Barney Stinson: The Bro Code

EXCEPTION: Unless he doesn't know the guy.

Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro"

A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date.

The Lemon Law is a little-known dating loophole that allows a Bro to bail on any date in the first five minutes, no questions asked. How many times has a Bro set you up with a blind date who winds up looking like the unmasked Predator? Now, with the Lemon Law, you no longer need to sit through that kind of torture or waste any of the Predator's time. Simply present your date with a Lemon Law card, and you're out the door.

I'M SORRY, BUT THIS DATE IS OVER

IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LEMON LAW

www.barneysblog.com

The Lemon Law may be invoked if, at any point during the initial five minutes (300 seconds) of a first date, either party deems the union union hopeless and elects to abort said date in the interest of time and/or self-respect. Receipt of this card hereby absolve the giverfrom any "hard feeling" or "questions" from the lemon lawyeerelevant to the discontinuance of the date, which may be terminated for any reason including, but not limited to: tawdry attire, hrcath, homeliness, misplaced/excessive body-hair, Long Island accent, public school education, bad credit, no credit, suipicious odor(s).

ADDENDA

(I) givermay waive the Lemon Law should lemon lawyeeimmediately consent to a no-string attached "stand," duration of which shall be no longer than one (1) night. (II) the term of this agreement are non-exclusively transferable, in deference to the emergence of the Lemon Lawn as a "thing." (III) in the unlikely event of a simultaneous invocation, parties shall enact one (1) "high five." with neither party officially assuming credit for the Lemon Law issuance

A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) it's been longer than a month since his last manicure. It 's called the Bro Code, not the Slob Code.

A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.

When executing a high five, a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand.

It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoonage by arm wrestling[15] Not on the bed.to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided, each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.

A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text, or email in a timely fashion.

A Bro refrains from using too much detail when relating sexual exploits to his Bros.

Providing graphic detail when describing a sexual feat unconsciously forces your Bros to picture you naked… and there's no coming back from that.

If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back.

EXCEPTION: If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary-looking guy.

EXCEPTION: If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week.

EXCEPTION: If the Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody's back.

A Bro doesn't listen to chick music… in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyche, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.

A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.

No sex with your Bro's ex.

It is never, ever permissible for a Bro to sleep with his Bros ex. Violating this code is worse than killing a Bro.

A Bro is entitled to have sex with his Bro's ex if she initiates it, she is really hot, or his Bro is out of town or in a different room.

If a Bro writes and directs a trilogy of awesome space-themed sagas that define a generation's childhood, he is forbidden from later tarnishing that legacy by crapping out a prequel trilogy that forces Bros to specify "Episodes 4 to 6" or "the real trilogy" when referencing what was once. a perfect series of movies, regardless of how anyone feels about Ewoks.

Should a Bro become aware that his Bro has a really hot sister (a nine or higher), she is no longer protected under Article 19: A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. That said, a Bro should reevaluatc if the sister kind of resembles his Bro in a wig.

A Bro shall never turn away a Bro who shows up uninvited at his door with a box of porn.

If your Bro finds himself living with a chick, it is no longer acceptable for you to show up uninvited at his door with a box of porn.

Okay, if a Bro desperately needs to stash his porn somewhere, he is allowed to show up uninvited at his Bro's door with a box of porn, even if his Bro is living with a chick. Since the Bro's connection with his porn undoubtedly constitutes an older and more meaningful relationship, the box of porn is afforded right of way over the live-in girlfriend, despite the box of porn's inability to get super pissed and withhold sex for the night.

(Write in your own so that later — when called upon — you can cite the Bro Code.)

Bro may toss the Bro Code out the window if Scandinavian twins are involved in any capacity.

A Bro is allowed to play air guitar, provided that the air guitar is made of plastic and connected to a video game system.