A. Yehoshua - A Late Divorce

She didn’t want it though she wanted to cry she spat it out so I put it back in she shook her head and tried throwing it away so I grabbed her head gently and stuck it in her mouth and held it there until she got used to it like mom does she froze for a minute and looked at me wondering what to do next she really did begin to suck too she sucked more and more as though she had no choice but then she got tired and threw it down as soon as I took my hand away she started to cry again she wouldn’t take it anymore she fought it all red with anger. There there I said stop that crying but she just cried even harder. So I left the room and shut the door behind me and let her cry I looked at my watch to make sure that she didn’t do it too long dad once explained to mom that when you think the baby’s been crying forever it’s only five minutes if you can bear to let her cry for five minutes more she’ll stop by herself. I turned on the radio and went to the kitchen I shut the door to keep from hearing but just then the telephone rang it was Uncle Tsvi from Tel Aviv he’s not so serious like Asi he chats with me and asks me things he asked me now too how I felt and what happened in school and what were my plans for the vacation and I answered everything because I know he really cares it’s a fact that he remembers even long after meanwhile I kept hearing the baby’s screams who’s screaming there he finally asked it’s little Rakefet I said. Is your mom with her? No mom isn’t home I’m all alone with grandpa. He thought it over all right he said let me talk to the old man he’s sleeping I said all right then he said don’t wake him go take care of Rakefet it breaks my heart even in Tel Aviv to hear her crying in Haifa you’re a terrific kid he said he’d call back at night.

I went to the baby she was red screaming in her cage her blanket thrown off waving her hands in the air you’d think she was being murdered I tried talking to her but she wouldn’t even look at me I brought her a bottle of water she punched it so hard that it fell on the floor so I stood on a chair and turned her on her tummy she quieted down for a second then she began to groan and tried crawling forward as if she were going somewhere. I thought at least that will tire her out but she started choking on the sheet so I turned her back on her back she was really sobbing now I was so mad at mom for leaving me with her without permission even to lift her so I went and slowly opened the door of the room where grandpa was sleeping maybe he’d hear and come help.

He didn’t move though he didn’t hear a thing he lay like a pile of rags by the wall covered by a white blanket with only his skinny feet sticking out. Grandpa I whispered to this man I didn’t know I almost cried but he was in an awfully deep sleep.

The baby kept crying she didn’t mean to stop at all. I brought her a cracker she didn’t want it I crumbled it and sifted it into her open mouth she didn’t even know it was there she didn’t look at me she just screamed and bawled at the ceiling with her arms in the air. I tried pulling down the bars of her crib but I couldn’t I never did get the hang of it. So I ate the cracker I took off my shoes I stood on the chair and climbed over the bars into the crib that once was mine. What is it Rakefet? There there that’s enough but she was screaming too hard to hear me so I picked her up carefully so as not to crush her head in the place mom warns dad about because there’s an opening there where her brains are going to grow. She cried a little less and then she stopped. I sat in the crib feeling the rubber sheet under me with the baby on my knees I raised her head a bit and gave her the pacifier she sucked it and gave me a worried look like I was the problem not her the tears stopped all at once mom once explained to me that crying is talking for babies that’s their language just then she shut her eyes and turned red again at first I didn’t realize then I smelled what she was doing. She kept straining harder and harder her forehead all creased like an old lady’s. So I slid my knees out from under her and eased her back into the crib she was happy now she put her fist in her mouth to eat I climbed back over the bars and left the room. It was quiet for maybe five minutes she even sang and talked out loud until I heard a little sob she was calling me again so I closed the door maybe she’d wear herself out and go to sleep mom said that she’d been up all morning. I went to mom and dad’s room to look for the silkworm I found it crawling in the dark beneath the bed I picked it up and put it in the helicopter to fly it back to earth. The telephone rang it was Grandma Rachel our other grandma never calls because she’s sick.

Gaddi darling she said do you know who this is. Yes I said. So she said this is grandma on the phone so I said yes. So she said it’s been ages since I’ve seen you Gaddi why don’t you come to visit me don’t you know it’s hard for grandma to come to you because of those stairs. So I said yes. So she said why don’t you ask your father and mother to bring you to me you have vacation now don’t you want to spend some time with me so I said yes. So she said your grandpa came last night from America aren’t you glad that your grandpa is here so I said yes. What did he bring you will you tell grandma so I said yes. It must be a new toy or something to wear will you show me so I said yes. Now darling tell me how Rakefet is. She’s fine I said. You love her don’t you do you help your mother with her so I said yes. I really hope you love her now please put your mother on the phone. So I said mom wasn’t home. So she asked for grandpa to say hello to him so I said that he was asleep. Sleeping now? Yes I said it’s nighttime for him now. What do you mean nighttime? So I told her about the earth and the sun and the differences in time. I don’t think she believed me all she said was you’re just like your father you have an answer for everything. The silkworm had escaped from the helicopter again and was crossing the room fast so I whispered just a minute grandma it was already under the closet I couldn’t find it so I shut the door tight because the baby was crying in that awful way again and I went back to the telephone. Where were you grandma asked I didn’t want to tell her about the worm because she wouldn’t understand it would disgust her so I said I thought Rakefet was crying but she isn’t. I always lie to her the lies come all by themselves it’s like she wants to be lied to.

“Rakefet’s there? Your mother didn’t take her with her?”

“No, she’s asleep.”

“And you’re all alone with her. They left you all alone with her.”

“What’s wrong with that? Grandpa’s here too.”

“But he’s sleeping.”

“He’ll get up if I ask him to.”

“Gaddi, darling, be careful. Where is she?”

“In her crib.”

“Whatever you do don’t lift her. You might drop her.”

“I won’t.”

“And when your father and mother come home tell them that I just called to say hello and that they shouldn’t leave you alone with the baby.”

“I will.”

“And be sure you don’t lift her. You might drop her and paralyze her for life. You wouldn’t want a paralyzed sister, would you?”

“No.”

“So be careful, darling. Isn’t that her crying now?”

I covered the receiver with my hand to keep her from hearing the awful screams.

“No.”

I waited for her to say something else but she didn’t so slowly I hung up.

The baby really was crying again not just crying but one long loud wail. I didn’t know what to do I went back to her with a pacifier and the bottle and the ring of keys but she just pushed them away so I left the room and turned on the TV to drown her out I watched an English lesson but Rakefet was louder than it she even started calling my name Di Di Di her troubles were making her smarter. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went back to her she was purple tears ran down her face she stank from what she had done. I really felt sorry for her. And so then I made up my mind. I went to the clothes closet and found an old raincoat of mine and put it on I put on a woolen hat and dad’s leather gloves and tied a kerchief of mom’s over my mouth. Then I went to the kitchen and took the sugar tongs and pushed the chair against the crib again but this time I kept on my shoes I climbed over the bars and got back in with her. I opened her diaper without getting too near I turned her on her side with the tongs together with the full wet diaper I pulled it away from her without looking all at once she was half naked and kicking her legs in the air. I threw the tongs into a corner of the room I gave her the water bottle she grabbed it and drank almost all of it right away she was feeling fine now she started to sing. So I said you feel better now don’t you Di Di got rid of all that doody for you she listened and made a surprised sort of sound as though to get me to laugh she turned her head to look at the diaper lying beside her. I took the blanket and covered her to keep her warm and ran out of the room ahead of the smell. It was already five o’clock and still raining. I looked at myself in the mirror I was awfully funny-looking with those gloves and the hat and the coat though they hadn’t scared Rakefet maybe they’d go well with a rifle I thought so I took my gun and lay down behind the armchair in an ambush. Now and then I fired a shot it’s a game that once I liked better. The house was quiet. The baby didn’t make a sound. Suddenly I thought she might be naked and catch cold. So I tiptoed in and saw that the blanket had really fallen off she had moved to another part of the bed and dragged the diaper with her everything smelled pieces of BM were everywhere she was trying to grab one she was talking to it I was afraid that next she’d want to eat it.