Ranko Marinkovic - Cyclops

wrote the poor page Guillaume de Cabstaing of Provence in the twelfth century, moments before his lord, Monseigneur Raymond de Roussillon, cut off his head and pulled the heart out from his chest, had it cooked, and then made his wife, the page’s lover, eat it. He then asked her if the heart she had just eaten had been to her taste — and showed her Guillaume’s head. It was so delicious, she replied, that no other food or drink would ever erase the taste of Guillaume’s heart. Whereupon she leapt from the window to her death, the hapless Madame Marguerite.

He got up and opened the window. Below him was a three-story wet, dark depth.

Well? Should I jump? How do they jump using a parachute? — And he conjured up a breakneck aeronautical grand slalom. The parachute fails to open …

But this: lying on the bed fully dressed, with the light on in the room! And dreaming, in the light, of cutting off your own head! In the light, that’s the most frightening thing about it!

No, I was attempting to operate on myself last night … Perhaps I also got up, turned the light on, dressed, went out, perhaps? The tram? No, the tram happened earlier. It’s all hazy, disjointed. Say something, you sightless things! You, too, flaming minister! — he said to the lightbulb. The lightbulb below the ceiling shone indifferently, mute, deaf, it just shone on without a word. The sole witness watching from above, the sole, sighted witness.

Perhaps I was trying to kill myself?

He remembered the paper-knife and began to quake. Where’s the knife?

A great deal depends on that. Must be over there, on the desk. To think that people wish you a good night in the evening!

The knife was on the desk, thrust to the hilt in a thick volume that had only half its pages cut. The book lay on its side, helpless, stabbed. This disturbed him even more. Stabbed! Who had plunged the knife so brutally into its gut? (It was Wells’s A Short History of the World. Poor Short!) He carefully removed the knife from History’s belly.

I must have been using the damned thing last night after all! The thought would not go away. Enka’s gift, silver-plated, for his birthday the previous year.

He went across to the mirror and was alarmed by him there on the other side eyeing him so weirdly. Look how hard he stares! He means to frighten … But he noticed that the other is also frightened, looking out with mistrust … No, honestly, man does not trust man, not even in a mirror!

Well, what about it, friend? What would we look like with no head? He took hold of his head by the hair with his left hand and very cautiously slid the knife across his windpipe with his right. Glugkhrhhh … went the windpipe, slit. He then held his head in both hands and turned it this way and that as if it had really been severed. What an odd feeling, holding a human head in one’s hands!

Then again, it could have been like this: some important, urgent thoughts had swarmed into the anteroom of sleep, knocking, shouting, alerting you, demanding to be immediately received and heard. But kind Sleep, to protect you from the heralds of bad news, simply took away your head and went whispering to your body: you have nothing to think with, you have no head. Sleep on.

Sleep on indeed, with a knife only a few feet away from your sleep, plunged into History’s guts!

Your word for KNIFE is NOž, pronounced NOZHHH. The zh is the terrible bladelike edge of the word. It contains the zhhhh needed for the slitting of throats. In other languages the knife could be an instrument used to sharpen pencils, slice apples … but nož is all about slaughter, murder most foul. The Croatian word for dagger is bodež , if you strip the zh from bodež—you get bode , a silly harmless pricking, the paltry sting of a mischievous thorn, a tack sticking up from the seat of a chair. Words like howling— lavež , thief— lupež , or a house afire— požar —all of them are bloodcurdling things of the night and you don’t dare lie in bed at night and go to sleep for fear of them.

So you think: what am I to do with the nož? You are actually afraid to go to sleep with it near you. So you try to work something out: wrap it up well, in a whole newspaper, tie it up firmly with string, lock it in a drawer, lock the drawer key in the wardrobe, take the wardrobe key to the kitchen and lock it … somewhere, go back to the room, lock the room, throw the room key out the window. Too complicated. Foolish, too. It can all be undone by working backward.

What is he to do? He sits on the bed with the paper-knife in his hand, it is night, all sensible people are asleep, and there he is, fearful of dozing off lest he cut his own throat in his sleep. And he thinks with rancor: dogs are muzzled, windows barred, wherever you look there are railings, pillars, locks, red lights, lighthouses, signals, warnings BEWARE OF THE DOG! LEVEL CROSSING! DO NOT LEAN OUT THE WINDOW! HIGH VOLTAGE! (Maestro laughing) POISON! and they alarm you with the skull and crossbones the better to protect you; experts on the railways, on the sea and in the air, experts in police departments protect you and your two shoes from burglars and collectivists, in every capital city there is an expert safeguarding you from sudden attack by means of treaties, alliances, and friendships, and generally protecting your interests abroad. Spiritual leaders protect your soul; statesmen, your body. In fact they vie — nay, quarrel — with each other over who will protect you best, and consequently give you wafts of incense and sprinkles of holy water for the benefit of your soul; and for the benefit of your body they surround you with powerful security measures: the League of Nations, the Non-Aggression and Mutual Assistance Pact, the Maginot Line, the Siegfried Line, guns, tanks, submarines, bombers, rifles, mines, bayonets, pistols — in a word, an impregnable circle of fire and steel, and they tell you: you’re safe in here, don’t do anything ridiculous like feeling despair. We’re here, you can sleep in peace.

Sleep in peace … Sorry, gentlemen, a bit of a misunderstanding here. I naturally am safe by your side — I mean, under your wise and powerful aegis. And I’m afraid of no one as long as you are here. But when I go to sleep you’re no longer at my side and I’m alone and mindless like an idiot. Can’t you see the dreams I have? How can I sleep? Inside your safe circle of fire, treaties, and bayonets — don’t be surprised — I’m very poorly protected from myself! I panic like a scorpion.

There’s nothing I can do about it — I am a scorpion. And if you don’t let me out, I fear I will give myself a lethal injection, just like a scorpion, in despair!

He thought he ought to go back to bed after all. But what was the use, given that van der Lube would appear immediately, crazed by the terrible death he had experienced, and mutter madly, “Give me back my head, you thieves, give me back my head, my head, my head …”

Melkior leaned against the windowpane. The barracks were still asleep. The guard had crawled into the sentry box like a dog and was dozing on his feet inside, troubled by soldierly dreams. In the house next door lived a young woman in the last stage of pregnancy. What is she going to have? A daughter. Then she would be impressing upon the girl, in later years, that the wife holds up three corners of the house and the husband only the fourth. (If a bomb hit a house who held up the corners?) If she had a son, his father would worry about his FUTURE, which might well exceed three months. He would buy him a spring-action toy rifle and some tin soldiers, give the lad something to play with. The boy would guard their house all day long, like that soldier was guarding his barracks across the street, and would shoot at the unarmed enemy children on the block. And in the evening, when his father returned from work, he would shoot at him, “Bang! Daddy, I’ve killed you. Lie down, Daddy, you’re dead.” Daddy was worried and grave, he didn’t even notice the child’s game. He had a newspaper in hand, an extra-late addition. The boy was angry at Daddy’s refusal to lie down when dead, and shot him again with murderous rage, Bang! but Daddy did not fall. The boy flung himself to the floor in desperation, pounding it with his fists, weeping over the disregard for the rules of his game. “Humor the child a bit, can’t you,” his mother cut in. “What, and die to please him?” His father was not in the mood for joking. “It’s only a game. Don’t be a spoilsport.” “We’ll be playing the game for keeps soon enough,” his father said anxiously. The boy had been eavesdropping slyly and redoubled his screams on realizing the failure of his mother’s intercession. In the end his father spanked him and sent him to bed. Lying in bed, he sobbed, offended, in the dark. Later on, half asleep, he heard his father and mother talking quietly in bed, his mother crying and his father tossing and turning, saying, “If only it weren’t for the boy.” And the boy thought: “It’s me Daddy’s talking about, he’s sorry I’m alive. All right then, I’ll kill myself in the coal shed first thing in the morning” and envisaged dropping a stone down the gun barrel and shooting himself in the eye.