Sophie Kinsella - The Undomestic Goddess

“This is a kumonryu,” Nathaniel is saying as he scoops something out of the tank in a big green net. “Want to have a look?” As I get nearer I see an enormous patterned fish flapping noisily in the net. He offers it to Trish and she hops back with a little shriek.

“Get it away! Put it in the pond!”

“It cost you two hundred quid,” says Nathaniel with a shrug. “I thought you might want to say hello.”

“Put them all in.” Trish shudders. “I’ll come and see them when they’re swimming about.”

She turns on her heel and heads back toward the house.

“All right?” Nathaniel looks up at me. “How was the great charity lunch?”

“It was… fine.”

“Did you hear the news?” He scoops another fish into the pond. “Eamonn’s just got engaged! He’s having a party this weekend at the pub.”

“That’s… that’s great.”

My mouth is dry. Come on. Just tell him.

“You know, we should have a koi pond at the nursery,” says Nathaniel, sloshing the rest of the fish into the pond. “Do you know the profit margin on these―”

“Nathaniel, I’m going back.” I close my eyes, trying to ignore the stab of pain inside.

“I’m going back to London.”

For a moment he doesn’t move. Then very slowly he turns round, the net still in his hand, his face expressionless.

“Right,” he says.

“I’m going back to my old job as a lawyer.” My voice shakes a little. “Guy from my old firm came down today, and he convinced me― He showed me. He made me realize―” I break off and gesture helplessly.

“Realize what?” Nathaniel says.

He hasn’t smiled. He hasn’t said, “Good idea, that’s just what I was going to suggest.”

Why can’t he make this easy for me?

“I can’t be a housekeeper all my life!” I sound more defensive than I’d like. “I’m a trained lawyer! I have a brain!”

“I know you have a brain.” Now he sounds defensive. Oh, God. I’m not managing this well.

“I’ve earned partnership. Full equity partnership at Carter Spink.” I gaze up at him, trying to convey the significance of this. “It’s the most prestigious… lucrative… amazing… I can make enough money in a few years to retire!”

Nathaniel doesn’t seem as impressed as he should. He just looks at me steadily. “At what cost?”

“What do you mean?” I avoid his gaze.

“I mean that when you turned up here, you were a nervous wreck. You were like some freaked-out rabbit. White as a sheet. Stiff as a board. You looked like you hadn’t ever seen the sun, you looked like you hadn’t ever enjoyed yourself-―”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not. Can’t you see how much you’ve changed?You’re not edgy anymore. You’re not a bundle of nerves.” He picks up my arm and lets it fall down. “That arm would have stayed there!”

“OK… so I’ve relaxed a bit!” I throw up my hands. “I know I’ve changed. I’ve calmed down and I’ve learned to cook and iron and pull pints―and I’ve had a wonderful time. But it’s like a holiday. It can’t last forever!”

“Why not?” His persistence is unnerving me.

“Because!” I say, rattled. “If I stay as a housekeeper I’ll be unfulfilled!”

“Is that what your lawyer friend told you?” There’s a hostile edge to his tone. “That you’ll be more fulfilled working twenty-four hours a day? That they’re only thinking of your own good?”

“No! I mean, it’s obvious. I can’t clean loos forever!”

Nathaniel shakes his head in despair.

“So after all this you’re just going to go back, pick up the reins, and carry on as though nothing happened?”

“It’ll be different this time! I’ll keep a balance. They really want me to come back, they’ll listen to what I want―”

“Who are you kidding?” Nathaniel grips my shoulders. “Samantha, they don’t give a shit about you! Can’t you see that? It’ll be the same stress, the same lifestyle―”

I feel a sudden surge of anger toward him for not understanding; for not supporting me.

“Well, at least I tried something new!” My words pour out in a torrent. “At least I went out and tried a different life for a bit!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” His grasp loosens in shock.

“It means, what have you ever tried, Nathaniel?” I know I sound shrill and aggressive but I can’t help myself. “You’re so narrow-minded! You live in the same village you grew up in, you run the family business, you’re buying a nursery down the road… you’re practically still in the womb. So before you lecture me on the way to live my life, try living one of your own, OK?”

I break off, panting, to see Nathaniel looking as though I’ve slapped him.

“I… didn’t mean it,” I mumble.

I take a few steps away, feeling near to tears. This isn’t the way things were supposed to go. Nathaniel was supposed to support me and give me a hug and tell me I was making the right decision. Instead here we are, standing yards apart, not even looking at each other.

“I thought about spreading my wings.” Nathaniel suddenly speaks, his voice stiff.“There’s a nursery in Cornwall I’d die to own. Fantastic piece of land, fantastic business―but I didn’t look at it. I preferred not to be six hours away from you.” He shrugs.“I guess you’re right.That was pretty narrow-minded of me.”

I don’t know how to reply. For a while there’s silence, except for the cooing of pigeons down at the end of the garden. It is the most spectacular evening, I suddenly realize. Evening sun is slanting through the willow tree and the grass smells sweet underneath my feet.

“Nathaniel… I have to go back.” My voice isn’t quite steady. “I don’t have any choice. But we can still be together. The two of us. We can still make it work.We’ll have holidays… weekends… I’ll come back for Eamonn’s party… You won’t know I’ve gone!”

He’s silent for a moment, fiddling with the handle of the bucket. When at last he looks up, his expression makes my heart hurt.

“Yeah,” he says in a quiet voice. “I will.”

The news makes the front page of the Daily Mail. I am a genuine celebrity.

SAMANTHA CHOOSES LAW OVER LOOS. As I come into the kitchen the next morning, Trish is poring over it, with Eddie reading another copy.

“Trish’s interview has been printed!” he announces. “Look!”

“‘I always knew Samantha was a cut above the average housekeeper,’ says Trish Geiger, thirty-seven” reads out Trish proudly. “ ‘We often discussed philosophy and ethics together over the Hoover.’ ”

She looks up and her face changes. “Samantha, are you all right? You look absolutely washed out.”

“I didn’t sleep that well,” I admit, and flip on the kettle.

I spent the night at Nathaniel’s. We cooked mushroom omelets together and watched the end of an old war movie and had slow, tender sex. We didn’t talk any more about my going. But at three o’clock, when I looked over at him, he was awake too, staring up at the ceiling.

“You need energy!” says Trish, perturbed. “It’s your big day! You need to look your best!”

“I will.” I try to smile. “I just need a cup of coffee.”

It’s going to be a huge day. The Carter Spink PR department swung into action as soon as I made my decision and has turned my return into a full media event.There’s going to be a big press conference at lunchtime in front of the Geigers’ house, where I’ll say how delighted I am to be going back to Carter Spink. Several of the partners are going to shake my hand for the photographers and I’ll give a few short interviews.