A. Yehoshua - A Late Divorce

Mom opened the door. Shh shh she said grandpa’s still sleeping what took you so long? I need you she said. I had forgotten all about grandpa she didn’t even see the mud and the tears. She was nervous not like herself the baby lay in the playpen in the middle of the living room and cried Di Di when she saw me that’s her name for me so I went to give her a pacifier but mom said don’t touch her you’re filthy go wash and come quick to eat I need you today so I went to wash up and saw my red eyes in the mirror and thought of the kid squirming under me how he cried I dried my hands and went to eat.

Have you been crying mom asked. What made you think that I said. Did anything happen? No nothing. I had made up my mind not to tell her because she tells everything to dad.

“Don’t eat so fast.”

The house was quiet only the baby talking to a toy.

“Has grandpa been asleep all the time?”

“Yes. He’s very tired from the trip and from the difference in time. What happened in school today?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t eat so fast. Did you have your seder?”

“Yes.”

“What did you do in it?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean, nothing? Didn’t you sing? Didn’t you say any prayers?”

“Yes.”

“Then why do you say nothing? Where are you going?”

“Just to feed the worms.”

“Leave them alone now. First finish eating.”

“It’ll just take a minute.”

I went to look at my silkworms a new one had spun a cocoon in the night so I put it aside and gave the others fresh mulberry leaves. Since I started second grade mom can’t handle me anymore she lets me do what I want she isn’t strict with me like dad. I went back to the table it was really storming outside the telephone rang it must be dad he always checks up at this time of day to see if I’m home. The baby started crying go take care of her said mom I went to her there there I said but still she cried I blew out my cheeks and made a mouth-fart to get her to laugh she stopped crying at once and looked at me her blue eyes full of tears she even smiled a bit then changed her mind and cried some more so I made a mouth-fart again.

Mom was arguing on the telephone lately they argue all the time she hung up she came and picked up the baby she took her to the bathroom to change her I followed her there. The baby had a little yellow crumb of BM.

“Is that all you’ve got for us?” asked mom disappointed but the baby didn’t answer her. She just kicked her feet fast in the air.

“The baby will be fat too.”

“She isn’t fat. All babies are like that. And stop calling her the baby, she has a name…”

“Dad calls her the baby too.”

“You’re not your father and not everything your father does is right. Stop calling her the baby. She has such a sweet name.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Why do you keep putting your hand on your chest?”

“My heart kind of hurts.”

“Your heart? Show me where.”

I opened my shirt and showed her.

“That’s not where your heart is.”

“Then where is it?”

She showed me. I moved my hand there.

“Right. That’s where it hurts.”

“You’re being silly.”

“No, I mean it.”

“Since when?”

“It kind of always has.”

“It’s nothing. You had gym today.”

“It’s not gym, that’s for sure.”

“Do you want me to take you to the doctor?”

“Okay.”

“What are you doing this afternoon?”

“Nothing.”

“I have to go somewhere.”

“Where?”

“It’s not important. To do some shopping. You’ll look after Rakefet.”

“But I have to go somewhere too.”

“Where? What are you talking about?”

“To pick mulberry leaves.”

“You can pick them later. It’s raining now anyway. Rakefet will go to sleep soon, I kept her up purposely this morning so that she should have a Jong nap. She won’t bother you.”

“What if she cries?”

“She won’t. And if she does let her have a pacifier, you can always quiet her down. Make one of those funny faces that she likes. Be a good boy, Gaddi, I know you can be.”

I walked out of the bathroom.

She diapered the baby as fast as she could she put her in her crib she dressed quickly and put a bowl of clean pacifiers on the living-room table and some crackers and a bottle of water and some old keys that Rakefet likes to chew on even three diapers though she told me not to lift her if I had to I should wake up grandpa.

“Does he know how to take care of babies?”

“Of course. He’s going to have one soon himself.”

“Where?”

“Never mind.” She was already sorry she had told me.

“But where?”

“In America.”

“How come?”

“He’s going to have one.”

“But why?”

“He’s going to. What difference does it make?”

She hugged me.

“All right, Gaddi, I’m going. He’ll wake up soon but don’t bother him. Rakefet is sure to sleep. If she cries give her a pacifier and she’ll fall asleep again. Just don’t touch her with dirty hands.”

She seemed awfully nervous.

“Will you bring me something?”

“What?”

“An airplane.”

“All right.”

“An airplane, not a helicopter, because I’ve already got one. You know the difference?”

“Of course.”

“Why did he cry last night?”

“Grandpa? Because it’s been years since he’s seen us. Since he’s seen you.”

“But why did he cry?”

“From excitement. From joy. You can cry from joy too.”

She was sad she always is but now she was sadder. She turned off the heater you’ll be warm enough without it she kissed me and left she said she’d be back in two or three hours. I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge to see what was in it I looked in the pantry not that I was hungry but just in case I found some nuts and chocolates that dad had bought to eat by the TV after supper and put them on the table. It was quiet in the house I turned on the TV there was nothing but lines I turned it off. I took my cars from the drawer and arranged them all in a row. Suddenly I stopped and went to look at grandpa I stood by the door and heard nothing so I opened it a crack and saw the darkness and the open suitcase just like in the morning and grandpa crumpled in bed as though his head wasn’t part of his body. On the table was the welcome sign with the flowers that I’d made him. I closed the door I went to my room the baby was sleeping just then she turned and sighed all funny like an old woman who’s had a tough life I took the box of silkworms and left. I took a worm and put it on the fire engine and gave it a piece of mulberry leaf for the ride and drove it around to see how it would feel. Suddenly the phone rang it was Uncle Asi from Jerusalem he wanted grandpa he couldn’t believe it when I said he was sleeping what he fell asleep again? He never woke up I said mom’s not home. Do you want me to wake him he thought for a minute no he said he’d call again tonight. I wrote Asi on the pad by the phone I picked up the worm it had dropped off the fire engine and put it back in the box I took out another and put it in the helicopter and gave it a piece of leaf too and flew it to the kitchen.

There I drank some juice and ate some of dad’s nuts it was rainy and gray out a real winter day what kind of seder would it be. The worm wanted out of the helicopter I gave it a little bit of nut it didn’t eat so I pushed it back in and flew it to mom and dad’s room where I pulled down the blinds and took out a blanket and lay on the bed with the helicopter beside me. I pulled out the little ladder and that fat white worm that I call Sigal actually slid down it onto the white blanket and poked around there among the lumps it must have thought it had landed on the moon. The phone rang again I picked it up dad’s put a telephone in nearly every room. It was him he was really surprised to hear that grandpa was still sleeping he’s spaced out he said I said maybe he’s sick. Suddenly he asked where are you now what telephone are you talking from he can always sense where I am and what I’m doing even when he’s far away. So I said I’m talking from the phone in your room what are you doing there he asked I said nothing don’t tum the house upside down he said maybe you’ll lie down and rest. Maybe I said. And I tried dozing off because the house was so quiet the dark rainy outside made me want to sleep or maybe it was the queer wine I had drunk. All at once though the baby started crying at first she only whimpered dad’s calling and being upset must have waked her so I waited for her to stop because sometimes she does if it’s just a bad dream like that someone’s stolen her bottle or something like that. And she did but soon she started again even louder she cried and cried in the quiet house it was up to me to do something so I got off mom and dad’s bed and went to our room and stuck the pacifier in her mouth.