every moment stumble over roots.

EZEKIEL: Roots! There aren’t any roots in Voice Land!

COAL PETER: Don’t let yourself be deceived, Dance Hall King. Of course there are roots. Just as on Earth, Voice Land has a Black Forest, and villages, cities, rivers, and clouds. But they can’t be seen on Earth, only heard; on Earth, everything that goes on in Voice Land can be heard but not seen. But once you’ve entered, you’ll quickly know your way around just as well as you do here.

ANNOUNCER: And if anything goes wrong — that’s why I’m here: the Announcer. We at the radio station know our way around like the back of our own hands.

DUTCH MICHAEL ( rudely ): Well then, Mr. Announcer, let us in already.

ANNOUNCER: Not so fast, Dutch Michael, you brute! It’s not that easy! You can come into Voice Land and speak to thousands of children, but I patrol the borders of this country and there’s a condition you must first fulfill.

LISBETH: A condition?

ANNOUNCER: Yes, indeed, Miss Lisbeth, and one that will be especially difficult for you to fulfill.

LITTLE GLASS MAN: Well then, name your condition. I am certainly used to conditions, I often set them myself.

ANNOUNCER: Alright, listen closely, Little Glass Man, and you others too: whoever wishes to enter Voice Land must be very modest. He must surrender all finery and relinquish all external beauty, so that nothing is left but his voice. However, his voice will then be heard by thousands of children simultaneously.

Pause.

Well, I’m afraid that is the condition from which I cannot stray. Think it over for a moment if you like.

COAL PETER ( whispering ): What do all of you think of that? Are you ready, Lisbeth, to give up your pretty Sunday dress?

LISBETH ( whispering ): Yes, of course, what is it to me! If we can really speak to thousands of children!

EZEKIEL ( whispering ): Hoho! That’s not as easy as it sounds.

( Jingling his coins ) And what will become of these shiny ducats?

LITTLE GLASS MAN ( whispering ): Just be happy you’re rid of them so easily, you scoundrel! ( Aloud ) Well, Mr. Announcer, we consent to your condition.

ANNOUNCER: Very good, Little Glass Man, in you come.

COAL PETER: We have but one request, however.

ANNOUNCER: And what would that be, Coal Peter?

COAL PETER: Well, you see Mr. Announcer, we have never actually been in Voice Land!

ANNOUNCER: Indeed, indeed! And so?

COAL PETER: Well, how will we find our way around?

ANNOUNCER: Good point, Coal Peter.

COAL PETER: I was thinking, since you’re already the border patrol of Voice Land, couldn’t you come with us as our guide?

DANCE HALL KING: As I always say: those who cling together swing together!

LISBETH: No one’s going to swing, you dumb Dance Hall King!

But please, if you would be so kind, Mr. Announcer—!

ANNOUNCER ( flattered ): Well then, I will guide you, only don’t be upset if my papers occasionally rustle. ( Rustling paper ) Without my map, even I can’t find my way around in Voice Land.

Pause.

Well, if you’ve got nothing against it, I must ask you to go to the coat room! Miss Lisbeth, you must leave your Sunday bonnet here! Also the money belt — and the fancy buckled shoes — here, in exchange, is your voice robe. Mr. Peter Munk, the doublet with the silver buttons must go and the red stockings as well.

COAL PETER: Here they are.

ANNOUNCER: And you, Little Glass Man, must give up your hat, waistcoat, and bloomers.

LITTLE GLASS MAN: Already done.

ANNOUNCER: And how about you, Dutch Michael? No, no, no — no ruler, that has to stay here as well as your raftsman’s boots.

DUTCH MICHAEL: If we must. Raise the devil!

ANNOUNCER: And Mr. Dance Hall King is ready, I see, and you, poor beggar, haven’t much to leave behind! But what’s that I see — fat Ezekiel has hung his ducat purse around his neck! No, my good friend, that won’t do! Where we’re going, your ducats will be of no use to you. All you need is a good, clear voice, one that hasn’t been worn out in the tavern like yours has.

EZEKIEL ( ranting ): No, no, I won’t go along with it! My good money is worth more than your entire Voice Land!

DUTCH MICHAEL: By Jove, I’ve got something to say to that! Hand over the money, you miserable wretch, or I’ll smash you to pieces!

ANNOUNCER: Peace, my dear friends! Mr. Dutch Michael, control your temper, and you, Mr. Ezekiel, I can assure you that you will get your money back, down to the last penny, after your appearance in Voice Land.

EZEKIEL: Very well then, Mr. Announcer. Now, if I could get that in writing!

ANNOUNCER: Off to Voice Land!

Gong . 4

Music: Peter.

ANNOUNCER: Hello, Coal Peter, hello!

Several voices: Hello!

COAL PETER: Can you see anything, Announcer? Who’s that calling “hello”? Where are we?

ANNOUNCER: No, Coal Peter, in Voice Land there is nothing to be seen, only something to be heard.

Music: Mill.

MILLER’S SON: Can you see anything, father?

MILLER: There is so much fog that you can’t see your hand in front of your face. I could trip over my own mill. What do you think, wife?

MILLER’S WIFE: Now I hear the voices coming closer.

Music.

COAL PETER: Announcer? There is a great whooshing sound here, as if there were a river. In all my days, I have never known even the tiniest brook here.

ANNOUNCER: You say here, Peter? As if you knew where you were?

Now, don’t be too shocked when I tell you, but we’re lost.

COAL PETER: Lost? It can’t be. I just heard voices.

ANNOUNCER: Strange voices.

Once again: Hello! Hello!

MILLER’S WIFE: Goodness me, where are you coming from so late at night?

ANNOUNCER: Hello, good woman, is it so late?

MILLER: Almost ten o’clock at night.

COAL PETER: Well, good evening, my good people. We’ve actually lost our way.

MILLER: You’ve been on your feet a long time.

COAL PETER: It didn’t seem that long to us. But my bones are starting to ache.

ANNOUNCER: Mine too, Peter. But that doesn’t help. I must go back and look for my other friends in Voice Land.