Jeff Strand - Graverobbers Wanted - No Experience Necessary

"I'm fine."

"But Jennifer, of course, never intended to go toEurope . We decided we were going to kill her scumbag husband in the worst way possible. So, Tuesday night, I threw an unassembled pine coffin into the trunk of my car, forced Michael from his home at gunpoint, and drove him out toFleetPark . I made him dig his own hole, construct his own coffin, then lie down in it.Stretched the whole thing out as much as I could—a total blast. But then he started begging for mercy. Imean,begging . It would've broken your heart. I don't know what happened to me, I just felt sorry for the poor guy. So I knocked him out with chloroform and tossed the gun in the coffin before I locked it shut and buried it. That way, you know,if things were too unbearable he could always kill himself. I regretted it later, I mean, what awuss thing to do, but don't say I never did anything nice for anyone."

"Does this mean if I start begging you'll let my kids go?"

Farley shook his head. "Nah, I'll just drop the brick sooner. Anyway, that should've fixed all our problems, but then we realized we didn't know where the key to his safe was. We tore the place apart, and no key. Finally we decided he had it on him."

"That sounds like something you should have thought about before you buried him," I remarked.

"Yeah, well, I never claimed to be a criminal genius. Then the next night that bitch Jennifer decided to go behind my back and hire you to dig up the coffin. Really stupid on her part, but I guess the idea of digging him up herself freaked her out. So I followed her, and really you should be grateful because I ended up saving your life. She planned to kill both of you after you found the key, but my little rampage put a stop to that. So I brought all three of you back here...I'm stronger than I look, by the way...hacked up Jennifer, and figured I'd use Roger as a hostage until I got the money.

"But then everything turned to shit. I opened the safe, nearly got shot by a poisoned dart, and discovered that the only thing in the safe was a friendly little note. I don't know who was holding the evidence against us, but if Michael didn't get in touch with him by Friday night, tonight, everything was going straight to the FBI. Michael had babbled something about this while I was burying him alive, but I thought it was just a trick to save his life. I realized that I was, in a word, fucked."

"Not a great feeling, is it?" I asked.

"Ah, it's not so bad once you get over it. And that's when I decided, to hell with it. I'm not living my life as a fugitive, and I'm certainly not going to prison. I've had a pretty wild life, killed a lot of people. I figured it was time to, as the quote goes, die young and leave a beautiful corpse. But I wanted people to know who I was, what I'd done. I wanted to be famous like JeffreyDahmer , Son of Sam,Ted Bundy, all of those guys. So that's where you came in."

Theresa's leg was now wobbling so violently that I thought she was going to drop at any second. But what could I do? I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth and forced myself not to lunge forward.

"You were already involved," Farley explained, "so I figured I'd make you my personal spokesperson. I'd put you through an outrageous hell, give you the story of a lifetime,even let you be the one to kill me. I have to say—you did incredibly well. I did hide multiple clues at the graveyard to increase your chances, but still...kudos to you. And I got to reuse my favorite prop, the Dismemberment Game I built for a very special episode of Ghoulish Delights. The questions are really easy to program. I'll let you keep it if you want."

"No thanks."

"Anyway, I figured I'd turn your life into an absolutely crazy nightmare, and then my fame would be guaranteed, as would yours. You'd even get the better end of the deal. After all, I'll be dead, and all you'll have done islose your children."

"You don't have to kill them," I insisted. "You want fame? I've gone through enough freaky shit in the past couple days to guarantee you a spot in the Psychopath Hall of Fame."

"I know, but it's just too good to pass up. Hear the story of FarleySoukup from the guy who watched his own children die."

"I swear, if you hurt them I won't say a goddamn word."

"Uh-huh. Yeah, right. What're you going to do, bury all the evidence? Hide the bodies of your children and pretend a wild dingo carried them off?"

Farley turned his wrist slightly, checking his watch. "You know, these bricks are starting to get a bit heavy.If you have any final dramatic statement to make, now's the time. Say goodbye to your kids, Andrew. Make it good.The camera's rolling."

Chapter 23

"YOU WANT this to be a game, right?" I asked. "Then give me a chance to try and set them free."

"You have plenty of chances," said Farley. "It's just that none of them will work."

I reached down and picked up the crossbow. "Give me two shots.One for each wire."

"You're going to snap the wire with an arrow?" Farley asked, tremendously amused.

"I'mgonna try."

"Oh, well, don't let me stop you! Hell, if you're that good of a shot you deserve your kids back! But you stay where you are. Come any closer and I drop the bricks."

"I understand." I held up the crossbow and peered through the sight, aiming it at the wire that connected to Theresa's razor blade necklace.

"I think there might be an apple somewhere around here, if you want to put it on her head," said Farley.

I ignored him, kept my arm as steady as possible, and pulled the trigger.

The bolt shot past the wire, missing it by about six inches.Better than I would've expected.

"Good shot!" said Farley. "Not good enough, but I'm still impressed. I would applaud, but I don't think you'd appreciate that. Oh well, I guess this means the girl's dead.Wanna try to save the boy?"

I took an arrow out of the quiver, pulled back the bowstring, and locked it in place. Then I took careful aim at Theresa's wire again.

"Oh, trying for the girl again, huh? I don't blame you. She'solder, you've got more of an investment in her."

I placed my finger on the trigger, took a deep breath, and shot the arrow.

But not at the wire.At the last instant I jerked the crossbow upward, firing at the hook. The explosive-tipped arrow I'd gotten from Dominick hit the ceiling, creating a monstrous ball of fire and sending chunks of wood flying everywhere.

The noise was deafening. Farley dropped the bricks as he was thrown to the ground, and the hooks and wires fell with them, along with half of the roof.

I staggered backwards from the impact, accidentally dropping the crossbow, then immediately hurried forward. "Theresa! Kyle! Get out of here!" I screamed, shoving them toward the doorway. The kids rushed for safety, as Farley made a lunge to grab the wire that trailed behind Kyle.

I kicked Farley in the face before he could manage that. He rolled on his side as some burning wood pieces fell on his leg. I tried to kick him again, but he moved out of the way in time. He grabbed a piece of rubble and threw it at me, grazing my shoulder and instantly causing my arm to go numb. Then he got to his feet.

"Your kids are stillgonna die!" he shouted. "You haven't changed anything!"

He rushed at me like a football player going for a tackle. As I dodged, I realized my mistake—Farley snatched the crossbow and a razor-lined arrow from the floor. I ran toward him, whipping an arrow from my own quiver.

He swung the crossbow, bashing me in the temple. Istumbled backward several steps and fell on a burning chunk of the ceiling. I cried out and rolled over, frantically batting at my shirt. As I beat out the flames, Farley snapped the arrow into place.

He fired. The arrow struck me, sinking half its length into my upper arm, jutting out the other side. I couldn't even scream—I could only let out a series of frantic gasps.