Barney Stinson: The Bro Code

A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the latter Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.

A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.

EXCEPTION: A Bro is off the hook if his Bro orders a drink that arrives with an umbrella in it.

If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, his Bros shall offer no more than a "that sucks, man" and copious quantities of beer. To eliminate the possibility of any awkward moments in the future, his Bros shall also refrain from any pejorative commentary — deserved or not — regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite backslide window has fully closed.

Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own personal records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent.

EXCEPTION: Dry spell trumps hot streak.

Duh.

A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.

As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.

Three Arnigos

Three Musketeers

The Police

Apollo 13 Astronauts

Three Stooges

( Exception: Hanson)

Mount Rushmore

The Fantastic Four (feature film version)

The Monkees

Olympic Bobsled Team

Michael Jordan's Teammates

( Exception: The Beatles)

A Bro never spell-checks.

When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the hill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather than enormously relieved.

At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way, if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.

A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick.

Chicks like to stretch the truth about their age, promiscuity, and sometimes — with the help of extensive makeup and structural lingerie — even their body shape. As such, it's fair game for Bros to exaggerate reality when asked about their Brofession. It's also smart: a Bro's career is to a chick what a chick's boobs are to a Bro.

If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic, Barry White-esque tone.

Bros don't cuddle.

EXCEPTION: To conserve body heat in an emergency situation.

A Bro shall never rack jack[11] To steal your wingman's chick. Big-time no-no.his wingman.

To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between Bro and wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each faces the other, places his left hand on The Bro Code, raises his right hand, and recites the Wingman Pledge.

I shall uphold the Bro Code to the fullest of my ability.

I will never allow my wingman to go home with less than a six.

I agree to swap rounds of drinks with my wingman, even if I keep getting stuck paying for shots.

I will never rack jack my wingman, no matter how hot the chick.

I pledge to never leave a wingman behind when invited to a party.

If my wingman meets a hot chick with an ugly friend, I will jump on the grenade.

If my wingman gets rejected by a chick, I shall unequivocally agree that she sucked anyway, even if I thought she seemed kind of cool and interesting.

Should my wingman strike up a conversation with a chick of a questionable legal age, I will endeavor to ascertain and verify her birth date.

If I discover evidence that my wingman's chick is in a relationship, I shall make that information available to him, unless it's pretty clear the boyfriend/husband isn't there.

I shall honor and respect the dibs system.

At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall lightheartedly pretend he's not horrified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.[12] Open bar only.

COROLLARY: If a Bro's date should catch the bouquet, he shall act excited (if he wishes to sleep with her ever again) before scurrying to the bar to join the garter Bro for a very stiff drink and/or shots.

A Bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle[13] Engaging in a threesome., short of completing the tricycle himself

1. The aggregate age of all three participants shall not exceed eighty-three years.

2. The aggregate weight of all three participants shall be less than 400 pounds/181.44 kg.

3. No money or other considerations may be exchanged for services rendered.

4. Pregnant women shall consult with their physician before riding the tricycle.

5. No wheel of the tricycle shall be within three branches of another's family tree.

6. No black-soled sneakers.

7. Female participants shall refrain from destroying the illusion that this is new to them.

8. Kitchen appliances and other electrical devices are strictly forbidden.

9. Participants must shower before riding the tricycle, and definitely after.

A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.

If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to "take it back" or "apologize" to make amends.