Daniela Kapitánová - Samko Tále's Cemetery Book

Right.

I’ve been hard-working ever since I left school and I stopped going there because I left school. Some people said they wouldn’t mind staying at school and they stayed there because they wanted to. But I said that I wouldn’t go to school any more because I wanted to be hard-working.

Darinka Gunárová, for example, kept going to school, but not for much longer, because she married the fat slob Manica even though he was really nasty, because he didn’t work and had long hair and she was only sixteen years old.

That made Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) very unhappy but there was nothing he could do about it because Darinka Gunárová said that she was going to have a baby and that’s when you have to get married, because that’s the law. So she got married, but then it turned out that it wasn’t true and she didn’t have a baby, but she was already married to that fat slob Manica who kept shouting at me like this:

‘Everybody thinks

Samko Tále stinks.’

Anyway.

Later she got divorced and left to emigrate to America. But that was very bad for Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences), because people might have thought that he was fond of America even though he was PhD Social Sciences, because Darinka Gunárová left to emigrate there.

That made him very unhappy and once when I went to see him to report everything he said he had something to tell me and this was what he said then:

‘It’s all my fault.’

Meaning not that it was all my fault but that it was all his fault, he just said my fault because he was talking of himself, but what he meant was that it was his fault that Darinka Gunárová left to emigrate.

Because it goes without saying that she didn’t leave because of me because we were just classmates and she married the nasty fat slob Manica, not me. She couldn’t have married me because I’ve never married anyone, because I don’t have time for silly things like marrying because I have lots of things to do due to being hard-working.

Besides I never did anything with Darinka Gunárová because she was Class Prefect and I wasn’t Class Prefect because I wasn’t.

The only time I did anything with Darinka Gunárová was when I lent her my handkerchief when she was being sick after eating green beans that were grown in the school garden even though it was forbidden. And then she was sick in the school yard and everyone ran away from her.

I was the only one who didn’t run away from her.

I gave her my handkerchief because she didn’t have one and I did because I always have one. She never gave it back to me but I didn’t report her because I didn’t need it and now I’m so well-off that I could easily buy two hundred handkerchiefs if I felt like it. But I don’t feel like it, because what’s the point of having two hundred handkerchiefs, right?

Right.

So it goes without saying that it wasn’t my fault that she left to emigrate and that it was somebody else’s fault, even though Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) believed that it was his fault, but I don’t get it and I will never understand what gave him this idea because he’s always been very kind and has always been helping everyone.

Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) had lots of good qualities.

For example, he taught me this humorous song about the woman called Katuša who did all sorts of sexual things with priests.

Once I sang this song to Alf Névéry because I thought that he might want to learn it too so that at last he might have something humorous to say but he didn’t want to learn it and instead he asked where I had learned it so I told him that I had learned it from Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) after everything had turned out well.

I thought that it would make him laugh but he didn’t laugh even though the song is very humorous especially where it says about how she did it with the Pope. That’s really very humorous.

But it didn’t make Alf Névéry laugh at all and he didn’t even give me any Karlsbad Wafers, he just stared at Uncle Otto’s The Safe City and then the next day I found him dead.

I have no idea why he died because nobody has ever told me, so I really have no way of telling why he died because nobody in Komárno or anywhere else in the world knew why.

Sometimes I think that he died because he wasn’t humorous at all because people should be humorous. And people should also have a healthy life of style and drink lots of yoghurt and take plenty of exercise in the fresh air.

Because yoghurt is really very good for you.

Anyway.