Noah Cicero: The Collected Works of Noah Cicero Vol. I

“I know I would.”

“What is your platform for Iraq?”

“I would create the biggest military in the world and attack America.”

“Good platform,” Jimmy says.

“I believe I can crush them.”

“So do I.”

“Then I would take over the world, and pillage it of its resources.”

“Another good idea.”

“I would rage against anyone that said anything bad about me. I would paint the world red with blood.”

“Man, you would make a great president.”

“I know, it would be great. I think I’m going to call the White House tomorrow and ask them about it.”

“You should, I bet they’ll let you do it.”

“Of course, who else would be qualified for the position.”

“You, who else.”

“Will you be my vice president?” I say.

“I’d rather be the head general of the army.”

“Oh, even better. I won’t have a vice president, who needs one.”

“You certainly don’t.”

“I want to take over China and enslave them.”

“That would be great, Americans would never have to do work again.”

“There’s enough of them to fill every occupation in America and Iraq. No one would have to work again.”

“You’re a political genius.”

“I’ve studied a lot of Jefferson. That’s where I get it from.”

“I can see.”

“If I took over America, I’d nuke West Virginia.”

“Why?”

“It’s a useless place, it doesn’t need to be there anymore.”

“Yeah, we don’t need West Virginia,” Jimmy says.

“Then I would put the White House in California.”

“Good idea. Can I stay there in the Lincoln Bedroom?”

“Oh yeah, of course.”

“Can I wipe my ass with a painting of Bush and Nixon?”

“No doubt, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Beautiful.”

“Do you want to go to the strip joint now?”

“Yes, that sounds perfect,” Jimmy says.

We stand up and pay for our coffees.

The war has already started.

Planes are flying over Baghdad.

To throw bombs onto the city.

Buildings will soon be gone.

Toppled.

Screams will soon be heard.

Then they will go silent.

There will be mass death.

Americans will be glued to the television.

Parents of soldiers will sit at home worried.

Young infantry soldiers sit more worried.

There will be a lot of tears shed in the next few weeks.

I wonder if I will cry.

I hope not.

Death.

And then there was war.

I don’t want this.

No.

I reject it.

I refuse to accept the world is like this.

But it is.

It’s horrible.

And mad.

I do not know how to confront the day.

With this insanity.

I wish I were a child playing in the yard.

Or an old man sitting in a wheel chair.

But I’m not.

I’m young and I have to live with the memory of this for a long time.

How long will my life be.

Too long.

America has just begun to fight.

The clocks are burning.

Snakes are slithering through our hearts.

The animals are screaming in the wilderness.

There is no light here.

The prisoners are rioting.

The children are crying.

Christ is in heaven watching.

We all have scabies and we are scratching till we bleed.

Ulcers are hurting.

The sun is setting.

Lions stop hunting.

The moon is hidden behind the clouds.

There’s a dust storm blinding us.

When I grow old.

This day will be a blur.

And it might not even matter.

Perhaps this is insignificant.

Perhaps the Iraqis will love freedom.

Perhaps they won’t.

They never asked for freedom.

I don’t see why we have to give it to them.

Of course I don’t see why we don’t.

But all the middle eastern countries are ruled by regimes.

Why save this one.

There are a lot of good questions that will never be answered.

Like we would believe the answers if they were told to us.

Someday I’ll wake up and this will be over.

Until then I’ll suffer.

I don’t know why I suffer, I guess it’s habit.

I no longer believe that there are solutions to the world’s problems.

The world is controlled by humans.

And humans are an insane species.

They suffer from power.

I regret ever belonging to the human species.

It’s trite and violent.

I would kill myself.

But I want to watch the insanity.

What will these crazy monkeys do next.

The human species is a train wreck.

They’re all mangled and distorted.

They’re all suffering from disorder of the mind.

And they’re not very intelligent.

They have no desire to know anything.

And the ones who want to know.

Are so consumed with vanity they learn nothing.

I regret ever being an intellectual.

I’d rather be a mechanic.

Or something simple.

But I’m myself, and I know more than the next person.

I didn’t choose this way of life.

It just happened that way.

By divine power or accident.

I don’t know.

I don’t believe in a way of life.

I don’t think humans can follow any code of rules without fucking it up.

The Christian way.

The Taoist way.

The Buddhist way.

I don’t believe in ways.

Humans are apes.

And apes can’t follow ways.

They follow their instincts.

I used to believe in God.

And tried to live the Christian way.

But instead I followed my instincts.

Man is constantly at war with his instincts.

Man is constantly at war.

I used to believe in God.

But it faded.

As everything fades.

The saddest thing about existence.

Is that everything fades into the past.

The past is so remarkable.

In my past.

I failed kindergarten because I couldn’t read.

I got into fights with schoolmates.

I scored touchdowns playing football.

I smoked weed.

Played in a band.

Had braces.

Got a root canal.

Had sex with a fat girl in a church.

Went to the mental ward.

Graduated from high school.

Lived in California and Oregon.

Went to Mexico and smoked meth.

All that lies in my past.

I was there for that.

That was me doing those things.

Now they’re gone.

All part of the history of my existence.

And someday this will be part of my history on this planet.

There is much history in every person.

It’s unbearable to think about.

We all live long lives.

Absurdity.

Jimmy and I get into our own cars.

The radio is announcing the beginning of the war.

We have already launched cruise missiles.

They are currently pelting Baghdad.

While I drive to the strip joint.

People are dying.

Buildings are being blown up.

Humans are scared.

Americans soldiers are celebrating because they hit their targets.

While I drive to the strip joint.

I’m happy.

There’s no better place to take away a man’s anguish.

I go to the strip joint every time I feel sad.

Even if I don’t have money.

I go and get a lap dance.

I get some young girl to rub her butt on my penis.

It makes me feel better about being human.

Some say it’s immoral that I go to strip joints.

But I don’t care.

Everyone needs a little immorality in their life.

The war has started.

I get to the strip joint and walk in.

It’s a little shitty place.

There’s a small bar.

Only two men are there.

One old white guy wearing a button-down t-shirt.

He looks like he’s retired from Packard and has money to spend.