Noah Cicero: The Collected Works of Noah Cicero Vol. I

“You think this war all comes down to oil?”

“Listen, there are African and Latin American countries that have horrible tyrants just like Saddam and we aren’t fighting them. So why should we pick on Iraq. I feel that unless we take care of all the countries that have tyrants, we shouldn’t take care of any,” he says.

“Yeah, but those countries don’t have oil.”

“You’re right, they don’t have anything we need… Well I have to go.”

“See ya later.”

He gets up and pays and then walks out.

I go back to reading.

I don’t know what to make of what he said.

I guess an opinion on war would be most credible from someone who actually fought in a war.

I have no idea what war is.

All I know is that it doesn’t sound fun.

I drink my coffee and smoke cigarettes.

Half an hour till war.

I feel like I should be sitting next to a television watching the speculations and reports, but I don’t want to be home with my family listening to their speculations.

Everyone has an opinion, and I don’t want to hear any of them.

Jimmy comes in and sits down next to me.

“Here again?” Jimmy says.

“Of course,” I say.

“I sat in the park all day.”

“How was that?”

“Peacefully full of turmoil.”

“The war is going to start soon.”

“Soon we will all be dead,” Jimmy says.

“Are the terrorists coming.”

“Why wouldn’t they, if I were them I would.”

“Maybe they’ll bomb Denny’s.”

“They should, America revolves around this Denny’s,” I say.

“America hates Denny’s.”

“Of course they hate Denny’s, Denny’s is designed for poor people.”

“And poor people are expendable.”

“That’s why they got mad about September Eleventh, because so many rich people died.”

“And rich people shouldn’t die.”

“Should we become rich?” I say.

“Of course, it’s the American dream.”

“I’m the American dream.”

“You surely are.”

“I’m like Donald Trump.”

“I know, you’re a millionaire.”

“I have millions, that’s why I go to Denny’s.”

“Me too, I own oil wells in the Middle East,” Jimmy says.

“I don’t like this.”

“Don’t like what.”

“This war.”

“No one does.”

“But we’re saving a nation of people from a tyrant.”

“But that’s not our country,” Jimmy says.

“So they should save themselves.”

“Yes.”

“But why shouldn’t we save them?”

“I don’t see why we wouldn’t.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“I thought you were against the war?” I say.

“I’m confused, I don’t see why we should, and why we shouldn’t.”

“I’m confused too.”

“We can be confused together.”

“As we sit here and drink coffee.”

“And smoke cigarettes.”

“We can be confused,” I say.

“Yes.”

“I don’t see any clear answers to any of my questions.”

“One will never get clear answers when it involves the actions of the government,” Jimmy says.

“The war is starting, it’s eight o’clock.”

“You’re right, it is.”

“Bombs have just been fired.”

“Soon people will die,” Jimmy says.

“And they will never get to live another day of life. They will never get to fuck again or get drunk with their friends.”

“They have to die, so we can drive our cars.”

“Maybe I would rather ride a bicycle than have people die.”

“No you wouldn’t, you’d rather have them die,” Jimmy says.

“You’re probably right.”

“Who knows, maybe you would ride a bike.”

“I can’t bear this.”

“It’s bearable.”

“I know, and that’s what is painful,” I say.

“There will be a lot of pain in upcoming weeks.”

“I feel so powerless and frustrated.”

“You are powerless.”

“Each man must learn he is powerless one day.”

“And a painful day that is,” Jimmy says.

“I’m a human, I should be able to do something.”

“There is nothing you can do, except be pissed.”

“What if I light myself on fire like the Buddhists did in Vietnam?”

“You’ll be on the news, but that’s about all.”

“The war will go on.”

“The machine has started, now it won’t end till it’s over.”

“The machine is unbreakable.”

“The machine has been working strong for thousands of years, it won’t end for you.”

“What if I pray for a really long time?”

“Prayer doesn’t help anyone, you know that.”

“I feel so powerless, so small, so worthless,” I say.

“You are powerless, small, and worthless.”

“Tonight I’m going to get drunk and hopefully forget that I’m human.”

“You should try that, it’ll be good for you.”

“I will, I’ll get drunk.”

“And what will you do then?”

“Go home and hang myself.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I no longer want to live in a world where bastards wage war on each other.”

“The bastards have to wage war, it’s what they do… See, kids who want to be soldiers do it because they are warlike beasts; they have to fight to feel human.”

“But civilians are getting killed.”

“They will go to Allah,” Jimmy says.

“What if there’s no God?”

“Then they go nowhere.”

“They disappear?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want to die.”

“Personally I don’t think anyone does.”

“Why do we do it then?” I say.

“Because we have to.”

“I refuse.”

“You don’t have much choice.”

“I should have a choice, I’m a free individual.”

“We all die.”

“What if there’s no God?”

“Then nowhere.”

“All my memories gone.”

“Memories gone.”

“But my memories make me who I am.”

“Then you won’t be anyone.”

“I always want to be someone.”

“Well, one day you won’t be anyone.”

“What will I do that day?”

“Nothing.”

“Forever?”

“Yes, forever.”

“There must be another option?”

“It’s not even an option, it’s an ultimatum,” Jimmy says.

“I don’t like imminent things.”

“No one does.”

“We should wage a war against death.”

“We did, it’s called religion.”

“I thought religion was to make sure people hated homosexuals.”

“No, it’s a battle against death.”

“Oh yes, if you believe in Jesus you will have everlasting life.”

“See?”

“I see.”

“So if you believe in Jesus, you shall have everlasting joy in heaven.”

“What if Jesus was just a regular man like you and me?”

“Then it’s not true,” Jimmy says.

“Then for the last two thousand years people have been believing in a dumb guy who might have not even existed?”

“Possibly.”

“Oh, this is maddening.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Could it be any worse?” I say.

“Probably not.”

“Only if people knew that their lives were based off of bullshit, they don’t know how bad the shit really is.”

“No they don’t, and they don’t want to know, so don’t tell them. They don’t need to know.”

“Will they ever figure it out?”

“Slowly they figure everything out.”

“How long do we have to wait?” I say.

“Another thousand years if we don’t blow each other up by then.”

“I don’t want to be blown up.”

“It doesn’t matter when you die, after you die the same thing will happen no matter when you die. Either heaven or nothing.”