Tera Patrick - Sinner Takes All

Being inducted into the Hall of Fame felt like closure on one part of my porn life. I did what I wanted to do and I accomplished my goals. And it cemented me in the industry forever, for which I will always be proud and grateful. Grateful because if it weren’t for porn, I might not have met the man of my dreams and I wouldn’t be able to live my life the way I want to now.

This particular AVN was also extra special not only because it celebrated a decade of my life, but it was also the fifth anniversary of my wedding, which meant even more to me than my work accomplishments. I accomplished a happy life. After seven years (five married) of crazy ups and downs, I had a man who still wanted to marry me over and over again like he promised on our wedding night in 2004. So on our fifth wedding anniversary, the night before my Hall of Fame induction, Evan surprised me again for a fourth time with yet another renewal of our vows. Yes, Elvis was there once again. Yes, it once again felt like the first time. But what was different this time was that I finally felt true peace. As I walked down that aisle of our hotel suite, which he’d sprinkled with pink rose petals and lined with candles, and I looked up at Evan standing there, everything felt perfectly right with my world… except for one thing: my relationship with my mother.

Having grown close to Evan’s family over the years made me think about my own relations. My dad and I were always fine. The thing with Dad is this: He’s not malicious. He’s not a bad guy. He hasn’t done anything horrible. He’s just this carefree individual who would come and go a lot. I’d go months without talking to him, but it wasn’t because anything bad happened. It’s just the way it was. I know he loves me and is proud of me, and that’s what matters.

Now, my mother is another story. I didn’t talk to her for seventeen years. She had written me a letter when I was sixteen that I didn’t open and read until I sat down to write this book. I was afraid of what the letter would say. It was right around the time I came home from Japan and I knew she disapproved of what my lifestyle was like there: sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll.

But there was nothing to fear. She wrote, “Dear, Linda, I just want you to know that I really missed you. I missed your beautiful face around me. I still love you a lot no matter what.” Once I read that, nothing else mattered. I realized it was time to let go of the past and let my mother back into my life. My sister Debby was trying to get my mother and me back together, but she hadn’t been talking to my dad that much, so I told her that I’d call Mom if she’d call Dad. And that’s just what we did.

It’s so nice having my mom in my life now. All of the anger and hurt feelings are gone, and we are able to rebuild a healthy mother-daughter relationship. She’s even living with me now in my second home in Las Vegas, which we got in 2009 so I’d have a place to stay in town when I host my monthly party at TAO, an Asian nightclub in the Venetian Resort Hotel Casino.

It’s weird how we could be apart for most of our lives but still have so much in common. We do weird things the same way, things that no one else does. There will be times where we take the words out of the other’s mouth. I wash my feet in the sink like she does. I use a mortar and pestle to crush herbs when I cook on the floor like she does. It’s so odd.

My mom says of me, “I missed her. It feels like just yesterday, like nothing happened. We picked up where we left off, but better. I’m just happy that she is happy and good. And I’m happy we reconnected. I see the American Dream in her.”

Mom and I plan to go to Thailand together soon to connect with our culture and visit our relatives. She says I didn’t get my temper from her. I got it from her mother, my grandmother, whom I’ve never met. We’ll see. I never thought I’d get to this place in life: love, success, mental sanity, and family. I feel like I finally have it all.

You ASKED, I ANSWERED:

1. What was the scariest thing that happened on a shoot?—BRIAN, 27, LOS ANGeLeS

In 2001, I was at a shoot for someone else’s movie at Digital Playground at a Muslim’s house in Paris, France. I don’t remember what the shoot was for, but I was just there to hang out and have Ali take some photos of me. The owner of the house was really happy to have a porn shoot going on right before his eyes. He was really into it. But apparently he didn’t tell his wife what he was up to. All of a sudden, the wife storms into the house, screaming at her husband and at all of us in French like a crazy person. She rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and literally chased me out of the house with the knife in her hand. I grabbed the keys to our rented passenger van and bolted for the door as Ali and the others scrambled to collect their equipment. I was so flustered that as soon as I started the van to leave, I crashed it into the wall. Luckily, it was still drivable and we peeled out of there as fast as we could, laughing all the way.

2. What is the most embarrassing moment of your career?—LISA, 24, SAN DIEGO

When my vagina got molded for a toy called the Tera Patrick Fleshlight, which is a custom mold of my pussy. It’s the number-one bestselling male sex toy. I was leaning back, and plaster was over the whole area—from my clit to my asshole—and I totally farted and there was this giant hole in the mold, so I had to do it over again. We couldn’t release a toy with a giant fart-bubble in it!

3. Do you watch your own porn, and is that weird?—JAMES, 32, CHICAGO

No. This may be surprising, but I don’t watch my own movies. I don’t even have copies of all of my videos. I subscribe to this theory that once I do it, it’s over for me. I don’t save them. I don’t watch them. I lived the fantasy. It was done. And I don’t need to see it again. I’ve never even watched any of my movies. Never.

4. What’s your favorite celebrity encounter?—KELLY, 36, FORT LAUDERDALE

Actually, Kanye West was really nervous when he met me backstage at Fashion Week in L.A. in 2007. He told Evan, “Dude, I have the biggest favor to ask you. I really want to meet Tera, but I’m really shy. I don’t know what to say to her.” It was really sweet, though. I’m always flattered when other celebrities come up to me to say hi, or even ask for an autograph or to take a photo of me. It’s weird to think that Kanye West has seen my pussy, but I can’t see his dick. In a way, that’s not fair. Ha!

5. Is it weird to think that people you know and people you meet have seen your porn and masturbate to you?—MIKE, 23, VAN NUYS

Yeah, it’s a little weird to know that someone talking to me has seen my innermost parts and I haven’t seen theirs. But it’s not weird that they masturbate to me. They also masturbate to Cameron Diaz and Carmen Electra and Jessica Alba and the girl at the grocery store. Men are just visual. I’m no different, except they have a little bit more to masturbate to, they see a little bit more of me. It’s just humbling.

6. What advice do you have for new girls getting into the industry?—LEISHA, 21, NEWARK

Make sure you are making the decision with a clear head and that nobody else is influencing you. At the end of the day, you have to live with what you’ve done and remember that your third-grade teacher may see you one day, your father may see you, any kids you have, your nieces and nephews—everybody. So look your best and know this is out there for everyone to see and you can’t take it back. And don’t party or get caught up in the party scene. This business attracts the bad boyfriend, the suitcase pimp who comes into the business and latches onto a porn girl or a model. It’s hard to find a good guy in this industry. And just know that you really can make a lot of money, so invest it wisely. Don’t buy the newest Balenciaga bag. Invest in real estate instead.