Джеймс Кейн - Career in C Major and Other Fiction

Just to be o’n’ry.

Keep out of this, will you, Loman? It’s hard enough without no help.

Why don’t you go out there and talk to that tree?

Because the tree ain’t on the committee.

That’s a dam shame.

Mr. Friend, we ain’t giving you no funny talk. We’re explaining this here evolution as good as we can, and we’d get along better if you would listen at what we’re trying to tell you and quit all the time putting up a bum argument about how we’re doing it.

I ain’t ask you to explain me nothing. Go on and do your talking. I already told you I’ll git the hang of it time you git done. I ain’t never seen nothing yet I couldn’t git the hang of.

If you was to get the hang of a manila rope, that would be a fine thing for the people of this State.

All right, you got a father. And you got a grandfather, ain’t you? Or maybe had one?

All right. All right. Just keep on with your funny talk. All right, mister, now I’ll ask you something. If I didn’t have no grandfather, how would I have a father? How would my father of got here, hunh? Tell me that!

That’s a tough one, all right.

Loman, just as a favor to me, will you stay out of this and quit balling it up? All right. You want to get in it, you take him awhile. See what you can do.

No, thanks. I pass.

You can read so good, tell me that.

All right, Mr. Friend, you got a father and you got a grandfather. Now you’re descended from your father and your grandfather, you got that? And your father and your grandfather , they’re descended from their father and their grandfather , you got that? And so are you descended from their father and their grandfather, and so on and so on, you got that?

I already told you I ain’t deef.

And them evolutionists says men is descended from monkeys.

You quit hollering at me.

Hollering at you! Goddam it, I’ll crown you with a brick in a minute!

Who’s balling it up now?

Well anyway, I ain’t balling it up on purpose.

All the time hollering at me. I ain’t going to take no more of it.

Mr. Friend, did you hear what I just now told you about how them evolutionists says men is descended from monkeys?

That’s better, mister. That’s a whole lot better. You talk to me right, I’ll talk to you right.

You hear that, don’t you, Hayes? Now you know where you get off.

Mr. Friend.

Hunh?

Are we talking to suit you this way? Is this all right, the way I’m talking now?

But that ain’t how you was talking just now. You was hollering at me.

Never mind how I was talking just now. Am I talking to suit you now?

And another thing, mister. I’ll thank you to quit cussing at me. I ain’t no mule.

All right, then.

I don’t allow nobody to cuss at me. You just as well understand that right now.

Where was I at?

Where you was at was about them monkeys, but was you going or coming I wouldn’t like to say.

Oh yeah. Them monkeys. Now, Mr. Friend, have you got it all straight about that? About how them evolutionists says men is descended from monkeys?

Who says so?

Them evolutionists.

Ev—?

I swear this is the worst crime I ever seen.

— olutionists.

All right, mister, keep it up. Just keep it up. Some day the people is going to find out how things is run in this place. All the time showing off how good they can read. All the time showing off how many big words they know. All the time making speeches and using big words. I sit in that place over there every night for to help pass the laws, and then what? I can’t never git the meaning of nothing. I can’t never get the meaning on account of all them big words.

Well, it ain’t no other word for these people we’re talking about, Mr. Friend, so you just as well learn this one.

That’s it. Just take a week off and learn it.

Why don’t they talk so’s somebody can understand them?

All right, Mr. Friend, we won’t argue about it. We’ll just forget that word and go on with what we’re doing.

What in the hell are we doing anyway?

We’ll just say there’s some people that says this here, and not bother about no name for them at all. Have you got it straight what they say now? That men is descended from monkeys?

But I don’t never git the right meaning of nothing.

Well, that’s tough, but don’t let it worry you none. You got plenty of company. If them delegates ever found out what they was voting for ’stead of getting descended from monkeys they would get ascended up into heaven. ’Cause God is the only one knows, and even He ain’t so dam sure.

Monkeys!

That’s what we’re talking about, Mr. Friend. Monkeys.

Monkey-de-monk!

Ain’t these people in this place got nothing better to do, mister, than think up a whole lot of devilment about monkeys? Don’t they never do no work?

Never mind about whether they work or not, Mr. Friend. Have you got it straight about how men is descended from monkeys? Or supposed to be, anyhow?

All the time thinking up some new kind of devilment. All the time showing off how good they can read. All the time showing off how many big words they know. Mister, what we talking about monkeys for, anyhow? Why ain’t we talking about something that is some good? Why ain’t we talking about is Flint Neck going to git their new schoolhouse?

We’ve been all over that, Mr. Friend. The bills on them schoolhouses was referred jointly to the Committee on Education and the Ways and Means Committee and we’re postponing action on them until the Ways and Means takes up the money part, and then we’ll consider the Flint Neck schoolhouse on its merits same as all the rest. What we’re considering now is the Evolution Bill and I’ll appreciate it if you’ll get your mind on that so we’ll maybe have something to show for our time.