William Gaddis - J R

— Here we are Mister Duncan, now let’s just…

— What’s that, Waddles. I said coffee.

— It’s just mineral oil it’s not going to bite you, now just lie on your side and try to re…

— No such thing as free enterprise in this country since the Haymarket riots, the minute something threatens this expanding capital forma ow…

— That’s it lie still now, just try to keep it in as long as you can that’s it…

— Threaten this expanding capital formation and they’re at the head of the line whining for loan guarantees against the, the taxes on those tips she’s sitting out there counting at night on her four dollar davenport to, to…

— That’s it now just keep it in…

— to bail them out because she’s the only one who knows failure’s what it’s really all, all I don’t know how much longer I…

— Just a little longer you’re doing fine…

— See the debt burden rising twice as fast as income the price of chemicals today see that in the paper? Price of chemicals in the human body it’s worth three dollars and a half used to be ninety-eight cents when I, I can’t, good time to sell out try to slow down inflation the whole security market’s co, collapsing credit shrinkage forcing a, can’t…

— Just a minute longer…

— forcing a, a mass, massive outflow of…

— Wait here’s the pan! here’s the pan! my…

— I don’t, don’t feel too good Waddles…

— Just lie back now it’s all right, let me change this sheet.

— Just let me, hand me that paper there something I wanted to read to Bast.

— He’s had a busy day Mister Duncan, I don’t think he even…

— Bast? you awake? I thought you’d want to hear about our brave little fourth grader listen. A brief rockthrowing disturbance erupted here this morning when hot coffee, frankfurter and novelty vendors clashed with signcarrying members of the MAMA organization over their line of march past Cyclone Seven on the windswept Cultural Plaza where, for the eighth straight day, a haggard member of the local fire department stands with his torch ready to reach the brave little eighth straight day it can’t be, what day is it Waddles.

— I don’t know is it Wednesday? let’s move your feet…

— Where’s the rest of this paper wait, Bast? how do you like this one. An elderly drifter who has made his home with a local family in recent years was found in critical condition here today being nursed by two small children, who have been administering a mixture of maple syrup and plaster of Paris to him following what appears to have been a fall some days ago. In the unexplained absence of both parents, stories pieced together from neighbors and authorities at the nearby school where both had taught until recently indicate that each of them believed their elderly guest to be the other’s father, and during recent…

— Mister Duncan why don’t you just rest now let me turn off the light, I think Mister Bast’s already…

— He’s a good listener aren’t you Bast, that’s the whole secret of making people like you be an American you want everybody to like you. I took a Dale Carnegie course once learned you can’t trust anybody you can’t even trust yourself how do you like that, son of a bitches blow off their hands and feet wreck the whole economy just wanted everybody to like him, you wouldn’t believe I started out a Roman would you? Anything serious for confession sneak down to the slums and confess to the Franciscans they’d heard everything rape, incest, steal the household money that night you told me you’d had your chance and made a mess of it? Steal from the dime store the kind of things I did they’d hand out five hail Marys that story I told you about my boy, you didn’t believe it did you? Something I read in the paper once that’s why I told it to you Bast just get a good opinion of yourself that’s all you need, reach the end of the line waiting for God to drop the other shoe that’s all you’ve got…

— Let’s just put your light out and settle down now Mister Duncan, I think you need…

— Get fixed up and get back to Zanesville…

— Don’t worry we’ll fix you up…

— Good night nurse. You don’t hear that one anymore do you.

— Good night now, I’ll see you boys in the morning… and the glow at the wall socket took up the loss of day, eyed the slow accumulation of the night.

— Bast? you awake? Bast? Will you help me over here?

— What, what is it. Mister Duncan?

— I can’t find it help me over here will you?

— Yes but, wait a minute, yes. What’s, but what are you reaching for…

— Not the eye of a needle.

— What?

— Those people at the next bed there are they, I can’t understand them what are they Porto Ricans?

— Mister Duncan there’s nobod…

— Do you want to split a beer? Split a beer with me will you?

— Well, well all right but…

— Never in the service were you Bast?

— No I, never…

— Fourteen years it took me to get out of the wallpaper business the first payday I was drafted down there at Dix I started a ten cent crap game, son of a bitches came raised it a dollar five dollars ten I got out and started another ten cent crap game the same thing happened, kept happening till I was standing there alone crap games going on all around me I’d started them all how do you like that. I said how do you like that.

— Well I, I’m sorry it ended that way maybe I’d better…

— It always does Bast it always does, life never lets you down the first night we were out there they put us out there in the Huertgen Forest Marty shouts over to us you guys want to see a dead German? Out there in the moonlight the moon was out half his head gone squatted there with his pants down I couldn’t take a crap for five days after that, you’d better get a case, Bast? Better get a case, call home and get three dollars and twenty eight cents. Have you had your lunch?

— Well, well yes we…

— What are you going to have for supper.

— Well we, we just…

— Have you got the money? Let’s see it…

— Mis, Mister Duncan I’d better ring for the nurse…

— Going at three fifty a good time to sell out I lost a daughter, did I tell you that Bast? Both of us get fixed up and go homesteading she could spell almost anything how do you like that, she was taking piano lessons when they took out her appendix son of a bitches never let you down do they it wasn’t her appendix at all. I took a bride doll up to her that’s the one thing she wanted, a bride doll, she’d keep missing the right notes keep trying it again she was learning a song called for Alise’s something like that I never did hear it like it was supposed to be, she’d miss notes leave little parts out and start again I always thought maybe someday I’d hear it right hear what I was supposed to there was a delicatessen near us named Alise’s then, that’s why I can even remember the name of it still hear it like she played it though that’s all I, all I want, I can still, hear it? hear it…?

— Yes who rang in here?

— I did nurse it’s Mister Duncan he’s, I just wonder if he’s all right he…

— Get back to bed I’ll take care of him… the spot of light leaped, dropped shrunk close searching white from whites, darted, paused — just get to sleep he won’t disturb you now… came up blinding and was gone, leaving the dark confirmed by the wall socket’s glow until it faded with the rise of day.

— Mister Duncan? are you awake? Sun caught on water somewhere trembled on the ceiling — that reflection up there, can you see it throbbing? I think it’s my puke I’ve just been lying here watching it, I couldn’t figure it out. I wasn’t even trying to Mister Duncan? do you know what scares me? Just lying here watching it it’s from that glass of water down there where my foot’s resting I was thinking about all the things you’ve said, I was thinking there’s so much that’s not worth doing suddenly I thought maybe I’ll never do anything. That’s what scared me I always thought I’d be, this music I always thought I had to write music all of a sudden I thought what if I don’t, maybe I don’t have to I’d never thought of that maybe I don’t! I mean maybe that’s what’s been wrong with everything maybe that’s why I’ve made such a, why I’ve been thinking of things you’ve said as though just, just doing what’s there to be done as though it’s worth doing or you never would have done anything you wouldn’t be anybody would you, you wouldn’t even be who you are now, Mister Duncan? where’s the, nurse? Miss Waddams is that you out there…?