William Gaddis - J R

— Problem worst God damned thing you could have said Tom, hold things together for David worst God damned insult you could hand her, point whole God damned point wouldn’t take her seriously her way she’ll find another way, hand her a weapon like that she’ll find a way to make you God damned stuff need ice. Can’t get it down without ice just have to get used to it, God damned Irish won’t have it with the mouse won’t have it without the mouse same God damned thing just get used to it Tom…

— Damn it listen get used to, have to ask permission to see my own son if you think I’ll get used to…

— Worst God damned thing never get used to the worst God damned thing leaving, stand there on the God damned street corner two hours visitation rights is up pretend you have to leave, no place to go God damned wind blowing pretend you have to leave she knows God damned well I don’t have to leave thinks I want to, can’t explain a God damned family court order two hours is up stands there waving thinks I want to leave her on that God damned street corner drugstore sign in the God damned window Surgical Appliances for the Whole Family… he was almost to his feet, steadied against the door frame, — no God damned place to go stands there waving pretend you have to leave, always wanted to get a look at that family…

— Wait damn it Jack you’ve got a shirt caught on your…

— Just got to get ice… he kicked, got into the hall, — can’t get it down without ice… and he made the corner to the kitchen, banging the ice tray against the sink when the doorbell rang, — minute God damn it… He got there and pulled it open, looked down — what…

— Hi is Mrs Eigen here?

— All out of them.

— Oh, then would, would you like to buy some greeting cards then?

— Tom got a boy here selling greeting cards, what grade are you in.

— Six M, Mrs Manzinel…

— Tom boy out here working his way through six N selling greeting cards. What’s the greetings.

— Well see these are all occasion cards, like for all different occasions they’re all…

— All occasion cards Tom, got them for all different occasions.

— Like birthday, anniversary, you know all these different occasions like…

— Got a friend jumped out a window, got a card for that?

— Well gee I, maybe get well…

— Can’t get well, went home and hung himself got a card for that?

— Well gee I, I don’t think so but maybe you could…

— Got a woman on alimony sleeping with a book salesman hell of an occasion, got a card for that?

— Well gee I, like here’s sympathy maybe you could…

— Jack God damn it what are you, hello Chris what is it.

— Oh hi Mister Eigen I, I was just selling these greeting cards…

— Says they’re for all occasions Tom but every God damned occasion I can think of is…

— Jack shut up will you? Chris lives upstairs he’s, how much Chris.

— Well see they’re two dollars a box but like for five dollars you get three and you get this free premium of these flower seeds…

— All right I, I’ll take the five dollar one Chris…

— Let him finish Tom wants to earn his…

— Here Chris and, wait look…

— Gee Mister Eigen thank…

— God damn it didn’t let him finish Tom, didn’t tell us what kind of flower seeds he…

— I just don’t really need the cards or the seeds right now though Chris I, maybe you can take them along and sell them again, come back to see me… he got the door closed, — God damn it Jack talk like that to a poor kid who…

— Hell do you mean poor know what the markup on those God damned cards is? Making more money than I am but God damn it Tom wants to think he’s earning it, do that you’re taking away his whole God damned professional pride undermine the whole God damned free enter…

— Just forget it! Will you, get your ice?

— Got ice Tom can’t forget it listen, God damned problem you see David every God damned boy you look at see David can’t do that Tom, give him five dollars think you’re helping birthday anniversary some real God damned occasion hits him he doesn’t know where the hell he…

— Look damn it you’re dropping ice all over the…

— Tripped on these God damned newspapers thought you were sending them all up to…

— Damn it they’re the ones you just brought down here! What the hell do you think I…

— Wait, wait damned near forgot wait, Raindance and need a pencil, wait get this one…

— Get you a pencil… he dragged a bundle ahead, — some in my workroom… he reached in, got the light.

— Can’t spread them out in here Tom, need room to spread them out.

— Jack damn it you can’t spread them out in here, I’m just trying to find a pencil… he rummaged around the typewriter among papers and paperclips, a sheep with one leg gone, a red mitten, a broken music box, marionette in a tangle of strings, car with no wheels, Piglet torn from his base, a clock with one hand pointing the minute and an arm from a stuffed bear, an arm lofting a bugle, an armless headless soldier, marching, — never find one God damn pencil…

— Got to move the hell out Tom little furnished room with a hot plate, looks like the God damned dawn of the world in here necks without heads arms seeking shoulders, only God damned person live here’s Empedocles…

— Well damn it I, don’t you think I… he came down against the chair drawn up to the typewriter, — writer who can’t even find a pencil, God damn instinct for the jugular told me the reason I don’t finish it I’m afraid to compete with myself, terrible slowness of things in a dream… and he tore the page from the typewriter. — They wheeled, I fired, and they were gone, but there on the ground with a broken damn it Jack do you know how many times I’ve written that? rewritten that? Marries a writer like a politician wants him to win, she thinks you’re in some God damn competition running for something, one God damn person take your doubts to lay them in her lap and she…

— Just told you Tom worst God damned thing you can do, bunch of God damned open wounds lay them in her lap what the hell do you expect. First time she has to get the God damned knives out she can’t resist them, laid them all out for her she knows right where they are can’t resist them, in here think you’re writing a play characters come out of your typewriter what the hell you expect them to look like all those God damned knives going on around you, bunch of God damned arms wandering around bereft of shoulders right out of Empedocles hell do you expect. God damned knives going around she’s standing at the sink in the kitchen man down there no hands no ears no God damned face drinks pints easier to hold between his wrist stumps, she’s standing at the sink has to get the God damned knives out knows right where they go what the hell do you expect…

— All right but, look damn it don’t untie those papers in here…

— Point God damned point only audience sit through it’s Empedocles, shambling creatures with countless hands eyes wandering around looking for a God damned forehead parts joining up all wrong make a hell of a musical just telling Bast, nice operetta twenty or thirty up there in the God damned nest eating oats and corn everything down below joining up all wrong God damned commotion, heads swell up out of the nest give us a few bars from Traviata little opening chorus cinco Jones in there how’s that, little Hexenritt from Hansel and Gretel God damned witch comes on…

— Jack listen damn it just, help me get these papers into David’s room… he’d dragged a bundle to a door pushed open on darkness, got the light, — go through them in here…