Daniela Kapitánová - Samko Tále's Cemetery Book

Then he said that I shouldn’t think about it any more and that he would sort everything out.

So I stopped thinking about it.

And then I went home.

And then I got home.

And then I went to sleep.

And then I woke up because of this weird nice smell.

I have no idea where that smell came from because it was the kind of smell I had never smelled before, not even on TV, and that’s why I was very surprised and I went to see my Mum in the kitchen and asked her about the smell but my Mum couldn’t smell anything because she had lost her smell when she had her bad back cured so it goes without saying that she couldn’t smell the weird smell either. She said that it must have been something I had dreamt and that I should go back to bed. So I went back to bed and then I went back to sleep.

And then I woke up because it was the morning and I went to the piano room and I saw that Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) and Darinka Gunárová were in the piano room which was very weird, because they had never been in our house before except for Darinka Gunárová because she used to come to my Mum for piano lessons because she had a feeling for it.

And another weird thing was that it was in the morning because we usually never had visitors in the morning because that’s not the time for visitors. Because it’s the morning.

Darinka Gunárová was sitting on the piano stool looking at the piano but you could tell that in reality she wasn’t really looking at the piano at all, she just looked like she was looking at it. And both her arms were bandaged all the way up to her elbows.

It was very weird.

And she put a little golliwog on the piano lid. A golliwog was a little doll that was all black and naked except for little rings it had in its ears regarding earrings. It was made of rubber.

And that’s when Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) told me about the tragic disaster that had happened because Tonko Szedílek had fallen off the Water Tower at night because he probably tried to climb up to the top by the lightning rod, and due to that he fell down and onto his head and he broke his head. And due to that he died.

I had no idea what to say to that because I didn’t know. Then my Dad took me to the kitchen and he shouted at me in a low voice about why I hadn’t told him anything and why he had to find out like this and if I ever told anyone that we had known about this and that Darinka Gunárová was also meant to go up there, I would end up in jail and so would Ivana and Margita and Mum and Dad and Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences), and especially Darinka Gunárová. He asked if that was what I wanted. And I said that it wasn’t what I wanted.

Then my Dad said that nobody could have known that Tonko wanted to climb up the Water Tower. And that I should mark his words. And that he was born out of bedlock and due to that he wasn’t right in the head. So it was his own business and we should be glad that things turned out the way they did.

So I was glad that things turned out the way they did.

But it was all very weird anyway.

Then I took off my pyjamas.

Then Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) said that we didn’t have to go to school that day because of the tragic disaster that had happened regarding our classmate.

I couldn’t stop looking at Darinka Gunárová’s arms wondering why both her arms were bandaged.

Once there was this man in Komárno and his arms had to be bandaged like that. His name was Róbert Sekule. Róbert Sekule was weird regarding sexual things because he was naughty sexually. He used to exposition himself.

Because that’s what some people are like and they like to exposition themselves.

And that’s what Róbert Sekule was like, too And because he was like that he used to go to the Young Craftsmen’s Club every Sunday morning but in reality he didn’t go there. In reality he used to go to the Klement Gottwald Park and exposition himself.

His wife’s name was Júlia Sekulová and she suspected that Róbert Sekule was sexually naughty, so one day she decided to follow him to find out what this Young Craftsmen’s Club was all about. And that’s when she saw it. She went back home and didn’t say anything to him but next Sunday, when he left home, she followed him along with some acid and when he started doing it she poured the acid on his hands and down there. You know where I mean. On his penis.

After that Róbert Sekule’s arms had to be bandaged until he had an operation and then they had to be bandaged again because of the operation he had. And then he moved to Hlohovec and nothing more happened after that.

His wife went to jail regarding the acid that had burned his thing so badly that there wasn’t much left to operate on but they operated anyway.

And then everyone said that at least he wouldn’t be naughty any more and exposition himself and everyone admired Júlia Sekulová.

I also said so and I admired her, too.

So that’s why I got so worked up regarding the bandages on Darinka Gunárová’s arms and wondered what they were for. And then Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) said that I should keep an eye on her because she might try to run away through the window.

That was very weird because we lived on the third floor and it’s forbidden to climb out of there.

Then I looked at Darinka Gunárová and I asked her what had happened to her regarding the bandages. And she said that she had broken the window because she wanted to run away and join Tonko Szedílek.

I didn’t know what to say.

So after that neither of us said anything.

Then my Dad and Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) started drinking an alcoholic drink and my Mum left and went to Grandaddy’s place.

I was happy that Darinka Gunárová was in our house because we could talk except that we didn’t talk because Darinka Gunárová wouldn’t say anything.

I didn’t say anything either.

Then my Dad and Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) started singing Slovak folk songs, because Slovak folk songs are the most beautiful in the world. That’s what they said on TV and also at school. They said Slovak folk songs were the most beautiful because the Slovak people were the most beautiful people and everyone respected us for it.

I respect us for it, too.

And then something very weird happened. As they were singing Darinka Gunárová stuck the rubber golliwog between her knees and started squeezing it. And the rubber golliwog made a squeaking noise. The squeaking was very loud and I was frightened that the noise would upset Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences). And I was frightened that Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) might get angry with me too, so I went to the piano room because I was happy that he was friends with my Dad now and that my Dad stopped making fun of the Communist Party and that things had turned out so well.

When I came back to the piano room Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) patted me on the back and said that I was a good boy. He said that I was the best boy in the world and he patted me on the back and that made me very happy. And he said that I should join them in singing a song.

The thing is I don’t like to sing very much and I’m not very good at singing because I don’t know any songs except for some Christmas Carols and the song about my dear friend Augustin that goes like this:

‘Oh, Duleeber Augustin, Augustin, Augustin,

Oh, Duleeber Augustin,

Alex is in.’

So I said that I couldn’t sing but Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) said that I should have a go anyway so I did. They kept singing a humorous song and Darinka Gunárová kept making squeaking golliwog noises.

The song they sang was this very humorous song about a woman called Katuša and how she did it with priests. I learned to sing it too because it was very humorous. And the beginning went like this: