Malcolm Bradbury - Doctor Criminale

Gerstenbacker’s face visibly fell. ‘I am sorry, it is really true,’ he said, ‘Even if Codicil did let me help you, I know nothing about Bazlo Criminale.’ I knew I had better press home my advantage. ‘You’re the great professor’s assistant,’ I said. ‘Only his assistant,’ he said. ‘But you work closely with him,’ I said. ‘Well, a bit,’ he said. ‘So what does an assistant actually do?’ I asked. ‘Well, I examine Professor Codicil’s students and mark their papers,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘When he is not there, I teach his classes.’ ‘How often is that?’ I asked. ‘Quite often, because he is not there quite often,’ he said, ‘Naturally an important professor must travel abroad in many places. Sometimes I give his lectures, sometimes I write his books . . .’ I stared at him in amazement. ‘You write his books’ ?’ I said, surprised. Gerstenbacker stared back owlishly through his L. spectacles, clearly surprised by my surprise. ‘Professor Codicil is a very busy man,’ he explained, ‘He has to advise ministers, travel to many foreign congresses, sit on many very important committees. He does not have so very much time to write his books.’

In the background, the peasant band was reaching a point of over-stimulation. Its members were hitting logs with axes; next they turned to slapping themselves and then each other, in a form of syncopated grievous bodily harm. ‘Oh, listen, this is very typical,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘Not all our music is Mozart and Strauss.’ ‘So I see,’ I said, getting excited myself, ‘So what you’re telling me is that you write the books, and Codicil signs them?’ ‘Only if he agrees with them,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘If not I would have to begin all over again. Sometimes I review them for the newspapers also.’ ‘Isn’t it rather an odd system?’ I asked, ‘You do all the work and he takes all the credit?’ ‘Oh no,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘Because one day I will myself receive a call and become an important professor. Then I will have many assistants, and they will write my books for me.’ ‘It all works out in the end,’ I said. ‘Of course,’ he said, looking round for the waitress, ‘Now I remember another very good wine you must try . . .’ ‘No, just a minute,’ I said, ‘One more very important question. Did you happen to write the book on Bazlo Criminale?’

‘Did I?’ asked Gerstenbacker, surprised, ‘No, of course not. As-I told, I know nothing of Criminale. The book of his I write is on British . . .’ ‘Empirical Philosophy and the English Country House,’ I said, ‘I know. So who did write the book on Criminale?’ ‘I don’t imagine,’ he said. ‘Well, guess,’ I said, ‘Was it Codicil himself?’ ‘Oh, no, I don’t think so,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘I don’t think Codicil ever wrote any of his books.’ ‘Another assistant?’ I asked, ‘Does he have a lot of assistants?’ ‘Quite a few,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘But that book was five years ago. Five years ago I was still in Graz.’ And probably, I thought, still in short trousers; young Gerstenbacker, his formal clothes now looking more like a fancy dress costume at a bad party, was growing younger before my eyes by the minute. ‘But this could explain everything,’ I said. ‘Codicil’s book isn’t by Codicil at all. That’s why he’s not giving me his help with the Criminale project. He doesn’t want me to find out.’

Gerstenbacker looked puzzled. ‘Find out what? The book is his. It has his name on it. Also it was written by his assistant to his instructions, in his office with his files, using only his approach and his methods, and following his advice and corrections. This is not why he will not help you.’ ‘Why won’t he help me, then?’ I asked. ‘He will not help you because you are too young and too English, and he thinks you cannot possibly understand such a man as Bazlo Criminale. Beside he does not believe in the light of publicity. Also many bad things are said about Austria these days. We have attacks on our President for his past, and so on.’ ‘Yes, I see,’ I said, ‘I can’t possibly understand why the Blue Danube is blue.’ Gerstenbacker looked at me, smiled, and nodded. ‘You cannot understand how it was here, because you were not here. Your country has been lucky, your lives have been simple, you have not suffered from our history, lived with our politics and philosophies. Codicil cannot even understand why the British should be interested in such a man as Criminale. He is not at all in your tradition of do I mean what I say when I say what I mean.’

‘Well, you could say the British are learning to be more European,’ I said. ‘No,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘You are building a Channel Tube but I do not think you will ever understand the Europe on the other end of it. Here we have been through everything. We understand how it is, and remember how it was.’ ‘So I see,’ I said. ‘We have a respect for those for whom life has been difficult. Those who are older than us have lived in terrible times. Perhaps you do not know what it is like to be in a world where history changes all the time, where to have an idea or a side is one day right and the next day wrong, where every choice, every thought, is a gamble that maybe you win or maybe lose, where what is patriotic now is treachery then.’ ‘Perhaps I can’t,’ I said, ‘But you can?’ ‘Of course,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘In my country we have led many lives. We have been Austrian, German, Russian, American, French and British. People have had to learn how to live in many different ways. Do you know what a strange place Vienna was in 1947?’ ‘1947,’ I said, ‘That was the time when Criminale came here from Eastern Europe.’

Gerstenbacker stared at me. ‘But he did not come here from Eastern Europe,’ he said. ‘I thought he did,’ I said, ‘You said so.’ ‘No, he did not, because Vienna itself was part of Eastern Europe, don’t you remember?’ ‘No, I don’t, I wasn’t even born,’ I said. ‘If you were here you would remember,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘He could come here easily because it was still in the East.’ ‘But it was also the border with the West,’ I said. ‘Yes,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘For example, in the first district, where is the university, the occupation changed every month. When it was the Russian turn, many people moved into hotels in the other zones. You know the Russians, how they liked to pick people up.’ ‘So you could move from zone to zone,’ I asked. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘You could go in the front door of a building and still be in Russia. But if you had a key to the back door you could walk out and now be in America.’ ‘So perhaps Criminale found the key to the back door,’ I said, ‘In fact he could have been on both sides.’ ‘Many people were on both the sides,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘As I told you, In Vienna we learned from experience it is wise to live in many different ways. Now you see why perhaps we are not so pleased with your questions. We have learned how to remember but also how to forget.’

‘And what about Professor Codicil? Does he also know what to remember and what to forget?’ Gerstenbacker peered at me owlishly through his spectacles. ‘Yes, of course,’ he said, ‘Professor Codicil also had some sympathies of a different kind he likes to be forgotten. I think he understands these difficulties very well.’ ‘Good God,’ I said, ‘Codicil too.’ ‘He lived in the Hitler time,’ said Gerstenbacker. ‘I see,’ I said, ‘So forgetfulness becomes a habit. There are certain things that are just better not found out.’ ‘Ah, do you think so?’ asked Gerstenbacker, staring at me in what looked like relief. ‘No, I don’t actually think so, but I see I do come from an innocent country,’ I said, ‘Do you think so?’ ‘Well, Professor Codicil thinks so,’ said Gerstenbacker, ‘And naturally I am his assistant.’ ‘Using his approach and his methods,’ I said. ‘Yes, exactly,’ said Gerstenbacker. ‘But what do you actually think yourself?’ I asked. ‘What do I think?’ asked Gerstenbacker, looking at me in surprise, ‘Well, I think . . . I think you must be very tired. Also these peasants are getting far too noisy, don’t you say?’ ‘Oh, come on, Gerstenbacker,’ I said, ‘We’re the ones who should be asking questions. Or we’ll never be free of those problems.’ ‘Excuse me,’ said Gerstenbacker I will pay the check and call a taxi to take you back to your hotel. Then in the morning I will come and show you some more Vienna. You have not even seen the palace of Schönbrunn.’