Tera Patrick - Sinner Takes All

And besides, I knew Evan loved me, and that is all that mattered. I knew I was his princess. I knew I had his heart. He reminded me of it morning, noon, and night from the time we met. Our marriage was solid. We weren’t like other porn couples. I finally calmed down and realized that I could let him do this and it would be OK.

“OK, you can do the scene,” I finally said. “Let’s see how it goes and how I feel afterwards.”

“Thank you, baby,” Evan said. “You’ll see. When I come home from the set, I will still be your loving husband, and nothing will have changed.”

“OK,” I said. “But one thing—I don’t want to be on set when you do your scenes. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to hear about it.” He promised me he’d do it only for a few years and then get out. Fair enough.

I trusted him, and off he went to do his first scene without me. It was a normal boy-girl sex scene with Roxy Jezel. And Evan was right. He came home from set that day and nothing had changed. We went to bed that night in each other’s arms as if nothing had happened that day and as if nobody else in the world mattered but us.

I had a few conditions, of course. Absolutely under no circumstances could he do anal with another girl. That was our thing, and I wanted to keep it that way. There was another condition that I had to attach later. Once Evan launched his own pay website Rockstarpimp.comin 2008, he started doing scenes with girls every week. I never wanted to get involved with it, but one day I asked him, “So, what do you do with the girls?” He said, “Well, you know, I ask their name. I interview them. I spin them around. And then we have sex.”

“You WHAT?!” I screamed. “You spin them?!”

Spinning does have another meaning: a spinner in porn is a petite girl a guy spins on his dick. But that’s not the spinning we’re talking about here. That spinning would be OK. The spinning that I had a temper tantrum over meant that he would take the girl by her hand and twirl her around to get a good look… like a dancer does to his partner or a daddy does to his little girl or as Evan did to me on our first date and many dates thereafter. From our very first date, Evan would love to see me get all dressed up for a night out on the town and when I was ready, he’d take me by the hand, spin me around, and give me a kiss. And now he was doing our special thing with these porn chicks?! Oh, no. Not on my watch.

“That’s our cutesy little thing!” I screamed at Evan.

“Uh…” He was speechless.

I continued my tirade. “You’re doing our special thing with those girls?!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think—” Evan said.

“That’s right, you didn’t think!” I just welled up inside and the floodgates of tears opened up and I cried and cried and cried.

“I’m sorry. I’ll never do that again. I should’ve known,” he said. He felt truly awful. He apologized profusely and did everything to make it up to me. He came home one day soon after that and pulled into the driveway holding two huge bunches of red roses out the window as he drove in. My heart melted. He also got in the habit of buying me expensive gifts or sending me shopping on the days he had scenes to take my mind off what he was doing on set.

Here is the column I wrote on the topic of couples in the business in my “Teravision” column for Genesis magazine in February 2009:

So many people ask me about what it is like to be in porn and to be married. I mean is that really that far-fetched? What is it like to work in an office and come home to a spouse that is tired and stressed out and not interested in fucking? So many married people I know are living in complete lies pretending for their partner that they don’t want to enjoy sex with other people. Our society is built on this puritanical concept of monogamy when to me, we are all beautiful sexual creatures who were meant to enjoy sex to the fullest. I don’t know if this constant test of denial and restraint is what was meant for human beings.

For a lot of women in the business, I think there is a lot of fear as I had before I met my husband, as to “Who is ever going to love me?” or “Who is not going to judge me?” There is still a stigma attached for a lot of men who are very intimidated by women who are sexually free, sexually open, or especially porn stars. Obviously, for some couples, it is easier if they are both in the business, because there is a level of understanding about what goes on in the industry. Sometimes it works better in certain couples’ dynamics when one partner is in the business and the other is a civilian. Very often one partner can become very jealous and this can be extremely problematic. Especially when you think that confidence is probably the single sexiest trait someone can have to me, and jealousy the single biggest turnoff. The adult film business is obviously a breeding ground for unhealthy relationships. I feel very fortunate to have been able to have a healthy marriage within the industry.

The adult business provides a great boundary and actual safe haven for some couples who want to live out their fantasies. My husband and I both get to have sex with whoever we want on camera, but in our personal lives we are more of a “traditional” couple. For Evan and I, who have really open and honest communication, this really works for us as we both get to have the best of both worlds. I live out all my fantasies and still have the security of having a caring and devoted partner.

Additionally, to get over that initial fear that your partner will cheat on you, introducing sex with other people can actually be the most freeing thing in the world. The first time your partner has sex with someone else, and comes home to you, you realize that person is with you because it is a conscious decision and a choice rather than something they feel trapped by. If it wasn’t so taboo, it would not be a great topic of intriguing discussion. Bottom line is that fucking and sucking feels great and drives that intangible sixth sense of ours, but love makes the world go round!

Although every couple has their own rules, it is nice to see other couples in the industry who have positive successful relationships. I just adore Gina Lynn and Travis Knight. They are a smoking hot couple who are very much in love, but also both work in the adult industry. I have known them for many years and they, like my husband and I, seem to have a stronger relationship than many civilian couples. Evan Stone and Syren, Jules Jordan and Jenna Haze, Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo, Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong, the list goes on and on. So bottom line, porn stars need love too and sex is the reason you are reading Genesis. So whenever possible have your cake and eat it too!

Hall of Fame? Really? I don’t know how I feel about that,“ I told Evan when he informed me that I was going to be inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame on January 10, 2009. ”Does that make me old?"

“No, it’s an honor, honey,” he assured me. “Look at how much you’ve accomplished. Most girls in the industry last a few years. You’ve been at the top for ten.”

After I got over the shock that I was a ten-year vet, I realized I do have a lot to be proud of. I’ve accomplished my goals, learned a lot, and have a lot to show for it. To me, the induction marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life rather than the ending of an old one. And it means I can pick and choose what I work on more selectively.

I am now able to focus on things I can only do because of my time in front of the camera, such as working on my lingerie line, modeling, hosting parties around the world as an ambassador of all things sexy, and working on my upcoming burlesque show in Las Vegas that I plan to debut later in 2010. My love for the adult industry runs deep. I am grateful to my fans for raising me up on this pedestal, and I hope they will follow me wherever this road takes me.