Kenzaburo Oe - Somersault

'"I used to live a hermit's life, like someone living in a cave-my own private life, with my own private trances, and private prayers-until the Prophet forced me to face my followers, whose number had swelled to form a real church, and to confront the outside world. However, as the Prophet has often said, my faith rests solely on the foundation of my trances. I have no set notions of the future, or any concrete plan as to how to proceed. That is the truth.

" 'When I am in one of my trances, I'm on the other side. When I'm there I don't have a consciousness of standing in front of it-this only comes after I've awoken and mulled over the experience-but what I come face-to-face with is everything in miniature: past, present, and future, every person, thing, and event. It all forms a glowing structure that I'm standing in front of. I'm led to read and understand this structure by a will moving horizontally and vertically at the speed of light. If you wish to use the word God, then that will is God, that structure itself is God, an understanding I come to only after I've returned.

'"To use a simpler metaphor, it's a book unlike any other, a book within a book, which includes the entire world, the entire universe. I'm on the other side, reading it. This means being conscious of things that transcend the real world, that tie together past and future. Reading this book also means I'm alive in this world, and by living I'm writing new sections of it. If I distance myself even a little, I realize that the words already written in the book, and the new words written in it, are not merely about my own individual inner life. They're not just about my own individual actions, and the limited range of influence these might have in the real world. What I read in that book is the entire past and future of the world-indeed, of the universe-but what happens is that even my own insignificant individual actions, my own pass- ing thoughts, very subtly rewrite the whole. And in this I find evidence that my trifling individual self is one of the saviors of humanity.

'"I think the problem can be summarized this way. All the followers in this church want to take some decisive practical action, with the Prophet and myself leading them. These actions are already written in the book I read in my trances and can be written anew. But I cannot, ahead of time, tell you what they are. When it becomes absolutely necessary for me to speak, when something that transcends us pushes me forward in order to speak, be assured that my vision will take the form of words at the most opportune moment and you'll be the first to know. That time hasn't arrived yet, but it isn't far off.'

"After I finished saying this, the Prophet-for the first time since I met him-swept away the distance he'd always maintained between us. He faced me, gave a slight yet truly heartful bow, and then turned toward the assembled group of hand-picked young people who filled the conference room.

'"Everyone, let us pray! Let us pray! Hallelujah! Let us have faith that even the prayers of the weak and helpless such as ourselves may write one new line in that massive book. And let us all have hope in the Savior's trying task of seeing that in his vision! Let us pray that we may discover what sort of actions are possible for us. Let us await, as we pray, ideas that come to us of our own accord yet are also written in that book. Let us pray for understand- ing. The end of the world is fast approaching. As we repent, what can we do?

What must we do? Let us also pray that through the mediation of the Savior, this massive book on the other side will reveal the actions we must take. In his presence, and relying on him alone, let us pray. Hallelujah!'"

Kizu had never before heard Patron so excited, or speak about Guide being so worked up. As a person getting on in years, Kizu knew that if this excitement infected him as well, later on, retrospectively, it would leave be- hind a quite ambiguous emotion. So he adopted an artist's strategy, taking a step back from his subject and reexamining it.

"Did Guide talk to you before all this about why he put forth such a theory? I'm sure the two of you must have discussed it thoroughly beforehand."

A childish, prankish expression crossed Patron's face. "I think Guide must have been worried that I was going to sidestep those zealous young people. I think he was afraid that at my advanced age I wouldn't have any- thing to say to them and might end up with a few curt words of greeting and call it a day. Looking back on it now, I think the temptation for a Somersault grazed by me at that moment, and Guide must have sensed it."

"I've only spent a short time with him," Kizu said, "but I got the im- pression that he's not the type who opens up to others. On the other hand, when Ikuo expressed an interest in questioning you directly, Guide was kind enough to make the arrangements. Were Guide's sermons always this emotional?"

"I never saw Guide so excited in front of the followers again, though he could be pretty emotional when we talked privately.

"Another issue was raised that day at the research center. One researcher stood up, a naive-looking man but actually one tough customer. 'You keep saying the end of the world is near,' he said, 'and I agree. As the earth's popu- lation increases, human dignity will go down the drain. But how will the world end? As one who quietly awaits this with a repentant heart, I'd be happy if you'd say a few words about how it will end.'

"A few of his fellows heckled him pretty severely for asking this. 'What good is asking that going to do? That's not important!' That sort of thing.

The young man turned on his detractors and shouted in an even louder voice than theirs: '"You all are repenting and praying because the approaching end of the world is important, right? If that's all it is, how is this any different from the apocalyptic teachings of traditional religions?' Why did you choose this par- ticular church to join?

'"I entered this church,' he went on, 'after I heard about the real, con- crete visions the Savior had about the end of the world in his trances. I wanted to know more. The more we know, in case the approaching end time gets stalled we can give it a push with our own hands.'

"A young woman wearing glasses as round as two tennis balls, a lively, intelligent sort who looked like she came from a good family, responded to this; she wasn't irritated, exactly.

'"But just because the momentum toward the end of the world comes to a halt,' she said, 'isn't it going a little too far for us to help it along? I'm just a simple person who works with computers, so maybe I haven't grasped the full extent of what you mean. What bothers me about the way you said it is the hint of cynicism. Not that I'm saying you're enjoying the idea of the world ending. Through the Savior's teaching I do want to repent, as the world comes to an end, and gain a deeper acceptance of what's going to occur. There's no room for cynicism or curiosity.'

"Guide broke in at this point to urge me to respond. Based on Dancer's cards, here is the gist of what I said.

"'My vision of the end of the world is limited to a view of a small-sized provincial city, a city on the verge of death. The end has not yet arrived but is surely on its way. Yet not a single voice arises in prayer. The citizens have lost all vitality. That's the scene I envision. What I want to do is to insert a group of repentant, prayerful people in the midst of this scene. My hope is that this will become the model for all human cities.

'"As I said earlier, in the beginning I was just a hopeless recluse who only thought about the salvation of his own soul. As I began to share my individual visions with other people-visions I had in trances that resulted from prayer- I couldn't stay hidden away any longer. And the spot where I ended up was so high it made me dizzy, a place where I also felt I was forced into a dead end.