Barney Stinson - The Bro Code

A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman, regardless of whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally.

THE SHOE TAP — To be avoided in public restrooms

THE EYE REDIRECT

THE SWIFT SHIN KICK — D cups and up only, please

Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire.

NOTE: Attempt to start a fire outside.

Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend.

A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event

There once lived a Bro who would text his Bros: "Hot chicks in the bar tonight!" When his Bros would arrive to wingman him, he would laugh at them for there were no hot. chicks, just, like, a lot of dudes or something. The Bro did this a couple of times because he thought it was hysterical — and it kind of is — until one night he walked into the bar to discover a Hawaiian Tropic calendar shoot taking place. The Bro texted his Bros in terror: "Dudes, seriously need a wingman right now… hot-chick calendar shoot!" But this time his Bros paid no heed to his cry, nor did they leave their video game marathon to assist him. The Bro tried to score a bikini babe on his own, but with no wingman, he was torn to pieces by the entire flock.

There is no believing a Bro who lies about hot chicks, even when he speaks the truth.

A Bro never asks for directions when lost.

EXCEPTION: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick who seems to know the area.

EXCEPTION: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost.

EXCEPTION: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he is not lost at all.

When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.

COROLLARY: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look.

If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave [14] And beyond, if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death. .This is what makes them Bros, not chicks.

NOTE: A woman's lust for gossip is matched only by her passion to have babies and accessorize. As such, a Bro should take heed when divulging a secret to a married Bro.

A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman

Name:

Alias:

(e.g., Jack Package, the Barnacle)

Special Skills:

(e.g., PowerPoint, speak German, masseur)

On the scale below, please rate your attractiveness.

1 — 2–3 — 4–5 — 6–7 — 8–9 — Barney Stinson

Multiple Choice

1. You are the sessions drummer for Van Halen. Who is not your lead singer?

a. David Lee Roth

b. Gary Cherone

c. Sammy Hagar

d. Barney Stinson

2. Historically, a chick does not enjoy jokes about her:

a. face

b. shoes

c. intelligence

d. none of the above

Short Answer

You are character A. Character B is your wingman. Explain what game you would run and why.

Essay Question

On the back of this application, write about a person who has made a significant impact on your life.

A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.

The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing… provided she looks good in it… but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes.

Be it here resolved that at no point is it permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another Bro's mother. It is, however, allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats, animalia, and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. (Nota bene: It is customary for a Bro to avoid such Brocularity if his Bro's mom is a nine or better, for fear of Ocdipal inducement.) Should a Bro discover his Bro is adopted, he is free to pursue his Bro's adoptive mother, but only after first corroborating nonbiological parentage through notarized binh certificates, hospital records, or comparative deoxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis, whichever is most convenient.

If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It's cool. No big whoop.

Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night.

A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging.

Besides the obvious health hazards inherent in keeping an arm aloft for an extended period of time, the emotional effects of leaving a Bro out to dry in public can be devastating. If you ever see a Bro, even one you don't know, looking around frantically with a paw held high in the air, throw him a Broneand hit him up top.

CLASSIC FIVE

THE FIST BUMP

THE EXPLODING FIST BUMP

AROUND THE WORLD

THE SELF FIVE

THE RELAPSE FIVE