William Gaddis - J R

— Hell did he go, he muttered coming down carefully, pulling a bundle close and the string off it, — Raindance where the hell did he go… turning pages, gradually subsiding in fragments of chorus — kommen in der vindows… he turned pages, pulled more from the heap, — God damned purple crayon, schluss die vindows… and more pages, — Tom? have some music in here, God damned tumescent purple baritone container smashed on the God damned sidewalk… more pages, he invaded the next bundle, — schluss die God damned words waiting for him in the morning didn’t know if the girl was alive and he was dead if they both were alive or both were dead… his foot began to tap, — he was alive then the milkman wasn’t… and he hunched abruptly, turning pages, foot tapping heavily, — when, you’re alone, in the middle of the bed, and you wake, like some, one hit you on the…

— Jack what the hell is going on in there.

— God damned thing Tom find Raindance and Mister Fred… he turned pages, foot starting again and his free hand thumping the offbeat, — cream, of a nightmare dream, and you’ve got, the hoo ha’s, coming to you. Hoo hoo…

— Well God damn it can you shut up so I can sleep?

— Right with you Tom, Tom? Remembered get Grynszpan to that God damned parade Soldiers Field costumes for all… and he hunched to a whisper, pages sweeping under his hand until, — Hoo ha how’s that, God damn it how’s that. Raindance by seven lengths God damn it how’s that, Tom? Raindance by seven lengths how’s that… He tore at the next bundle, — stuff make you God damned sick… turning pages, sweeping papers aside, — Tom? hell did he go… pulling more from the heap, — hell did he go Mister Fred taste like apricots… until, abruptly, he came forward, gained his feet teeming in one direction and back grabbing the chair — God damned sick, Tom…? God damned profound question regular person, Tom? Schramm God damned regular person get him in Arlington name rank serial number biggest God damned tombstone in Arlington how’s that, name rank serial number carve in granite believing and shitting two very different things how’s that… He tipped toward the door held back by his hand gripping the chair, tipped to a crunch underfoot and kicked aside the sea of paper, — Tom? Found Baby Jeeter… and he caught the back of the chair with both hands, — Tom know what I’d like to do Tom…? Go right up to the God damned sky disappear, come down like the, like the… and he pitched abruptly over the open suitcase in a rush that left him heaving, another, clinging there until he could free a hand to find a dry sock and wipe his mouth, another, bringing the sock up again, clinging there till he could drop the sock in and free both hands to bring the suitcase closed, snap one of its locks and, as intently, the other before he fell back on the low bed, flung out there still as a man cast up by the sea when light caught the window and slowly gave it definition, finally filled it leaving the overhead a yellowed pall and the buildings wide across the way in the sunlight undulant through the cheap glass pane like a part of a submarine landscape.

— Jack…!

— What…?

— I just woke up I’m late, I’ve got to get up to God what a mess, look clean up these newspapers before you go will you? I’ve got to get right up to the office.

— No wait, wait…

— I can’t I have to get to the office, look clean up these papers before you leave will you? he said in the door there pulling a tie under his collar, — and Jack do something about your throat before you…

— Wait just wait a minute what time is it, look I have to get out to the track Tom leave me ten can you? twenty?

— Ten… he came down the hall pulling on a jacket, — leaving it here by the dishrack and Jack? He pulled the door open, — make sure this locks when you leave?

— Wait wait twenty, can’t leave twenty? Listen this double today’s the surest thing I ever had wait, damn it need a shirt, where the shirts I brought down from Schramm’s…

— You didn’t bring them… he held the door with his foot to reach in and drop another ten by the dishrack, — shirts in that suitcase right there on the chair Jack, haven’t even unpacked it… and he pulled the door closed behind him, paused in a turn for the elevator and then made for the stairs and down them two, three at a time and out, fingers parting his teeth in a shrill whistle, and he slumped in the back of the cab tying his tie, finally got the last of his shirt buttoned as their swoop to the curb threatened to pin the dapper haste of a chauffeur against the Z S number tag on the limousine throbbing ahead, and his own leap to the sidewalk ended abruptly against a policeman.

— Just slow down buddy.

— That’s not him.

— Okay buddy move along.

— What do you mean move along, I want to get into the building and you’re standing right in the…

— Just slow down buddy, slow down…

Beyond them a furred croup of ursine magnitude emerged from the cavernous shelter of the limousine. — Look what the hell is…

— Just move along I said.

He caught the glass weight of the outside door without a look back, caught a rise and fall of yellow skirting another stolid mass of blue toward the elevators, called — Carol…?

— Oh Mister Eigen good morning… arms full, she stayed the elevator door with a hip, — you back?

Reaching across her for the button he muttered — Yes don’t tell anybody, rising to Begin the Beguine.

— Oh Mister Eigen you’re always so satirical.

— Listen just tell me what’s all the…

— It’s all this plant food, she said breasting the bundles as the door slid open, — Miss Flesch sent me out for all this plant food. Coming? She had the door with a hip.

— Wait it’s the wrong floor it, wait… he stepped out behind her, — that painting, the big painting that was there…

— Oh you missed all the excitement Mister Eigen, right after you left they took it down, you know? And this crazy man came in yelling at everybody where was it? He was bigger than you, we had the police here and everything, they even said he threw a typewriter at Mister Beaton.

— Is that what all those police are down there for now? he came up beside her down the corridor.

— And they even have these private detectives that come in every day, like that one with the hat by the elevators? I think they have this board meeting this morning and they’re scared he’ll come back, he looked like he didn’t shave for a month. Miss Flesch said he’s psychiatrically unbalanced but he really acted crazy, you know?

— Yes just, Carol wait listen this woman this, this Miss Flesch, is she here? I mean, she’s been hired?

— Yes didn’t you meet her Mister Eigen? When she first…

— Yes I met her, I… he’d paused at an opened door, — where’s Mister Davidoff.

— I don’t know he didn’t come in today Mister Eigen, like he didn’t come in almost since you left, oh and Miss Flesch wants to see you but there’s somebody in there with her now, this same man that got mugged in the…

— Yes all right Carol, thanks… He’d reached his own door and paused outside it, staring at the dirt rowed in conical heaps the length of the desk there. — Good morning Florence, what…

— Oh good morning Mister Eigen, are you back? She half turned, over a shoulder — Miss Flesch just wanted me to repot these plants… she wiped her hands on a cloth and reached over the dirt heaps for the ringing phone — I think she wants to see you when you come in but, hello…? Yes he is, just a minute…

He got in to his own cleared desk, got the phone, — Hello? Jack…? No by the dishrack in the kitchen, I put two tens right there by the dishrack, listen… Yes I know you do but listen, Schepperman’s off again, that big painting here of his I told you about, he came in here while I was away and… No the one I told you about last night, the mural size thing of his they had out here in the lobby, they took it down and… I did tell you about it last night but look that’s not the point, he came in here and really raised hell when he didn’t see it and this place here lis like an armed camp, if he shows up here again they… No just to find him and keep him out of trouble, I’m going to tour the White Roses as soon as I can get out of here and, just a second, Carol?