William Gaddis - The Recognitions

The man in the deck chair mastered a liquid swallow, and heaved slightly fixing his eyes on The Everlasting Mercy, reading under his breath in precise gasps, — Chra-hist, the laughter of hu-ho-white birds flying. .

— A light! A light! Sail on, sail on. The son of a bitch knew where he was going all the time.

Stanley woke to cold hands opening his pants from behind, and lay there with his eyes wide open for a moment as the fingers became more intimate.

From somewhere, there came music. It was the tango, Jealousy.

Then he almost leaped out of the bed. — What are you. . who are you? he cried, turning on the woman in white. She had a generous Scandinavian face. — Now wait, now wait,now wait. .

— Now you lie down, she said. — You just lie down. I want to give you this suppository, sonny.

— This what? He stared at the cone between her fingers. It was Nembutal sodium in a cocoa-butter base. Then he stared at her. She smiled, and got his shoulder in a bone-breaking grip. Then he looked round him. The place was rocking gently. — I'm in the ship hospital? he asked. Then he looked at his wrist and said, — Who stole my watch?

— You'll be all right, now you just roll over and let me give you this suppository…

— Get me out of this bed, he burst out.

— You have to stay in bed for a little while longer. .

— No but not this bed, not this bed. . look all the other beds are empty, put me in another one, put me in that bed but not this bed…

With a pleasant smile and a turn of her wrist, she spun him round and his face went into the pillow. — But you. . can't you. . wait. .

— Just relax the buttocks now… tha-at's it…

— But can't you. . ummp!

— That will help you rest, sonny.

— But I don't want to rest. You can't just keep me here. Where's my watch? What day is it? And where. . where is she?

The woman looked concerned for the first time, and she said, — Now we mustn't start that again, must we.

— Start. . what again?

A waiter entered and started to approach with some food on a tray. Then he saw Stanley was sitting up, with eyes wide open. He put the tray down a safe distance away, and said, — Coraggio. .

— Now what was that? Stanley demanded as the waiter got out the door.

— He's the one who saved you from jumping over the side.

Stanley lay back slowly. — The side of what? he murmured, but she did not hear him. She was busy unmaking a bed. Spots of sun danced brokenly off the ceiling and down one wall. Stanley's head came back to rest against a metal bar of the bed. — But no… why would I… he commenced, raising a hand to his face. He touched his cheek, then his chin, pulled his hand away and stared at it, then began to rub his chin again. It was rough with stubble. — But how long have I… how long have I been here?

— Lie back and don't try to remember everything now, sonny boy, said the woman in white. — Lie back and get some sleep. She emptied a pillowcase briskly.

— But I do, I remember everything. I remember everything perfectly. Everything except. . except that, if I did that, but I… I wouldn't do that. No!. . He came up on his elbows again, — No it wasn't me that tried it, it was her, don't you remember? But wait, listen, first put me into another bed, I can't stay in this bed. Any of the other beds, they're all empty and it doesn't matter but. . Then he stopped. There was someone two beds away from him. A face, clean-shaven but weary looking, rested on a doubled-up hand, the elbow dug into the pillow, watching him with patient curiosity. The covers were pulled up over the head, so that only the face showed. — What do you think I am, a seagull?

— Oh no, I'm. . I'm sorry, I didn't see you, I hope I didn't disturb you but I… I didn't see you.

— That's all right, chum. I been listening to you for a long time now, I'm used to it. Have a swat at this? A bottle appeared, from under the pillow.

— Oh no, no thank you, no but listen…

— Play cards?

— No but listen, what do you mean you've been listening to me for a long time?

— Right up until you were excommunicated, since then you been real quiet, you know?

— Since I was what?

— You got excommunicated, right up at the high altar with a bishop and twelve priests, don't you remember? It sounded pretty swell, all of them carrying lighted candles and talking Latin, you know? And then they all shouted Fiat! Fiat! Fiat! and threw their candles down. And then she gave you a shot.

— Who? Stanley asked helplessly.

— That squarehead. She's got a nice ass, hasn't she.

The woman in white was approaching again from the far end, carrying some linen. She stopped to put the tray in front of the man two beds away, and smiled threateningly at Stanley, who sank back. — It sounds like you were in trouble with some dame, said his neighbor, trying the mashed potatoes with his finger. — Just tell me one thing, will you? Who the hell is Saint Mary of Egypt?

— Why she. . that's when I came down and found her in front of the mirror making up her face with make-up and lipstick and everything, and black around her eyes, and she had those streaks on her face, from the poison, I mean that's what she said, from the poison the black androgyne, I mean that's what she called Father Martin, the poison Father Martin put on him and it came off on her but only on her face. Because she said, See? and pulled up her dress to show me her… to show there weren't any marks on her. . anywhere else on her body.

— You mean on her snatch?

— I mean then she said, This was covered when she lay with him, for he was poisoned here and so he died, but she shall not. That's what she said and then she said we're going to the Holy Land and she's going to be Saint Mary of Egypt going to the Holy Land on the boat.

His neighbor looked at him a moment longer, and then started to eat, saying — Thanks, through the first mouthful. — That clears up everything.

— And talking. . Stanley mumbled, looking down with a fixed stare, — about the beast with two backs, he mumbled to himself, — about. . making the beast with two backs.

It was quiet for a minute, except for the sounds of his neighbor's eating, and the distant radio playing something Italian. Then the blond woman loomed over him, and Stanley jumped as though she were going to strike him.

— Now you just lie back and try to get some rest, sonny boy. Don't try and remember everything.

— But I do, Stanley whispered desperately, — I remember, I… because all that time I repeated the Angelic Salutation and then I repeated the Apostles' Creed, and those beads were rolling all over the floor and the. . the crucifix was… I couldn't hold it because. . and then Father Martin came, you can ask him, he came in, that fat woman must have sent him because he came in and he put a hand on me and said something, and she was laughing. And I said thank God you've come Father she needs you and he just looked at me and she kept laughing. She called him a funny old hermaphro-ditic and asked him if he could relieve a possessed camel like Saint Hilarion did once. And then he held up his crucifix and she changed all of a sudden and said, Take him away he's hurting her, and she spat at him. But he kept looking at me, and he had his hand on me and I said, Do something for her, Father, I kept saying that, but he didn't pay any attention to her. He sprinkled some plain water around and nothing happened and then he sprinkled some holy water around and she started to cry then and she said her shoulder hurt her.

Stanley shivered, and stopped speaking. The woman in white had turned away, and was walking with a firm silent tread toward the other end of the place, down the aisle of beds. The man two beds away spilled the last forkful of his lunch in his lap, and swore.