T. Novan - Words Heard In Silence / Xena Uber

"Is he up and about at all? He should be walking at least a few steps at a time by now."

"He refuses except to rise and lock the door."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and clenched her teeth. "Damn him. He is giving up."

Jocko looked at the ground, refusing to meet her eyes. "I fear so. Please try, Doctor."

"Of course." She patted his shoulder and turned for Charlie's office.

Elizabeth and Jocko proceeded down the stairs. There, they found little Emily crouched by the door, holding her puppy, Papa, to her chest and crying softly. The sight of the little girl waiting at her father’s door nearly destroyed Elizabeth. Gently she went to Em and lifted her in her arms. "Shush, little one. We are going to see if we cannot make your Papa right again." She turned to Jocko. "The key, if you please," knowing perfectly well that he had to have one. Silently, he handed it over to her and relieved her of the bundle of quietly weeping child and long-suffering puppy.

Elizabeth waited until Jocko was well out of view with Em before she unlocked the door and entered the room. She saw him there, his back to her, as Jocko said, staring out the window. "Hello, Charlie."

Charlie did not move or acknowledge her entry. She could tell from the tension in his body that he knew she was there; he just refused to respond.

"Are you proud of yourself, General Redmond?"

He did not respond.

"You are tearing up your home and your family. Rebecca is nearly hysterical with worry about you, and do not tell me you can not hear little Emily crying for you outside this door."

Elizabeth’s words pierced Charlie’s soul. It was terrible to listen to your own death being mourned before you were gone. If he could just end it quickly, it would be over and they could start building a new life. There was that new man that Jocko said Rebecca had hired to help work with the horses. A fine looking man, from what Charlie could tell, who was obviously good with the animals and whom Charlie could see made Rebecca smile.

"You are a fool, do you know that? All your life you have hoped to find this –– a wife and a family –– and now you have both. Why are you trying to destroy it, Charlie? And you may as well answer me. I am not leaving until you do."

Charlie rolled over onto his back, winching when the bandages rubbed against his tender, just healing flesh, and glared at Elizabeth. "Look at me, Elizabeth and tell me honestly. Will I ever be whole again? Will I ever be able to hold my children in this arm?" He lifted his right arm as far as he could, which was scant inches above the bed. "Will I teach my sons to run and ride with this leg?" He snorted. "And my beloved. What will she see when she looks at my body? Will she see the ‘‘Greek Goddess’ she once called me, or will she see a cripple, riddled with terrible, ugly scars, who can no longer stand to be touched because of the pain? Leave me, Elizabeth. The Charlie you knew died at Appomattox Station."

"You...you..." Elizabeth tried to control her anger but decided against it. "Damn you, Charlie Redmond! Do you have any idea how many people worked to save your life? Do you have any idea that when you were wounded your men mourned more for you than when President Lincoln was killed? Damn it, Charlie, men who were free to leave when the truce was signed, stayed in camp until the day you were sent home. And I worked so hard to save you life! I should have taken your leg. It caused us days of trouble, but we were tireless in your care so you would not lose it. Damn you! Damn you taking your life for granted when so many men and boys lost theirs..." She was shaking so hard now it was all she could do to resist the urge to slap him.

Charlie looked at her coldly. "You should have let me die." He turned back away from her, to resume his vigil through the window. Here was his dream; he wanted it to be the last thing he ever saw, since he could not bear to look into Rebecca’s eyes and know how terribly he had failed her.

"How dare you! I am a doctor and my first oath is to save lives. You may take it for granted Charlie, and you may not care now, but there are people who love you and who want you around. You can believe whatever you like, but do not dare to ever tell me that I should have let you die!"

Jocko, having turned Em over to her mother and given the puppy to Colonel Richard’s care, quietly returned to the room. He heard the last words and knew that Charlie would not respond. Silently, he took Elizabeth’s arm and escorted her from the room, closing the door behind them.

Charlie lay silently looking out the window, unseeing, blinded by the tears that filled his eyes and soaked his pillow.

--*--

Monday, May 8, 1865

Rebecca found that having Richard and Elizabeth around did help ease the stress, if not the pain, of the situation with Charlie. The unexpected return of her cousin, Albert, from the war had eased the stress of trying to run the stables with just Tarent and MacFarlane’s help. She had heard he was dead, though there had never been a confirmation of his demise. He was cut from the same cloth as her father and was more comfortable with horses than people.

That left her own heartache and the children for Rebecca to manage –– more than enough for one woman to deal with at any time. It was a beautiful day, clear with bright sunshine. Rebecca thought that spending some time in the sun, with the babies and the puppy might help ease Em’s melancholy. So Sarah prepared a picnic lunch and the whole family, including Richard and Elizabeth, and Albert, adjourned to the little patio by the pond for lunch.

Em sat on the ground with Albert and played with some stick figures he had fashioned for her. Richard was holding his namesake and making truly silly noises, which almost made Rebecca’s frustration and the pain melt away as she watched him. She held little Charlie close to her and looked up to the windows of Charlie's office. "I am at my wits’ end, Elizabeth. I am so tired."

"I know, dear. So am I. Somehow, something has to get through to him. But I swear, I have no idea as to what." Elizabeth thought for a moment. "So, tell me about your handsome cousin."

Rebecca smiled at Albert, who was trying so hard to make Em laugh. "He is my father's sister's eldest son. Of her three boys, he is the only one to return from the war, and like me he has no family left. So he came here. I loved Albert like a brother when I was a child and I am glad to have him here."

"Well, he certainly has brought some cheer into this house. I am glad you have help."

Rebecca nodded, shifting little Charlie when he started fussing. "I hope someday Charlie will want to meet the entire family."

Albert interrupted their conversation. "Excuse me, Doctor Walker, but about that black stallion you brought in with you? He really needs to be exercised, but no one seems to be able to saddle him. I wonder if you would mind if I gave it a try?"

Elizabeth and Richard both chuckled. Richard responded. "Young man, that horse has never been ridden by anyone but General Redmond and, on very rare occasions, Sergeant Jackson. If you are brave enough to step into the stall or the ring with him, please feel free. Just be warned that Jack has a temperament all his own."

Em heard the name of her Papa’s horse. If Jack was at the house, then so was Papa. Excitement lit her face. "Jack, Jack, Jack," she chanted.

Albert looked surprised. This was the most animated he had seen his little cousin since he had arrived. "Do you want to go with me to see Jack, Em?"

She nodded emphatically and climbed to her feet. "Jack, Papa 'orsey."

Rebecca could not help it. Em was so determined and so cute about it and she was so relieved that Em finally was showing interest in something –– anything –– that she laughed out loud.