Kenzaburo Oe - Somersault

The people haven't been completely eliminated yet but are living off the remains of what's been manufactured and not replacing them once they're used up. There's no electricity, no running water, no public transportation.

Everyone's waiting for death in inconspicuous corners of this city, lying there, curled up, helpless babies once again, bereft of the skills needed to live.

"Why did things reach this state? Was a neutron bomb dropped that spared the buildings but is killing the people and animals through radiation?

Has a hitherto unknown epidemic broken out? It would still have been fine if this was just one medium-sized city that the outside world kept isolated, waiting for the radiation or epidemic to run its course. But if the exact thing is happening everywhere around the globe, doesn't this scene show us the human race becoming extinct?

"What I was surely doing was reading one page of this heretofore un- known kind ot book to Guide. How was this going to take place? Could it be halted? And what was God trying to tell us? I was supposed to read on, a Herculean task. Guide and I were agreed that we were standing at that very starting point."

"Looking back on it, I see this is where, for the hrst time since we'd begun our movement, a crack developed in our sense of oneness. Back at the very beginning, Guide discovered in me the person he'd been searching for and shaped me in that image. I have already told you what happened after that. At the same time, I discovered in him someone I could lean on. I pressed him hard, too, to make him become that support.

"He dubbed me Savior, but I didn't have any confidence that I was one, though he was way too strict to let me joke around about being a false savior or anything.

"Sad to say, I didn't think he'd always stay with me as my prophet. He took the words I spouted out when the effects of my deep trances were still with me and translated them into proper language. But every moment I was afraid that someday he'd find it too much trouble and get up and leave. If that happened, I'd be nothing. I'd still babble out delirious nonsense after my trances, but what would be the point?

"I had the feeling that maybe Guide didn't really need me. And this made me fearful of two things. First, I was afraid I was forcing him to work for me, and this might cause him to leave the church. Second, I was afraid that, as he became a more experienced prophet, he'd find me inadequate as a savior and look for someone more suited to the role.

"So a fissure opened up between us. By this time our church was al- ready registered as a nonprofit religious foundation, which immediately made tax matters easier to handle and gave our followers legal protection.

Up to this point, Guide, who'd studied mathematics, was our accountant, but after this some followers he'd trained took over the finances. This freed him up to do other things, and he used this free time to organize within the church a group of hand-picked followers, bright athletic young people. Since we started the church, I've always wanted all members to be equal. That's why I didn't create any official positions. After some time passed I told him my concerns about expanding his elite group any further. But he told me to let him have his way; having been a teacher for so many years, he said, he found it a real psychological boost to be able to have young people in his charge again.

"I haven't really said anything about my own position in the church, have I? Anyway, the basis for our teachings was this: that we should all be conscious that the end of the world was approaching, and be more open to it, on both an emotional and an intellectual level. And most importantly, we should repent.

Isn't it a tragedy for this planet to be destroyed-a planet that has sustained so many countless lives-because only a small minority are truly repentant?

(Though some people would argue that the only thing that's destroyed is the environment needed for mankind to survive, not the planet itself.)

"With these feelings in mind, Guide and I began spreading our mes- sage to the world. That's all it was, really. To tell the truth, I would have been happy dealing with the end of the world and repentance just on my own per- sonal level. If I had my own time connected with God I'd be able to face death without any regrets or fears. I wasn't thinking about the afterlife or the sal- vation of the soul, just that I'd be able to survive for a certain time. During that time, as the end time drew near, I'd have a clear understanding that it was the end, I would repent as one, individual human being, and, as far as possible, I would end my days in a personal relationship with God, like some mystical hermit. That was my dream. And it could have come true.

"Why did someone like me, then, become the leader of a religious or- ganization? Why did I come to have so many people call me Savior, and why did I let them? The reason is that I didn't train myself enough, like the her- mits of old had. Ultimately I couldn't free myself from the one basic element of humanity-language. During this time, my trances steadily became more profound. I was also able to expand the visions I encountered and make them more real. And I couldn't keep silent about it. I was awed by the magical power of language.

"There are two aspects here. The first is connected with the contents of my trances. I'd fall into a deep trance and enter the world beyond. After re- turning to our world, I couldn't keep from mulling over the visions I'd had there. And here, the role Guide played was decisive. I'd turn to him and talk about the visions I had but couldn't understand. Words just spilled out. He'd put what I said into some sort of logical order, and I'd tell him his words weren't like the experience. And once again, he and I would try to get closer to what I saw in my trances. The visions and these new words would illumi- nate each other. That's how I learned the irreplaceable power that words can have.

"The second aspect of language was this: When, through Guide's help, we were able to narrate from what I'd read in that book in my trances, people began to come to listen to us. Before I met Guide I'd been doing something similar. At first it was just one or two people who'd listen to my solitary tales and then use the details as a kind of fortune-telling to figure out their future.

The number of people gradually increased until there was a set group of about fifteen who'd gather together. And then new people would come, men and women with pressing concerns of their own. A woman would ask how she could get her runaway drug-taking son to come home. A man would say he treated his father-in-law so coldly it's practically like he committed suicide, and how can he deal with this? As I got a reputation for being able to give people hints to solve their personal problems, more and more people began to gather around me. I was able to live on their offerings. Up to then I'd eked out a living writing record reviews for a music magazine.

"As I've told you, it was at this point that I met Guide. He came to a gathering to get my advice on a very personal problem; his wife and autistic son were afraid of him and had run away from home. Even if we can't get back together right away, he said, he wanted to find out where they were and whether they were okay.

"And he did get some results, so afterward he still kept coming to see me. He'd come alone and we'd have long talks. One day he happened to be there when I went into a trance, and he took care of me for several days. After I was back to a normal state of consciousness, Guide told me, in clear language, what my mutterings had meant. I can never forget how surprised and happy I was when my visions were revived like that. That's how our relationship began.

"Before long he began seeing me as a savior. I don't know whether, in the beginning, he believed that or not. Maybe he thought it was an amusing nickname. But I began calling him Prophet, because of how he interpreted my visions. Those names helped our relationship run more smoothly. That was the turning point at which what had been a private gathering turned into a religious organization.