William Gaddis - J R

— Don’t show up Tom only God damned thing tomorrow Raindance and Mister Fred have to show up, said you’d get me a pencil…

— All right just, wait see what the hell she left… he pulled open a closet, suddenly sniffed deeply and cleared his throat dragging a shoe box out with his foot, — crayon, give you a purple crayon…

— Don’t want a God damned purple crayon want a God damned pencil.

— Give you pink, God damn it how did she leave that, left his crèche here how did she leave that.

— Don’t want a God damned crèche just want a God damned pencil.

— Look you can have a God damn purple crayon or a God damn pink crayon, if you…

— Take God damned purple.

— Here… he came down next to a foot on the end of the low bed, caught a hand over his eyes — God, damn it Jack how do you, how do you get through Christmas…

— Kindly God damned family court judge fix it up for you Tom best God damned thing fool him, be Jewish get through Hanukkah fool him.

— No but how do you, Jack he used to set this up by the window there the whole damn thing he called it, he, he thought it was called Baby Jeeter and the Three Wide Men he…

— Can’t get through it Tom just get through it worst God damned thing just get through it, kindly family court judge gives you visiting privilege deliver whole God damned bag of presents have to leave, God damned street corner waving goodbye God damned wind blowing knows God damned well no God damned place to go stands there waving God damned street corner drugstore surgical appliances for the whole God damned family…

— God damn instinct for the jugular she told me I…

— Wait wait listen Tom listen, idea make a million dollars God damn it listen. Invent a God damned parlor game where’s the bottle listen, game about divorce sweep the God damned country parlor game call it Divorce how’s that. Every God damned married couple young and old alike sublimate their God damned can’t stand each other can’t afford to split buy the God damned game for ten dollars sublimate their God damned divorce game call it Split make a million dollars how’s that.

— I ever tell you David asked me once if Jesus ever, wait damn it be careful…

— No no just want to show you look, throw the dice little figure moves around the board take your choice pay your money just like real life look… a tall figure from the crèche pranced over The Morning Telegraph between his fingers — look, land on little God damned squares tell you what to do go to court, have to draw a God damned card tells you pay orthodontist two thousand dollars just like real life look… and the remaining members of the crèche joined in pursuit across Aztec Queen $19.40 Scores by 3 Lengths at Hialeah, — God damned support alimony cash, house, cars boat dog kids wife tries to get everything just like real life how’s that…

— Jack damn it I don’t want those broken, I ever tell you David asked me once if Jesus grew up to be an Indian?

— Wait God damn it goes here… the smallest figure was thrust swaddled from Big A to Yonkers Entries, — land here get custody of the kid one turn just like real life whole now generation God damned young couples sweep the God damned country, go to court draw God damned card says pay wife’s back psychiatrist bills twelve hundred dollars wife passes go collects alimony… the only seated, only female figure was shoved arms spread in wild surmise to join a lofty black on Cocky Jane Runs Second on Coast, — lands here caught in motel getting laid loses custody two turns, game for two to four couples play just like real life sweep the God damned country how’s that.

— Damn it Jack let me put these away before you…

— Didn’t finish the God damned game my turn land here have to draw God damned card… paper tore, RAPH streamed through the air — says pay wife’s lawyer two thousand dollars just like real wait what the hell are you doing…

— Put them back in the box Jack I don’t want anything to…

— No no your turn wait God damn it Tom, can’t play the God damned game have to invent it first sweep the God damned country look, land on this square says Bar… a figure bearing myrrh was swept to Results at Pimlico, — says buy drinks all round pay fifty dollars just like real God damn looks like Schepperman…

— Damn it just give it to me…

— God damned game just like real life stop on White Rose bar there’s Schepperman can’t help him Tom, woke up sitting on a God damned bench in Central Park one morning God damned lady’s shoe in his hand didn’t know where he’d been can’t help him Tom…

— Just give me it Jack and, and damn it where’s the little one.

— Sorry my turn? Draw a God damned card… paper tore, — buy surgical appliances for the whole God damned family pay one thousand dollars go to jail just like real life how’s that.

— Look just shut up and help me find the other piece, the little Baby Jesus piece damn it.

— Thought you said Baby Jetter Tom stuff really make you sick, game call it Baby Jetter whole God damned family in surgical appliances make a million dollars sweep the country really make you God damned sick, your turn. Where the hell all the pieces go.

— I put them away God damn it look move your leg, where’s the little one…

— Where’s the little one got away Tom thought you just said Baby Jetter…

— Jeeter God damn it I said Jeeter, David used to call them Baby Jeeter and the Three Wide Men now God damn it will you get up so I can find it?

— Try to Tom, thought you said he grew up to be an Indian.

— No damn it that was just, I was just trying to explain once to David about the cruci, look Jack if you want to stand up get your feet down first, crucifixion, he asked me if Jesus was a regular person and damn it look out, you’re going to…

— God damned profound question regular person Tom, whole God damned Council of Nicaea taste like apricots make you…

— Jack look if you’re going to be sick don’t, look get away from the bed, bathroom’s end of the hall…

— God damned heresy Tom regular person hell do you think they banished Arius to Illyricum for… he was getting down the hall at an angle to the wall, — whole God damned problem Council of Nicaea give Baby Jeeter like substance taste like apricots… the light came on as his shoulder caught it struggling upright, — thanks, glass of water… he made the basin, pulled the medicine cabinet open to sweep the mirrored image away, — Tom…?

— What.

— God damned drugstore Tom, Mrs Eigen two every four hours, Mrs Eigen one every two hours if headache persists, Mrs Eigen one every three hours but no more than God damned drugstore in here, Tom?

— What.

— Regular God damned drugstore in here caps off toothpaste every God damned coathanger, hell she did to that coathanger… and he caught himself steadied at the water closet in a dry heave, staring down. — Tom…?

— What.

— Got to see this Tom.

— What.

— Said she didn’t leave any message for you got to see this.

— What.

— Message for you can’t bring it have to come read it yourself, Tom? God damned message for you left it where you couldn’t miss it kiss goodbye.

— What?

— Kiss God damned goodbye I said…! he lurched, caught the handle and the water swirled the imprint of thin lips slightly parted in a lipstick blot on the square of tissue and drew it down, a hand of his came up to touch his lips and fell, — hell I come in here for… he made the hall, — Tom…?

— Went to bed Jack.

— Hell did he go… he reached the lighted door, reached for the low bed. — Tom?

— I went to bed, just want to wipe the whole damn thing out till tomorrow.