Anchee Min - Becoming Madame Mao

I refuse.

He starts walking.

I hesitate, then my feet follow him.

The riverbank path leads them into deep reeds. After a half mile she suddenly pivots, says that she can't go on, that she has to leave. Like a lion to a deer he catches her and picks her up from the ground. She struggles to free herself. He becomes intense. His hands tear at her uniform.

You can't do that! She pushes him. Not anymore!

But she opens herself. Leans over him, lies in his arms. She spreads her legs, weeps and melts in his heat. He caresses her, murmurs, groans and wails madly. She lets her body tell him how much she misses him.

Everyone expects me to be a stone Buddha without desire or feelings, he gasps on top of her. My comrades would like me better if I were a eunuch. But I am a tiger who can't be a vegetarian!

1938. Mao is finally acknowledged by Moscow. In September the Communist Party opens its sixth convention with Mao as the chairman. The Russian advisor shows up and announces the abandonment of Stalin's old friend Wang Ming, Mao's rival and the head of the Party's right-wing group. The advisor pronounces Mao Moscow's new partner.

The news hits my friend Kang Sheng as a surprise-he has been a loyal follower of Wang Ming. They were classmates in Russia. After coming to Yenan Kang Sheng has tried hard to gain Mao's trust, but people haven't forgotten his past. On September 14, in an extended meeting investigating Wang Ming, Kang Sheng's name is repeatedly brought up as Wang's partner in several political crimes. The Politburo is set to have Kang Sheng removed.

The goat-beard man sits in the meeting as if sitting on a carpet of needles.

It is at this moment that Kang Sheng receives a crucial piece of information that turns the danger into a blessing. A telegram from Shanghai is sent by the Party's branch officer Liu Xiao. It is a report of an investigation ordered on Lan Ping during her imprisonment in October 1934. The report states that Lan Ping had denounced Communism and is thus a traitor.

Although she has not caused any harm to the Party, the behavior is serious enough to destroy her chance to marry Mao.

During the contemplation of this telegram, Kang Sheng sees his own future dawning.

Evening dissolves. The cave is filled with smoke. Kang Sheng has been smoking. Lan Ping sits by his desk reading the telegram. Her face is pale.

This is a conspiracy, a setup, she cries. Where is their proof? It's jealousy. They are jealous of my relationship with the Chairman! She gets up but suddenly feels short of breath and she falls heavily back into the chair.

I am not here to discuss whether or not they have proof. I am sure they have. Kang Sheng speaks slowly and looks directly at Lan Ping. The problem is what will happen when the Politburo sees this. You will be suspended-it doesn't matter what the truth is. You will be interrogated and expelled, if lucky, from the Party. If not, shot. The Chairman will be in no position to defend you, neither will I. You know my job. The procedure. You are too big a target.

The sweat begins to seep through the roots of her hair. She wants to argue but her mind has gone blank. She stares at the ceiling and feels her senses paralyzing.

Master Kang, she calls him as if he were still the principal of Zhu-Town Elementary. I love the Chairman more than anything. I beg your help.

Kang Sheng doesn't respond for a long time, then he sighs, expresses his difficulty, describes how he has been attacked at the meetings because of Wang Ming. Only Mao can prove my innocence, he hints.

She grabs the deal. Taking out her handkerchief she wipes her tears. I'll see what I can do about this. I'll talk to the Chairman for you.

She keeps wiping. Her face, neck, shoulders, arms, hands and fingers. And then all over again. I'll say that the boss was Wang Ming. You did what he had ordered, didn't you? It was he who tried to kick Mao out of power. You can produce evidence, can't you? Should I say that you in fact had tried to protect the Chairman? Would it be exaggerating to say that you have suffered a great deal of Wang Ming's resentment?…I am sure I can get a word from the Chairman for you.

Kang Sheng is satisfied. Color returns to his face. Comrade Lan Ping, I promise that I won't let this telegram travel an inch farther.

Peace comes out of war, my lover teaches me. Life is paid for by death. There is no middle ground. There are times when we have to make decisions. Doubt is the substitute word for danger. It is better to clear the way than call out a question when unsure who is approaching. You have a lot to learn from Comrade Kang Sheng.

I am learning. He can appear kind, delicate and even vulnerable, but behind the mask it is the face of death. The truth of a bloodsucker. That's how he earns the position as Mao's chief of security. Mao appreciates his quality and style. Mao says that he and Kang Sheng are in the business of goodness. I sense a peculiar side of my lover's nature. It is his ability to deal with suffering. It is what makes Mao. I am learning. The killers with Confucius's appearances. I am learning. The way one wins China.

These are the two brilliant men in my life. Two men who created who I am and I them.

The pressure from the Politburo continues. The lovers have gone underground. She has stopped going to the Saturday night high-ranking officials' parties. Dancing as a form of exercise and socializing is the new game in town. The wives are pleased with the disappearance of the actress.

But beyond the public eye and at prearranged times, driven by passion, the actress delivers herself to Mao. She lays herself in his bed on stormy nights and chilly dawns. Afterwards, he asks her to sing from their favorite opera, Vermilion Pearl Plant. When she does he becomes lustful again.

Like a high-born maiden

In a palace tower

Soothing her love-laden

Like a glowworm golden

In a dell of dew

Scattering unbeholden

Its aerial hue

Soul in secret hour

With wine sweet as love

Which overflows her bower

Before long Mao brings news to the Politburo: Comrade Lan Ping is pregnant. He demands a divorce and a marriage.

Mao's partners shake their heads in unison. You have promised the Party!

Yes, I have. But things change, like the situation of the war. If you can change yourselves to unite with Chiang Kai-shek, why can't you accept my situation with women?…Well, you have pushed me to the limit. Comrade Lan Ping will have no choice but to walk around with her fattening belly to ring her bells. Everyone will know that as Chairman I am imprisoned by my own Party. And that will make all our propaganda a lie. It will be a free advertisement for Chiang Kai-shek-the Communists have no respect for humanity. Chiang Kai-shek will be laughing so hard that his fake teeth will fall out.

Mao goes on. I'm prepared to tell people the truth myself. I am sure they will judge with their own conscience, they will figure out how this Party flatters itself with the emperor's new clothes. They will question. Does anybody care about Mao Tse-tung's personal welfare? Hasn't he worked hard enough? Is he the Party's slave? People will draw their own conclusion and choose whom to follow. By then it will be too late for you to come to your senses-I'll be gone. I will create a new Red Army, a new base where men and women will be free to marry for love, where my children can bear my name, and where the word "liberation" is not a wooden bird!

No one underestimates Mao's capability. All the members of the Politburo clearly remember that it was Mao who saved the Red Army from Chiang Kai-shek's deadly encirclement; it was Mao who turned the devastating exile of the Long March into a journey of victory. After a week of deadlock the men decide to negotiate. The ship can't sail without a helmsman.