Sophie Kinsella - Remember Me?

“Sweetie.” Rosalie’s eyes are wide. “You live in heels. You were wearing these last time we had lunch.” She pulls out a pair of black pumps with four-inch stiletto heels. The kind I’d never even look at in a shop.

The soles are scuffed. The inside label has been rubbed away. Someone’s been wearing these.

Me?

“Put them on!” says Rosalie.

Cautiously I slip off my loafers and step into the pointy heels. Almost at once I topple over and grab Rosalie. “You see? I can’t balance.”

“Lexi, you can walk in these,” Rosalie says firmly. “I’ve seen you do it.”

“I can’t.” I make to take them off, but Rosalie grabs my arm.

“No! Don’t give up, sweetie. It’s in you, I know it is! You have to…unlock it!”

I try another step, but my ankle bends like plasticine. “It’s no good.” I exhale in frustration. “I wasn’t meant to do this.”

“Yes, you were. Try again! Find the zone!” Rosalie sounds like she’s coaching me for the Olympics. “You can do it, Lexi.”

I totter to the other side of the room and cling to the curtain. “I’ll never crack this,” I say despairingly.

“Of course you will. Just don’t think about it. Distract yourself. I know! We’ll sing a song! ‘Land of hope and gloreeee…’ Come on, Lexi, sing!”

Reluctantly I join in. I really hope Eric doesn’t have a CCTV camera trained on us at this moment.

“Now walk!” Rosalie gives me a little push. “Go!”

“‘Land of hope and gloreeee…’” Trying to keep my mind focused on the song, I take a step forward. Then another. Then another.

Oh my God. I’m doing it. I’m walking in high heels!

“You see?” Rosalie crows in triumph. “I told you! You are a heels girl.”

I get to the other side of the room, swivel around confidently, and walk back, an elated grin on my face. I feel like a model!

“I can do it! It’s easy!”

“Yay!” Rosalie lifts her hand and gives me a high-five. She opens a drawer, scoops up some gym clothes, and pops them into an oversize tote. “Come on, let’s go.”

We drive to the gym in Rosalie’s car. It’s a sumptuous Range Rover with the license plate ROS 1. Designer shopping bags are strewn all over the backseat.

“So, what do you do?” I say as she winds her way between two lanes of traffic.

“I do a lot of volunteer work.” She nods earnestly.

“Wow.” I feel a bit shamefaced. Rosalie didn’t strike me as the volunteer-work type, which just shows how prejudiced I am. “What kind?”

“Event planning, mainly.”

“For a particular charity?”

“No, mostly for friends. You know, if they need a helping hand with the flowers or party favors or whatever…” Rosalie’s smiling winsomely up at a truck driver. “Please let me in, Mr. Lorry-driver…Thank you!” She pulls over into the next lane and blows him a kiss.

“I do the odd bits for the company, too,” she adds. “Eric’s such a sweetie, he always gets me involved in launches, that kind of thing. Oh shit, road works!” She swerves, to a cacophony of angry hooting, and turns the radio up higher.

“So you like Eric?” I try to sound casual, although I’m dying to hear what she thinks of him.

“Oh, he’s the perfect husband. Absolutely perfect.” She draws up at a crosswalk. “Mine’s a monster.”

“Really?” I stare at her.

“Mind you, I’m a monster too.” She turns to face me, her blue eyes deadly serious. “We’re so volatile. It’s a total love-hate relationship. Here we are!” She zooms off again and drives into a tiny car park, pulls up next to a Porsche, and turns off the engine.

“Now, don’t worry,” she says as she ushers me toward the glass double doors. “I know this will be really hard for you, so I’ll do all the talking… Hi there!” She pushes her way into a smart reception area furnished with tan leather seating and a pebbled fountain.

“Hi, ladies.” The receptionist’s face falls as she sees me. “Lexi! You poor thing! We heard about the accident. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, thanks.” I venture a smile. “Thanks very much for the flowers.”

“Poor Lexi has amnesia,” says Rosalie impressively. “She doesn’t remember this place. She doesn’t remember anything.” She casts around as though for a way to illustrate. “Like, she doesn’t remember this door…or…or this plant…” She gestures to a large frondy fern.

“Goodness!”

“I know.” Rosalie is nodding solemnly. “It’s a nightmare for her.” She turns to me. “Is this bringing back any memories, Lexi?”

“Er…not really.”

Everyone in the reception area is staring at me, agog. I feel like a member of the Amnesia Freak Circus.

“Come on!” Rosalie firmly takes hold of my arm. “We’ll get changed. You might remember once you’re in your exercise clothes.”

The changing rooms are the most palatial ones I’ve ever seen, all smooth wood and mosaic showers and gentle music playing over the speakers. I disappear into a cubicle and pull on a pair of leggings. Then I pull on the leotard bit.

It’s got a thong, I realize to my horror. My bum will look massive. I can’t wear this.

But I don’t have anything else. Reluctantly I pull it on, then edge out of the cubicle, hands over my eyes. This could be really, really gross. I count to five, then force myself to take a peek.

Actually…I don’t look too bad. I remove my hands completely and stare at myself. I look all long and lean and…different. Experimentally I flex my arm-and a biceps muscle I’ve never seen before pops up. I stare at it in astonishment.

“So!” Rosalie bustles up to me, dressed in leggings and a crop top. “This way…” She ushers me into a large, airy exercise studio, where rows of well-groomed women are already in position on yoga mats.

“Sorry we’re late,” she says momentously, looking around the room. “But Lexi has got amnesia. She doesn’t remember anything. About any of you.”

I get the feeling Rosalie is enjoying this.

“Hi.” I do a shy wave around the room.

“I heard about your accident, Lexi.” The exercise teacher is coming over wearing a sympathetic smile. She’s a slim woman with cropped blond hair and a headset. “Please take it easy today. Sit out whenever you like. We’re starting with some mat work…”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“We’re trying to trigger her memory,” Rosalie chimes in. “So everyone just act normal.”

As all the others raise their arms, I nervously take a mat and sit down. Gym has never exactly been my strong point. I guess I’ll just follow as best I can. I stretch my legs out in front of me and reach for my toes, although there’s no way I’ll ever be able to-

Bloody hell. I can touch my toes. In fact, I can put my head right down on my knees. What’s happened to me?

In disbelief I follow the next maneuver-and I can do that one too! I’m bendy! My body is moving into each position as if it can remember everything perfectly, even if I can’t.

“And now, for those that are up to it,” the teacher is saying, “the advanced dancer position…”

Cautiously I start tugging on my ankle-and it obeys me! I’m pulling my leg right above my head! I feel like yelling “Look at me, everyone!”

“Don’t overdo it, Lexi.” The teacher looks alarmed. “Maybe take it easy now. I’d leave out splits this week.”

No way. I can do splits?

Afterward in the changing room I’m exhilarated. I sit in front of the mirror, drying my hair, watching as it turns from damp mouse back to shiny glowing chestnut. “I can’t get over it,” I keep saying to Rosalie. “I was always so crap at exercise!”