Gao Xingjian - Soul Mountain

She wants you to read her palm. She has small, soft hands, very delicate, and very feminine. You open her palm and place it in your hand. You say she has an easygoing nature, that she is a very gentle person. She nods, agreeing.

You say this is a passionate palm and at this she smiles sweetly.

But this easygoing nature is superficial for within her heart is a raging fire, a burning anxiety. At this she frowns.

Her burning anxiety lies in her longing for love and the difficulty of finding a person to whom she can entrust herself, body and soul. She is too fussy and hard to please, you are saying what is in her palm. She pouts and makes a face.

She has loved more than once…

How many times? She asks you to guess.

You say she began when she was small.

At what age? she asks.

You say she’s a romantic and that from a very young age she longed for love. She laughs.

You warn her that in life there is not a prince on a white charger and that she will be disappointed time and again. She avoids your eyes.

You say time and again she has been deceived and that time and again she will deceive others… She tells you to go on with the reading.

You say the lines of her palm are complicated and that she is invariably involved with quite a few people at the same time.

Wrong, she says.

You interrupt her protest and say while involved with one person she is thinking of another, that she has a new lover before breaking off with the previous one.

You’re exaggerating, she says.

You say sometimes it’s conscious and at other times not. You are not saying this is not good, you are simply saying this is in the lines of her palm. Is there something you shouldn’t talk about? You look into her eyes.

She hesitates then resolutely says you can talk about anything.

You say she is destined not to be devoted in her love. You feel the bones of her hand and say that you don’t just examine the lines of the palm but also the bone structure. You say that any man can lead her away just by holding this small soft hand.

Try leading me! She pulls back her hand but you hold on and won’t let go.

She is destined to suffer, you are talking about what is in her hand.

Why?

You will have to ask yourself this.

She says she only wants to single-heartedly love one person.

You acknowledge that this is what she wants but the problem is it’s impossible.

Why?

You say she must ask her own hand, the hand belongs to her, you can’t answer for her.

You’re really cunning, she says.

You say it isn’t you who is cunning, it’s this hand of hers which is too delicate, too soft, too unfathomable.

She sighs and asks you to go on with the reading.

You say if you go on she’ll get cross.

She won’t.

You say she is already angry.

She insists she isn’t.

You say she doesn’t know what to love.

She doesn’t understand, she says she doesn’t understand what you’re saying.

You ask her to think about it.

She says she has but she still doesn’t understand.

This means she doesn’t know what to love.

To love someone, someone really special!

What do you mean by really special?

Someone who can make her fall in love so that she can give her heart to him and follow him anywhere, even to the end of the world.

You say this is momentary romantic excitement…

What she wants is excitement!

After calming down it’s impossible.

She says it is possible.

But after calming down there will be other concerns.

She says if she falls in love there will be no calming down.

That means she has never been in love. You stare into her eyes, she looks away and says she really doesn’t know.

She doesn’t know whether she has been in love because she loves herself too much.

Don’t be so wicked, she cautions you.

You say it’s because she is too beautiful and is always concerned about what impression she gives.

Keep talking!

She’s annoyed. You say her not knowing is instinctive.

What do you mean? She frowns.

What you are saying is simply that this instinct is particularly obvious in her case, this is because she is too lovely and so many people love her. This is her misfortune.

She shakes her head and says you’re incorrigible.

You say it was she who wanted her hand read and furthermore wanted you to be frank.

But you’re a bit excessive, she quietly protests.

The truth can’t be quite as you’d like it or all sound good, it’s bound to be a bit bleak, otherwise how can one confront one’s fate? You ask if she wants you to go on with the reading.

Hurry up and finish.

You say she must spread her fingers and you separate them, saying you must see if it is she who controls her fate or fate which controls her.

Then who do you think is in control?

You get her to clench her fists tight, grab them and pull up her arms then yell out for everyone to look!

They all start laughing and she pulls herself free.

You say what bad luck, you’re referring to yourself and not her. At this she too bursts out laughing.

You ask if anyone else wants a reading. The women are all silent. Then a hand with long fingers stretches out and a timid voice says, look at me.

You say you only read hands, not faces.

I’m asking you to look at my fate! she corrects you.

This is a hand with strength, you say feeling it.

Don’t talk about anything else, just tell me if I will have a career.

You say you are saying that this hand shows a strong character.

Just tell me whether or not I’ll be successful in my career.

You can only say she will have a career but having a career is not necessarily the the same as being successful.

Without being successful how can it count as a career? she retorts.

A career can be something to support oneself.

What are you implying?

I’m saying there’s a lack of ambition.

She sighs and her fingers go slack. There is a lack of ambition, she admits.

You say she is strong but she lacks ambition and doesn’t want to control others.

That’s how it is, she bites her lip.

Often career and ambition are inseparable. To say a man has ambition is to say he has a career. Ambition is the basis of a career, with ambition one invariably wants to be outstanding.

Yes, she says, she doesn’t want to be outstanding.

You say she wants only to affirm herself, she isn’t pretty but she is kind hearted. Success in a career always requires struggle but because she is too kind hearted she can’t beat her opponents and so naturally she will never succeed in the sense of being outstanding.

She quietly says she knows this.

Having a career but not necessarily being a success can be lucky, you say.

But she says it can’t count as good fortune.

Not being a success in one’s career is not the same as being unlucky, you reiterate.

What sort of good fortune are you talking about?

Emotional.

She sighs softly.

You say someone secretly loves her but she doesn’t take him seriously, she hasn’t even noticed him.

Then who is it?

You let go of her hand and say she’ll have to think about it.

Her eyes open wide and everyone listening intently bursts out laughing, she is embarrassed but puts down her head and also starts laughing.

This is a happy night, the women surround you and all put out their hands clamouring for a reading. You say you aren’t a fortune-teller, that you’re just a shaman.

A shaman, that’s too scary! the women all call out.

Not me, I like shamans, I just love shamans! A woman puts her arms around you and sticks out a plump hand. Have a look for me, will I have money? Pushing away the other hands, she says, I don’t care about love and a career, I just want a husband, a wealthy husband.