William Gaddis - J R

— On the hole business is very good, is that the one Cohen? That’s the message you asked me what was on those novelty rolls?

— I see yes I, thank you Mister Duncan returning to your own position in this situation Mister Bast especially as viewed in terms of the possibilities we have just discussed, I am of course fully aware that, were you guided by strictly mercenary considerations, you would hardly have disdained your original opportunity to lay claim to a share of the estate in question against which no doubt you could have borrowed forthwith, particularly since recent changes in the law would appear to obviate any problems regarding your emancipation…

— Like me to send you a few of those novelty rolls when I get back to Zanesville Cohen? The top man in the company he had cases sent out to all the division heads, sort of an encouraging word when you’re in the middle of…

— No no thank you no, I wouldn’t…

— Wouldn’t deprive anybody there’s a whole case there, just get fixed up and get back to Zanesville…

— I would heartily support that Mister Duncan yes, now Mister Bast if we could clear up this one essential point which has been a major obstacle to the logical and satisfactory conclusion of this entire matter since my initial confron, my first meeting with your aunts…

— Say Cohen, before you get into…

— Mister Duncan please! I, I just purchased those newspapers for you in the admittedly desperate hope that reading them to yourself might provide you with sufficient diversion to permit…

— Thanks that’s just what I want to do what do I owe you.

— Nothing, only a brief period of si…

— I just wanted to ask you to reach across him in that night table there and hand me the bedpan.

— I, yes. Yes. Mister Bast? Under the circumstances…

— Not leaving are you Cohen?

— I think so yes I, I should get downtown for another probably equally futile here you are Mister Duncan, yes perhaps when I return tomorrow one of you will be discharged one of you, either one of you it almost ceases to matter…

— Wait do you want to take this story about this wetback with the five dollar Cadillac I’ll tear it out for you, talking about wills and executors what this dumb millionaire did he made his wife executor so when he left the proceeds of this yacht and this Cadillac to some chip…

— No no thank you all the same Mister Duncan the Corpus Juris is filled with such follies goodnight, goodnight Mister Bast I trust…

— Thank you for the pencil Mister Coen.

— Cohen? Bring him some tomorrow sharp ones, he wants fifty sharp ones getting on this thing it’s like riding a midget’s surfboard, there. Bast? listen to this one, Davenport Iowa. The wife of a wealthy East Coast publishing executive who disappeared from her fashionable Scarsdale New York home last Christmas eve was discovered here today working as a waitress in a coffeeshop in order to help her husband out of the severe financial difficulties she was convinced had overtaken him, which she believed he feared to confide even to her how do you like that. Reached at Boca Raton where he is attending a publishing convention, the six figure a year executive good naturedly characterized as cigar money his wife’s savings of nine hundred sixteen dollars and eleven cents in small bills and coins, discovered by chance when fire struck the four dollar a week room here in which she has no privacy in this place at all what do you want.

— You’re Mister Duncan? You were to call the office about your insurance this health plan, is it all you have?

— What’s wrong with it, I got it through those same son of a…

— It’s very interesting, we’ve never seen one like it but it doesn’t seem to cover you till you enter the nursing home.

— What makes you think I’m entering a nursing home.

— If you want to get your coverage page eleven, twelve it’s down here miscellaneous provisions wait I brought a magnifying glass, approved nursing home care including specified prescription drugs and prosthetic devices in accordance with article sixteen paragraph twenty g, your departure by private hearse, plastic casket and complete service by the denomination of your choice with free plastic flower spray and your own personalized plot four by eight feet overlooking the picturesque leisure village of Union…

— Wait hand me that newspaper no, under there that one those son of a, look here, Eldercare bill passes they passed this Eldercare bill that should…

— But your age according to our…

— Then I’ll just sit here till I qualify how do you like that, Waddles? Get this woman out of here she’s upsetting me, and get me off this thing, what’s that. Jello?

— It’s your supper.

— It’s Jello.

— Mister Bast? Let’s just move all these papers and put your tray here, you have been busy today haven’t you.

— Just hand me the financial page there before you go Waddles, read it while I eat this there’s no sense being sick twice see that Bast? Life never lets you down does it, the Dow just hit four fifty-three the whole thing’s finally going to pot how do you like that, wake up some morning and it just won’t be there that’s what I’m telling you Bast you can’t call yourself a failure if you’ve never done anything. Run the whole country into the ground get thirty or forty thousand boys killed but they’ll let you pretend it’s not a war as long as you don’t raise taxes to pay for it, son of a bitches who still think winning’s what it’s all about that’s what would scare them this is worse than that fish I never tasted anything like it. Lie about taxes cheat on the federal budget a few years of that you’ve got the rate of private debt formation running double the real output it’s all supposed to be paid back from, let the interest rates triple on top of that and they’ll plant you a tree on the Perdinalies hand you a world bank or a three billion dollar foundation and give you ninety thousand a year walking around money while she sits in her four dollar a week room in Davenport and counts her tips that’s what I’m telling you Bast, if you want to make a million you don’t have to understand money, what you have to understand is people’s fears about money that’s what it’s all about try your Jello right on top of the cauliflower see? That way you can’t taste either one of them, you hear people crying about inflation that’s the only thing that’s kept it all going how else do they expect to pay back the two dollars they owe from the one they make here’s another of these son of a bitches listen to this. In a strongly worded appeal following today’s Senate hearings on the two hundred million dollar government loan guarantee favored by banking and investment interests engaged in reorganizing the complex corporate affairs of the same son of a bitches that got me out of the wallpap…

— Are you boys all finished?

— That’s the word Waddles, I’m never going to eat another bite.

— You shouldn’t say a thing like that Mister Duncan, you’ll feel better after an enema.

— Coffee?

— You’re not to have coffee, I’ll get you some juice if you…

— I’m talking about the enema a coffee enema, Waddles? Colombian coffee did you hear me? Conjuring up the impending threat of unemployed constituents in numerous states where the corporate son of a bitches where was I here, corporate holdings are located, Senator Broos went on to emphasize the further threat to company stockholders and its proliferation in terms of the current market plunge with the consequent headlong flight of the small investor as a near fatal wound upon the nation’s body politic son of a bitches never let you down do they, who said that Mark Twain a politician’s an ass everything’s sat on except a man? Stressing the vital necessity of expanded capital formation unimpeded by government restraints, Senator Broos’ impassioned plea for a restoration of faith on the part of the common man in the free enterprise system as the cornerstone of those son of a bitches who still think winning’s what it’s all about give them a string of high p e ratios and a rising market it’s all free enterprise all they howl about’s government restraints interference double taxation, all free enterprise till they wreck the whole thing they’re the first ones up there with a tin cup whining for the government to bail them out with a loan guarantee so they can do it all over again…