William Johnston - Max Smart Loses Control

“I don’t know, Max. It seems to me-”

“Then when we find it,” Max went on, “we’ll put a stake-out on it. Sooner or later, we’ll spot the guy who’s collecting on it for Means and Ways. We’ll follow him, and where he goes, that’s where we’ll find Number One.”

“It sounds so simple. .” 99 said worriedly.

“Basically, 99, all of my ideas are simple.”

“I know, Max. But this one sounds easy, too.”

“Nobody likes an acid-tongued secret agent, 99. Just hand over your change, and let’s get started.”

They approached the first machine, and Max put a silver dollar into the slot, then pulled the handle. The cylinder spun, then stopped, showing an apple, a lemon and a cherry.

“Shall we try the next one, Max?”

“Just a minute, 99. This may not be the machine we’re looking for, but I have a feeling that it’s about to pay off, nevertheless. If we can pick up a little profit on the side, what’s the harm?”

“Max, we’re here on business.”

“But, 99, this machine is ripe. I can sense it. Why let somebody else walk away with the winnings?” He put another silver dollar into the slot. “Just this once,” he said. “I promise-from now on, it’ll be strictly business.” He pulled down on the handle.

The cylinder spun, and two lemons and a cherry came up.

“Can we move on now, Max?”

“99, I’ve invested two dollars in this machine. I can’t quit now. Especially when it’s right on the verge of coughing up that jackpot.” He put another dollar into the slot. “Heads up, 99-here it comes.” He pulled the handle. “We should have thought to bring a large bag to carry the winnings in.”

He got a cherry, a lemon and a peach.

“Max-”

“Don’t say it, 99. You’re right-I misjudged. It’s going to take a few more plays before this machine pays off.” He handed her a fifty-dollar bill. “Here, get me some change for this. I’ll stay here. I don’t want anybody else to get this machine-not while it’s hot.”

99 got more silver dollars for Max and he continued to play-and to lose the silver dollars. After he had been at it for about an hour, 99 drifted away and went to the coffee shop and had lunch. When she returned, Max sent her after more change. When she returned, she watched him a while longer, then, bored, she went to her room and had a nap. That evening, returning to the casino, she was surprised to find that he was no longer at the slot machine. There was an Out-of-Order sign on it. The sign was hand-printed in a shaky scrawl. Since Max was not playing any of the other machines, either, 99 went looking for him. She found him in the lobby, standing near the check-in desk. He was nervously drumming his fingers on the counter.

“Max-”

Max jumped, startled. “Don’t do that, 99,” he complained. “I’m a little on edge.”

“What are you doing here, Max?”

“Waiting for a reply to my wire to the Chief,” Max replied. “I asked him to send more money.”

“Oh. You mean-”

“99, it’s fantastic. That machine is going to pay off on the very next play. But I’m completely out of cash.”

“But, Max, that machine is out-of-order.”

“I put that sign on it, 99. Do you think I want some stranger to walk off with my winnings?”

“Max, isn’t this getting a little out of hand?” 99 said. “Remember what we’re here for? We’re looking for Number One.”

“Number who, 99?”

“Max! For heaven’s sake! I think you’ve got gambling fever. That’s terrible! Don’t you know you can’t win?”

“Can’t win?” Max said indignantly. “One more play, 99, and I’ll be rich! 99, I’ve learned to communicate with that machine. And believe me, it’s my friend. It wants me to win. Is it the machine’s fault that I ran out of money?”

At that moment, the clerk spoke to Max. “Your wire came in, sir,” he said. “And here’s the money-a thousand dollars.”

Max snatched the bag of silver dollars and rushed back to the casino, with 99 tagging after him. Quickly, he dropped another silver dollar into the slot, then pulled the handle. The cylinder spun-and came up with a peach, a lemon and a cherry.

“Your machine was lying to you, Max,” 99 said.

“No,” Max said, putting another dollar into the machine, “the trouble is, the conditions weren’t exactly right. I wasn’t holding my left foot off the floor an inch and a half.”

“Is that necessary?”

“Conditions have to be perfect,” Max said, pulling the handle.

He got two cherries and an apricot.

“Did you see that!” Max said excitedly. “Did you see that, 99?”

“No money came out, Max.”

“Not that. What I mean is, did you see that apricot. I’ve never got an apricot before. That’s a very good sign. Now, I think, if I just put my thumb in my right ear this time, I think that will do it!”

Max dropped another silver dollar into the machine.

99 sighed and moved on and went to the dining room and had dinner. When she finished, she stopped by the casino again. Max was still playing the machine.

“Any more apricots, Max?”

“No. But I got a kumquat. You don’t see many of those on a slot machine.”

“Have you hit the jackpot yet, Max?”

“Not yet, 99. But I’ll hit it on the very next try, I’m sure. Getting a kumquat is practically like getting a written guarantee.”

“Goodnight, Max,” 99 yawned. “I’m going to turn in.”

When 99 awakened the next morning, she telephoned to Max’s room. There was no answer. She had breakfast sent up, then dressed and went down to the casino. Max was not there. She moved on to the desk, intending to ask the clerk if he had seen him, guessing that Max may have wired for more money. But on her way through the lobby, she spotted him shining a man’s shoes. 99 waited until he had finished, then joined him.

“Max, is this a disguise?” she asked.

“Not exactly, 99,” he replied. “I’m just picking up a little change. That machine I’m playing is all set up to pay off. But, as luck would have it, I ran out of silver dollars again.”

“Max!” 99 said, appalled. “You’re shining shoes for money?”

“You certainly don’t think I’m doing it because I like it, do you?”

“Where did you get the shoe shine kit?”

“I rented it from the rent-a-shoe-shine-kit company.”

“But you said you ran out of money.”

“Fortunately, they accepted my Diner’s Club card.”

“Max. . Max. . look at you!” 99 said. “I’ll bet you haven’t had any sleep. Your eyes are bleary. . your tie is loose. . you look. . well, terrible! Do you realize what’s happening, Max?”

“Of course I realize what’s happening, 99. I’m standing here talking to you when I could be hustling customers. Or, are you interested in a shoe shine?”

“I can’t afford it, Max. You put all my money in that machine.”

“Why don’t you rent yourself a kit, 99? I’ll let you use my Diner’s Club card.”

“Max, if the Chief-”

“Don’t mention that man’s name in my presence, 99. He’s a fair-weather Chief. I wired him for money, and he refused to send it.”

“No, he didn’t, Max. I was with you when it arrived.”

“That was the first time. Later, I sent him another wire, saying, SEND ANOTHER THOUSAND. And he wired back, WHAT FOR? Then I wired him again, saying, FOR OLD TIMES’ SAKE. After that, he telephoned me. And, 99, I would not repeat what he said to me. But, the gist of it was that my expense account has been cut off.”

“Did you tell him about your plan to locate Number One, Max?”

“The conversation didn’t get that far,” Max replied. “I hung up on him.”