Ben Marcus - Leaving the Sea - Stories

“Boom!” someone yelled from the crowd, to an eruption of laughter.

“Boom is right,” replied Frederick. “But it’s not funny.”

The laughter stopped.

“We would have lost people. A certainty. I would have faced a decision, a certainty, even as some of you drove up in your cars. Some of you wouldn’t have made it. You’d have watched us leave and, believe me, you would not have been permitted to follow. I won’t spell that out. You’d be alone now and it would be getting colder. You’d wonder how much gas remained. You’d wonder about the power grid, the water supply, the food supply. You’d determine, correctly, that you know nothing about these things. Nothing. You’d need a leader. Or would you? Maybe you could decide things as a group. You’d start to quarrel. You’d divide. It would get colder. This is supposed to be the easy leg. We didn’t even do the highway drill tonight. Do you know how much time we’ll lose on the highway?”

“Too much!” the crowd yelled.

“That’s right. The highway is an ugly variable. There’s a reason we have not shared the details with you. The highway. We cannot find a way to speak of it that is not disturbing. Whereas this”—Frederick gestured into the gymnasium—“this you can control, down to the second. Which means I’d like to see us shave off that half hour. Maybe forty-five minutes. We need breathing room. We need to join our settlements without panic, with time to kill. Next time we do this I want time to kill. Tonight we had no time to kill. And you know what?”

Someone from far in the back of the gym shouted, “What?”

“I’m disappointed,” Frederick said. He shut his eyes. The gymnasium seemed to groan.

“But do you know what else?” Frederick asked, staring from his expressionless face.

No one responded.

“I’m proud as hell of you. Every single one of you.”

Except me, thought Edward. He was pretty sure that Frederick wouldn’t be proud of him.

They broke out in groups for the critique and Edward sat in a circle with his settlement. His parents, because they weren’t meant to be part of tonight’s drill, were dismissed. Since they had no way to get home, they were probably waiting for him outside.

The group leader for Edward’s settlement was Sharon, and she led them through the discussion. Everything was not well. Edward, she pointed out, had not registered, even though he was here in the gym. Explain that. Did he have trouble finding them? Was something wrong with Edward? Was he perhaps injured or confused? A check at the medical tent and then personal observation had confirmed that Edward was fine. Edward didn’t register with his settlement because he’d brought outsiders with him, and these outsiders had turned out to be a serious liability.

“It’s as though we’ve never discussed anything. It’s as though this workshop never happened,” said Sharon. “We fought the interests of the group. In real life this might have turned unthinkable.”

“I hardly think…” Edward started.

“Hold up, Eddie,” warned Thom. “You don’t talk during your critique.”

“What’s a possible consequence for Edward?” said Marni.

Geoff jumped in. “I think we should do something humiliating to his parents. That’s much more disturbing, because he’d have to see them get hurt. I think that’s a good punishment. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime; it is the crime. I mean, I don’t want his parents to be seriously harmed, necessarily, but there’s nothing worse than watching your parents, who are defenseless, get hurt in some way.”

Everyone laughed. Everyone except Sharon, who glared at Edward.

“Okay, guys, I get it,” said Edward. “If there’s ever a real crisis, I’ll be sure only to look out for myself. Don’t worry, I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Unfortunately, Edward, this is not about you learning a lesson,” said Sharon. “I’m glad your colleagues think it’s funny, but this is about deterring others from suddenly deciding they can bring friends with them on an evacuation.”

“My parents aren’t my friends, ” he said. “They’re my parents . I thought they’d gotten a call, too. I didn’t realize some people didn’t get called. Who here with parents still alive wouldn’t have done the same thing?”

Some hands went up.

“Yes, Liz?” said Sharon.

“Me,” said Liz, putting her arm down. “My parents are at home right now. It would never have occurred to me to bring them along.”

It wouldn’t have even occurred to her, Edward thought? How do you get to that place? He didn’t even like his parents, but he brought them along. Was that kind of thinking out of date? Had everyone evolved?

A few people echoed this. They’d left their parents behind.

Good for you, Edward thought. This could easily have been the real thing. Wasn’t that the point, that you never knew? You murderous fucks.

“Does anyone think it’s strange,” Edward ventured, “that our parents weren’t called tonight?”

“Honestly, Edward,” said Thom. “This is the second time you’ve spoken during your critique. We shouldn’t have to warn you about this. You can’t learn from what happened tonight unless you’re completely silent now.”

“I thought that what I learn doesn’t matter,” Edward snapped. “Isn’t this about you learning not to be like me?”

“No chance of that,” said a young woman on the opposite side of the circle, who stared at Edward so defiantly that he looked away.

On Edward’s way out, Frederick broke from a mob of admirers and grabbed his arm.

“Edward, a word.”

He’d never stood so close to Frederick, never had a private audience with him. As much as he disliked him, he couldn’t deny how compelling Frederick was. Impossibly handsome, confident, with the figure of a small gymnast. This was a person for the future.

“What you did tonight was arguably brave. You demonstrated a priority for love and loyalty. You protected two fragile people who had no other savior, even though technically they were not in danger and would have been much safer at home. Technically, we may have decided that they were a danger to you, and yet you went to them anyway, endangering everyone else. You made a choice, and on the individual level, that choice was courageous and selfless, even if at the level of the group you risked our entire operation. If those had been my parents, may they rest in peace, and I didn’t have my years of training, and I also didn’t have sophisticated instincts and survival habits, it’s possible I would have done the exact same thing. In other words, if I were you, and knew next to nothing about how to keep people alive today, tomorrow, and the next day, I might have brought my parents here tonight as well. It is completely possible. It’s precisely because I can relate, however abstractly, to what you did that you won’t see any lenience from me. Not a trace. On the contrary, you will meet great resistance from me, and if you do anything like that again, I promise I will hurt you. But I want you to know, face-to-face, how much I admire you.”

When he got outside, his mother was asleep in the car, his father leaning on the door.

“I bet you’re expecting an apology from me,” said his father.

Edward was tired. He said that he wasn’t, that he only wanted to get home. He had a big day tomorrow.

“Because I didn’t do anything wrong,” his father continued.

“I know that, Dad.”

“It doesn’t really seem like you know it.”

“I do. I would like to go home now, that’s all.”

“Okay, go. You’re the one who screwed up, anyway. We don’t need your help. You should be ashamed of yourself. Go straight home. Your mother and I will walk.”