Питер Мейл: Baby Taming [non pics]

We are fond of games for a different and far less noble reason; games can reduce babies to a state of obedient exhaustion. For once, nature is on your side. You're heavier, faster, better coordinated, and you have a longer reach. As long as you use these advantages ruthlessly, you're bound to win more often than you lose. Games, toys, and other pieces of equipment

will need to change with the various stages and ages your baby goes through, so the guide that follows is broken down by age groups.

They're only approximate ages, and our listing of games is by no means comprehensive, but it will at least give you a few ideas. The Exhaustion Rating we give each game is very, very general; individual levels of patience, stamina, and imagination differ so much that it would be impossible to provide more than a rough indication of the degree of exhaustion you can hope to achieve with each game.

Come out fighting when the bell sounds, and good luck.

Z-

Strictly for Beginners

AGE

0—6 months

GAME

Back-pedalling. Place baby on back. Grasp feet and "bicycle" the legs vigorously. Alternate between fast and slow. For some reason, babies find changes of speed hilarious. The resulting laughter is good exercise for their stomach muscles.

Arm Wrestling. Same principle, but you hold onto the hands instead of the feet and use a push-pull motion instead of bicycling.

Finger-catching. Hold your index finger about a foot away from the baby's face, and move it slowly from side to side. Allow your finger to be caught at least as often as it escapes.

EXHAUSTION RATING

Excellent. A few minutes of this three-part programme two or three times a day is enough to wear any baby out. Note: not to be, played when baby's stomach is full.

Tactics for Toddlers

AGE

6—9 months

GAME

Fetchil A favourite with most babies. It consists of throwing things out of the cot or high chair and yelling until you pick them up. You can counter this tiresome tactic by tying toys to cot or chair with a short piece of elastic so that they bounce back when thrown.

Bouncing. The investment required (see Equipment) is well worth it. You can hang the bouncer from any convenient doorway, so that you and baby can still see each other. It's safe, it needs little effort from you, and it's very tiring for your baby. Who could ask for anything more?

EQUIPMENT

A selection of most-liked small toys, and some strong elastic.

A doorway swing — a sit-in harness that you hang from the door frame with thick elastic ropes.

EXHAUSTION RATING Poor.

Terrific. Half an hour of this is as effective as going fifteen rounds with Ali would be for you

or me.

Tactics for Toddlers

AGE

6—9 months

GAME

Minor Chaos. This age loves undoing, unscrewing, and emptying. No drawer, box or shelf is safe unless you provide plenty of more attractive alternatives.

EQUIPMENT

Boxes with lids, jars with tops. Fill them with small toys or household objects, like teaspoons, that are unbreakable and too big to swallow.

EXHAUSTION RATING

Untidy, and not very tiring, but excellent diversion.

lor the More Advanced

AGE

9-18 months

GAME

Scooting. Played at ever-increasing speeds as legs and coordination develop. Seated in a walker (see Equipment), your baby will be happy for extended periods of time whizzing around like an overwound clockwork toy. Tie a few small playthings — a rattle, a doll, a plastic hammer — to the walker, and encourage maximum mileage.

EQUIPMENT

The standard four-wheel walker with heavy-duty canvas cockpit. Get a good sturdy one; the lightweight racing models tend to fall apart after a few weeks.

EXHAUSTION RATING

Wonderful. We have seen many babies scoot themselves into a docile trance caused by fatigue and enjoyment.

AGE

9-18 mo;

For the More Advanced

GAME

Getting under Your Feet. There is a certain age, usually around one year, when all your baby really wants to do is follow you around the house. This often coincides with those first uncertain attempts at walking and navigation, so progress is never fast and sometimes painful. You are constantly having to pick up and comfort a small screeching figure who has been attacked by a piece of furniture or tripped up by a rug.

EQUIPMENT

It helps if your baby has something to hang onto while walking. A small cart is probably best, but anything stable and on wheels will do.

EXHAUSTION RATING

High, for both of you. Your longer legs and superior housecraft will eventually outlast your opponent, but it's a tiring business.

Playing Alone

From the age of just a few weeks, your baby will happily play alone if there is something fascinating enough to play with. It's hardly something you can teach, but it's certainly something you can encourage. Here are a few hints you may find useful in nudging your baby into the habit.

• Check the reaction to various types of toy. Babies differ in their toy tastes just as adults differ in their tastes in books or sports. Some babies love puzzles or mechanical toys; other babies find these frustrating and are happier with books or blocks. You can only find out

by trial and error, but you'll see a preference emerge quite quickly.

• Don't hover. You obviously have to keep an eye on your baby, but do it from a distance. Otherwise, you will become essential to the act of playing.

• By and large, the most successful and enduring toys are the old standbys like balls, rings, blocks, and robust push-pull toys. Get the best quality you can find. Toys that break easily can make a baby feel clumsy and guilty. Don't despair if there are days when nothing will do except you. And don't get upset when, on other days, your company is spurned in favour of

a plastic frog or a bucket of mud.

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ired? Irritable? Prone to homicidal tendencies? Does the sight of a nappy make you wince? You're not ill; you're just fed up. Most new parents feel exactly like that after the first few weeks of parenthood. They've had an overdose of baby, and they need a break.

As a general and completely arbitrary rule, you should have one day or evening away from your baby each week. And it should be a rule. Time off is good for you, good for your

marriage, and good for your baby. (Sooner or later, the baby's got to get used to other faces besides yours. Why not sooner?)

The younger a baby is when you start going out, the less chance there is of a tantrum. If you wait until your baby is old enough to grasp the principle of baby-sitting before you go out for an evening, you'll have a long wait. Take the plunge. You'll find that babies who are regularly left with sitters soon accept them as part of their lives.

Admittedly, finding a good sitter isn't always easy. If you're lucky, you'll already know someone in the neighbourhood, or your friends will be able to recommend one. If not, you'll have to make a choice based on a very brief acquaintance. And since there are no diplomas given out for trusty and qualified sitters, you'll be forced to rely on your instincts.

Test 1: Would you trust the prospective sitter with your car, an important message, cash, or your front door key? If not, you certainly won't feel happy trusting her with your baby.

Test2: Before you make up your mind, introduce prospective sitter to baby. A few minutes watching the two of them together will tell you a lot.

Once you find a good sitter you'll want to hang on to her. The following do's and don'ts worked very well for us in avoiding misunderstandings and maintaining an amiable working relationship.

• Have the sitter come fifteen or twenty minutes before you want to leave, so you can show her what she needs to see in the house. Even after she becomes familiar with the house, the extra fifteen minutes will come in handy to bring her up to date on the baby's latest bedtime idiosyncrasies.