William Gaddis - J R

— Invention says right there invention God damn it means player piano…

— Man I mean that’s what I mean, like I mean if it says it why doesn’t it say it? And I mean this is the name of the book agape agape? that’s the name of it?

— Can’t, look pē mark right over the God damned e pi eta pē agapē can’t see God damn it? pi eta pē?

— Man like who’s supposed to know piéta I mean…

— Didn’t Christ! didn’t say pietà whole God damned different Christ any God damned use look, book don’t bring a God damned thing to it can’t take a God damned thing from it don’t know something look it up no God damned obligation encyclopedia right here look it up ag, ag, glass golf wrong God damned volume…

— Look man I mean it doesn’t mat…

— Whole God damned point doesn’t matter why agapē’s agape, whole God damned point just look up something else Gordian Knot the, casual bowser look up Gordian Knot the. Known as Chinese Gordon for his brilliant military exploits in that country, Charles George Gordon later undertook the heroic defense of Khartoum where the knot that bears his name of Christ!

— Look out! you could have broke the window man I mean Chairman Meow you scared the shit out of him here kitty, I mean like why’d you throw it at him man here kitty kitty…

— Whole God, damned, try to tell you tell them too God damned late love feast all over shoot the God damned pianist doesn’t matter laughing string whereon mad fingers place of stone Christ, feel like I was born here…

— Man look out that’s my leg…

— God damned many years worth doing God damned eyes follow you start to hate him still waiting shake his God damned stick nothing happen, bandage dry up falls off milk sour world go by out in the God damned sunshine friends finally too God damned embarrassed to ask, come back open the God damned door right where you hate him God damned eyes staring out see where he was going thought you were taking him see what you don’t…

— Look out man sit up I mean you’re hurting my, here kitty…

— Move a clause plump the God damned pillow doesn’t matter wave his stick doesn’t matter cut a paragraph hands on his God damned throat squeeze the whole God damned thing down to a period hate it!

— Wait don’t man I mean you’re tearing…

— Ten years late staggers out God damned pianist already shot God damned sunshine everybody step right over him God damned hurry go noplace nobody give a God damn book everything’s happened book about everybody knows hate it!

— Man like that’s what people want’s books that tell them what they already know, I mean that’s why they’re all such bullshit get my foot out of under your, ow… she drew its moccasined heel up hung on the sofa’s edge her fallen leg’s length from his perch there on H-O — like I mean look at all the fucking books in this place who asked you to write another one anyhow.

— Said I would.

— Like said to who, I mean that’s this big important call you’re waiting for?

— Said don’t answer it, only God damned thing I ever…

— Man those must have been some dance lessons, like I mean if you hate it man how can you do it.

— Can’t! told you only God damned thing I ever…

— What man ever what… her hand came down from the flexed knee scratching — I mean that’s like I always said I’ll be this model you know? Like I used to read all these dumb comic books like Millie the Model when I’m like ten and I mean I already have these little dippeldutters like her up in that picture so I’m going to grow up and be this big model you know? Like if I can’t be it I’m nothing, I mean I break my ass so like finally I’m out looking and they tell me my nose shadows wrong and my tits are too big and I mean I really came down man, I mean I’m really nothing, only like there’s always like somebody crowding me up trying to slip it in you know? I mean I even meet this big model that’s like going to help me out and I mean she’s climbing on too and I’m finally thinking like wow, like I mean which one is real, I mean like I changed and this big idea from when I’m like ten didn’t change and it’s still hanging me up, you know…? her hand dropped to scratch the dry mound, — like I mean I’m the one that ought to write this book, you know?

— Ought to teach too… he caught his struggle for the cup, reared back with it on line with her fallen knee — lecture like wow which one is real get to give neoplatonism whole God damned rebirth start a little school…

— Man like you think you’re kidding I mean I wouldn’t hand them any bullshit, I mean you can ask my friends man.

— Little book you and your friends call it Old Foes With New Faeces sell a million…

— No look man cut the bullshit I mean this book I could write like if it sells a million of it I mean that means it’s good, right? Like I mean I could write this book people would read, man… the scratching slowed from palliative to ruminative — like without all these phony big words you use I mean like, I’d communicate…

— Try that God damned Christians strip you naked tear you up with oyster shells take your Christ! he blew back into the cup, dropped it empty into Won’t Burn, Smoke or Smell dredging pages up with his foot — give you a title small words mint condition how’s that, Agapē Agape never used how’s that.

— Man like I mean I just said who wants your fucking title if nobody even knows what it means… the flexed knee sagged, — I mean look man do you want to ball?

— Drop that knee little further everybody know what it means, picture on the jacket Taine write your jacket blurb sell a million…

— Look, I mean do you?

— Told you I’m, why…

— Why, I mean like what else is there to do… her scratching fingers stilled, — I mean there’s nothing else to eat there’s nothing to even smoke so like you’re going to sit here reading this dirty book you wrote in the moonlight?

— Told you too late no, fairies spent it.

— What fairies man! she came forward to punch the punctured shade into light — I mean look, do you want to make it with me or not.

— Told you too God damned late didn’t I! Why agapē’s agape little bastards up there spent it didn’t I?

— Man like forget it… she’d undone the shirt’s button sinking back, dug in its pocket — I mean those must be some fairies.

— Didn’t mean just meant…

— I mean forget it!

— Just meant something just, just trying to hold onto something just…

— Like go hold onto it then! She sifted out a fold of white paper, stretching back — I mean go hold onto your Tootsie Roll man like I mean you’re going to end up…

— Didn’t, end up… he braced an elbow, got his feet closer — sniff what I think you’re sniffing wake up with a bloody nose…

— Man like doesn’t everybody? I mean gluing that quarter out there typing this great book with no paper in the fucking typewriter I mean you’re, you’re going to wake up like Schramm coming up the…

— What… he steadied against Thomas Register coming up — what, coming up what…

— Like you don’t want to know, man.

— What coming up what…

— Man you don’t want to know! watch your, I mean if you make me spill this…

— Wait wait listen… he tripped against Hoppin’ With Flavor! — don’t move listen…

— I hear it man it’s the fucking telephone I mean go answer it.

— Told you wrong number listen!

— Look man the phone’s not up there it’s in the other…

— Quick toward the window move you’re the aerial listen…! Tonic Water Twist Cap capsized into Won’t Burn, Smoke or Smell as he gained the plateau of Musical Couriers — little further listen!