Noah Cicero - The Collected Works of Noah Cicero Vol. I

The other one is an old black guy.

He looks like he still works but has money to spend.

Jimmy and I sit down at the bar.

There’re two girls circulating the bar.

One is a mixed girl named China.

She’s a beautiful girl.

I think she does coke.

And there’s an ugly white girl.

I think she’s an alcoholic.

I don’t know why anyone would let that ugly white girl dance for them.

She’s fucking putrid.

The girls’ dressing room door is open. I see a pretty white girl getting ready in there.

It looks like Jamie.

Could it be Jamie?

I used to love Jamie this time last year.

I was obsessed with her.

I even wrote a book with her as the star.

She smells so good.

But she hasn’t worked here in a while.

I was hoping she would be here.

She will take away all my suffering.

The girl walks out of the bathroom.

And it’s not Jamie.

I wanted Jamie.

Jamie is so beautiful.

It’s unreal.

I sit sad.

Absurdity.

“Jimmy, I feel like crying,” I say.

“Why? You’re at a strip joint, you should be happy.”

“Because Jamie isn’t here, I wanted Jamie. Where’s Jamie? I want to find her.”

“Dude, why do you care about Jamie? She’s a whore.”

“Because she was interesting, she was crazy. I love crazy girls.”

“You need to stop dating crazy girls. All crazy girls do is fuck up your life.”

“I don’t care about my life, I want crazy girls,” I say.

“You’re sick.”

“I’m not sick, I’m the pinnacle of normalcy.”

“No, you’re sick and mad.”

“You could be right.”

“None of these girls are very attractive,” Jimmy says.

“This is the shittiest strip joint in America. What do you expect?”

“I don’t know, attractive girls.”

“All the attractive girls work at the Babylon, you know that,” I say.

“I know, but that place is expensive.”

“If you want hot girls, you got to pay the cash. Supply and demand, you know.”

“Yeah, who cares? China is still hot though.”

“You know it.”

I watch China dance for the old white guy.

The old white guy loves it.

He smiles.

He knows there’s a war.

We all do.

But the girls have to make money.

And the men have to get boners.

That is the law of the strip joint.

I always wanted to date a stripper.

But the girls never go out with me.

But fuck it, who cares.

So I’ve never dated a stripper.

And I probably never will.

That’s existence.

Jimmy is sitting next to me, staring at the girl who’s not Jamie swinging on the bar.

I look at the girl and don’t care.

I want Jamie.

The girl is overweight anyway.

And she’s really tall.

Which I despise in women.

I can’t stand a woman to be above five foot five.

And she’s like five nine.

Jimmy is enthralled.

He probably has a boner.

I don’t have a boner.

I want one, though.

And I’m not leaving until I get one.

I got money and I want to spend it.

On perversion.

The song ends and the Jamie wannabe gets off the poll and comes over to me.

I stare at her as she walks over.

She stands before me: a tall red-headed giant.

“Hi, my name’s Star. What’s your name?”

I don’t want to give her my name, she’s not Jamie.

“Mark.”

“Would you like a dance?”

I think about it for a long second.

I really don’t want this girl to dance for me.

I’m not even attracted to her.

Kendra is better looking than her.

When you go to the strip joint, you’re supposed to see girls hotter than the people you fuck.

“Yeah, I’ll take a dance.”

The song starts.

She begins bouncing her butt off my penis.

I’m not enjoying it.

I stare at China from across the room.

She’s still trying to get money out of the old guy.

The redhead turns around and shows me her breasts.

Her nipples are pierced, of course.

She rubs her breasts in my face.

That is nice.

She does a bunch of other tricks to get me horny and get money out of me.

But they don’t work.

I remain bored during the whole thing.

The song ends.

I give her a five.

She sits down next to me.

“So what do you do?” she says.

“I write,” I say.

“What do you write about?”

“About what it means to be human.”

“What does it mean to be human?” she says.

“I don’t know.”

“How do you write about it then?”

“I just write it.”

“You just write it, that’s it.”

“Yes, I type, then it’s all right there.”

“Right there.”

“Yes, right there.”

“That’s unbelievable.”

“Yes, it can be at times.”

“Do you have a real job?” she says.

“No, I’m unemployed.”

“That sucks.”

“What do you do in your spare time?”

“Raise my kids.”

“Is that fun?” I say.

“No, it sucks.”

“How old are they?”

“Not old enough.”

“Do you beat your kids?”

“All the time.”

“That’s horrible for them.”

“They don’t care, they go right back to playing after I do it.”

“Oh.”

“Do you do coke?” she says.

“No.”

“That sucks.”

“Why?”

“Because I really want some.”

“What kind of mother are you?”

“A bad one.”

“I had a bad mother, kids never get over that shit,” I say.

“I don’t care, I’m not them,” she says.

“You’re right, you aren’t them.”

“I’m me, and I’m a stripper. I’m twenty-six years old. I’ve been a stripper since I was eighteen. I’ve done nothing with my life except get pregnant. You think I want to be me?”

“I wouldn’t want to be you.”

“I’ve never done anything all my life, I don’t paint, write, anything creative. I’ve never tried to be anything. I’ve never wanted to be anything but drunk. I’m doomed.”

“It must be tough to be doomed.”

“It ain’t easy.”

There are a lot of doomed people.

They can’t escape themselves.

I’m not the one to save them.

It’s each person versus the universe.

Most lose badly.

I stare at her pretty face.

And wish there was some way I could save it from the madness.

But I can’t.

I can only save myself.

I’m not Jesus.

So I just let her be.

She gets up and goes over to Jimmy.

She dances for Jimmy.

Jimmy is very happy.

He loves redheads.

I sit there in my sadness.

The ugly girl comes over and asks me for a dance.

I say no.

She walks away.

I order another beer.

I drink it fast, trying to get drunk.

China goes over and dances for the other old guy.

He puts his hands on her ass and rubs her bare butt cheeks.

I’m jealous.

I think about fucking China for a little bit.

Jimmy is still getting dances from the redhead.

I sit alone.

There’s a war.

And I’m sitting in a strip joint.

I’m impatiently waiting for China.

All I want is a dance.

Then I can go to the bar and have a good time.

China finally comes over.

“Would you like a dance?” she says.

“Yes,” I say.

She begins her dance.

I love her body touching mine.

I caress her butt the whole time.

My boner slowly rises.

She does the motions robotically.

I don’t care, I want a boner.

She jabs her butt into my penis repeatedly.

My penis is at full length.

I love every second of it.