Danielle Steel - Full circle

“Maybe more like five.…” She was laughing, too, and then suddenly she looked at him. “You don't want children, do you?” She hadn't gone that far. She was too old for that, but he only shook his head and grinned at her.

“You worry about everything, don't you? No, I don't want children. I'll be fifty years old next month and I already have two. And no, I will not have a vasectomy, thanks, but I'll do anything else you want to guarantee that I won't knock you up. Okay? Want me to sign it in blood?”

“Yes.” They were both laughing and he paid the check and they walked outside and he held her as no man had ever held her before, pulling her heart right through her soul, and she had never been happier. And then suddenly he looked at his watch, and hurried her to his car. “What are you doing?”

“We have a plane to catch.”

“We do? But I can't … I'm not…”

“Is your court recessed over the holidays?”

“Yes, but…”

“Is your passport in order?”

“I … yes … I think it is.…”

“We'll check when I get you home … you're coming with me … we can plan the wedding there … I'll call the girls … what do you think about February … say in about six weeks? … Valentine's Day? … corny enough for you, Tan?” He was crazy and she was crazy about him. They caught the plane to Mexico that night, and spent a blissful week soaking up the sun, and making love at last. He had waited until she had broken things off with Jack for good. And when they returned he bought her an engagement ring, and they told all their friends. Jack called her when he read it in the papers, and what he said cut her to the quick.

“So that was what that was all about? Why didn't you tell me you were shacked up with someone else? A justice too. That must be a step up for you.”

“That's a rotten thing to say … and I wasn't shacked up with him.”

“Tell that to someone else. Come to think of it,” he laughed bitterly, “tell it to the judge.”

“You know, you've been so damn busy trying not to get involved with anyone all your life that you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground anymore.”

“At least I know when I'm cheating on someone, Tan.”

“I wasn't cheating on you.”

“What were you doing then, fucking him at lunch-time, it doesn't count before six o'clock?” She had hung up on him, sorry that it had to end that way. And she had written to Barbara, too, explaining that her marriage to Russ was precipitous, but he was a lovely man, and when she came out to see her father the following year, the door to Tana's home would be open to her as it had been before. She didn't want the girl to feel that she was pushing her away. And there were so many other things to do too. She wrote to Averil in London, and her mother almost had a heart attack when she called her.

“Are you sitting down?”

“Oh Tana, something's happened to you.” Her mother sounded on the verge of tears. She was only sixty years old, but mentally she was twice that, and Arthur was getting senile now at seventy-four, which was hard on her.

“It's something nice, Mother. Something you've waited for, for a long, long time.”

Jean stared blankly at the far wall, holding the phone. “I can't imagine what it is.”

“I'm getting married in three weeks.”

“You're what? To whom? That man you've been living with for all these years?” She never thought much of him, but it was about time they took a decent position in the world, especially with Tana being a judge. But she was in for a shock.

“No. To someone else. A justice on the court of appeals. His name is Russell Carver, Mom.” She went on to tell her the rest and Jean cried, and smiled and laughed and cried some more.

“Oh, sweetheart … I've waited so long for this.”

“So have I.” Tana was laughing and crying too. “And it was worth waiting for, Mom. Wait till you see him. Will you come out for the wedding? We're getting married on February fourteenth.”

“Valentine's Day … oh, how sweet.…” It still embarrassed Tan but it seemed funny to both her and Russ. “I wouldn't miss it for the world. I don't think Arthur will be well enough to come, so I can't stay long.” She had a thousand arrangements to make before she left, and she could hardly wait to get off the phone. Ann had just gotten married for the fifth time, and who gave a damn anymore? Tana was getting married! And to a justice on the court of appeals! And she said he was handsome too, Jean dithered around the house for the rest of the afternoon, in a total state, and she had to go into the city to Saks the following day. She needed a dress … no … maybe a suit … she couldn't believe it had happened finally. And that night she whispered silent prayers.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful. They had it at Russ's house, with a piano and two violins playing something delicate from Brahms as Tana came slowly down the stairs in a simple dress of off-white crepe de chine. She wore her blond hair long, covered by a wide-brimmed picture hat, with a faint hint of veil, and ivory satin shoes. There were roughly a hundred people there, and Jean stood in a corner and cried ecstatically for most of the day. She had bought a beautiful beige Givenchy suit, and she looked so proud it made Tana cry every time she looked at her.

“Happy, my love?” Russ looked at Tana in a way that made her heart fly. It seemed impossible that she could be lucky enough to find a man like him, and she had never dreamed of anything like what she shared with him. It was as though she had been born to be his, and she found herself thinking of Harry as she walked down the aisle. “Okay, asshole? Did I do good?” She smiled through her tears.

You did great! She knew that Harry would have been crazy about Russ, and it would have been mutual. And she felt Harry very much there with her. Harrison and Averil sent a telegram. Russ's daughters were there too. They were both slender, attractive, pleasant girls, with husbands that Tana liked. They were an easy group to love, and they did everything to welcome her. Lee was particularly warm in her reception of her new stepmother, and they were only twelve years apart in age.

“Thank God he had the sense to wait until we grew up before marrying again.” Lee laughed. “For one thing, the house is a hell of a lot quieter now, and for another thing, you don't have to put up with us. He's been single for so long, Beth and I are grateful as hell that you married him. I hate to think of him alone in this house.” She was a little bit zany, and wonderfully dressed in her own designs. She was clearly crazy about Russ, nuts about her own husband, and Beth doted on her entire family. It was the ideal group, and as Jean looked at them, she was suddenly grateful that Tana hadn't been foolish enough to fall for Billy, in the years when she was pushing that. How sensible Tana had been to wait for this extraordinary man to come along. And what a life. The house was the most beautiful place she'd ever seen. And Tana felt totally at ease with the butler and the maid he'd had for years. She floated from room to room, entertaining his friends, as people said “Your Honor” to her, and somebody else cited a funny poem about a justice and a judge.

It was a wonderful afternoon, and they went back to Mexico for their honeymoon, returning via La Jolla and Los Angeles. Tana had taken a month's leave from work, and when she returned she smiled to herself whenever she said her new name. Judge Carver … Tana Carver … Tana Roberts Carver.… She had added his name to everything, none of this women's lib crap for her. She had waited thirty-eight years for him, almost thirty-nine, and resisted marriage for almost four decades, and if she had taken the plunge now, she was going to enjoy all the benefits. She came home every night, relaxed and happy to see him. So much so that he teased her about it one night.