William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— Me? Oh, but they always told me that these things you inherit go from father to daughter, from mother to son like Bobbie had this nice head of hair, only Daddy was bald ever since I remember and Mama…

— Before you carry this too far Lily, Oscar is simply my step brother, I'm not his sister or his half sister either.

— Oh. I thought they're the same, he…

— Well thank God they're not, you talk about a nice head of hair if his gets any longer he can wear it in braids and stick in a couple of eagle feathers, the wealthy recluse on the family estate sitting here gaping out at the Big-Sea-Water while his father sits down there and lays down the law, of course he doesn't dare call him up, or put on his magic mittens and write him a letter.

— But maybe he'll just forgive and forget? Like Daddy, when Daddy knows how sorry I am that I did these things I shouldn't have done? and these things he thought I should do and I didn't? That it was all my fault, these mistakes I made and how sorry I am that I got him upset and I don't deserve him to pity me, and I can ask Mama to talk to him and help me out because I know deep down how he loves me and always wanted me to have the best so he won't stay mad at me, he'll forgive and forget and…

— You've made your point, but I think you should know that your mealymouthed Daddy and Oscar's father are about as alike as night and day, and the day Judge Crease forgives and forgets you'll know the moon is made of green cheese. Yes and write down cheese, let's get this over with before it rains. I thought we might try veal.

— Oscar liked the chicken the way we had it.

— Well he's always been fond of veal, we haven't had it in an age, Oscar? We'll have to have some wampum if you, my God now where has he gone. Sitting here pretending to read a book while we're in the midst of talking to him, the minute he hears me mention money he disappears while we're waiting on him hand and foot, you won't be warm enough in that. There's a jacket of mine you'd better slip on, it's a sort of grey tweed right there in the hall and bring my raincoat while you're at it. And you have the list? when they got outside, and then once in the car — drop me at the drugstore while you're getting gas, as they swerved up the ruts in the driveway — and for God's sake, will you please tell them to wash the windshield? If we're going to be killed I'd like to see what hits us, will you meet me right there in the grocery? Back by the fruits and vegetables, — mushrooms, while I'm finding those you can look for some heavy cream, just a small one, it goes bad so quickly with only the three of us.

— But what about Harry?

— What about Harry.

— But I thought, so we wouldn't have to go right out shopping again, I thought he might show up any minute.

— What in God's name made you think that.

— But you, back when he called? about how he was exhausted and taking that Nembutal? How he had to be in court and I thought you said well it can't go on forever, that he'll come out here for a rest when it's done?

— Well why on earth did you think that was Harry.

— Just if you weren't on the warpath with him anymore and…

— I'll tell you when I'm not on the warpath! I haven't heard a thing since the day he drove out of here after that disgraceful performance, I wouldn't think of calling his office with that ninny of a secretary he's got she'll say anything he tells her to, leaving calls on our answering machine I don't even know if he ever gets home. God knows he's exhausted but he'd never take Nembutal, he'd pour a drink instead no, that was for a dog.

— I didn't know you had one. You want me to carry that?

— A dog? My God no, here, you can carry both these bags out to the car. That was an old girlfriend I went to school with, she bought a snaggletoothed little Lhasa apso and has to hide the Nembutal in the pâté she gives it because it's simply driving her crazy. She forgets it's there and keeps stepping on it when she doesn't look where she's going and she hadn't slept for days since her daughter's breakdown, people calling her night and day to be of help and she thought she could get some rest out here but she may have forgotten it the minute she hung up, she's been in court constantly over her mother's will and that kind of thing can go on forever. You're sure you don't want me to drive?

— No, it's tricky sometimes just once it gets started. They said it needs a new alternator.

— Well I'm sure Oscar can help you with that.

— All he said was how much would it cost.

— He's always been quite careful with money, he hasn't changed since he was ten, digging under the furniture cushions for change that had slipped out of Father's pockets. We thought he'd be a lawyer when he grew up, that he was constantly reading those law books in the library but sometimes Father would use a dollar bill for a bookmark, or even a five, and that's what Oscar was looking for.

— From what I saw of lawyers that's all any of them's looking for, that and a little tail if you pardon the expression when you never suspect it, as they finally drew off the highway down a road, down a byroad and through the gate past STRANGERS REQUESTED NOT TO ENTER — you never know what somebody will do.

— My God Lily, as the car slid down the ruts of the driveway, — people will do anything.

— Look! as they turned in toward the veranda — there he is, this Mister Boatwright, I told you, see him in there? where he's barely walking all bent over? Didn't I tell you? he's…

— My God! Stop the car! it's…

— It's this old plumber, it's this Mister Boatwright I told you before when I saw him in there walking across the…

— It's, it's not Mister anybody it's, look at him! It's Oscar! Well what are you stopping for! hurry! and she was out of the car, through the rain running up the wet steps of the veranda to tug at the doors — Oscar! What's going on!

— Damn.

— Here take my arm before you, look out!

— Let me go I said!

— Can you, simply tell me? she'd sunk to the edge of the nearest chair — what, in God's name, is going on?

— What does it look like's going on!

— Well it's, look at it! Where are you going? Will you, my God Lily don't squeal like that! Made my blood run cold just, just put down the groceries and help me pick up this mess will you? Oscar? will you tell me what these papers are doing all over the floor? and where you think you're going with your be careful! Is it empty? on her feet again, — is this what you…

— Give me that!

— It's empty! it's, my God Oscar. My God. Leave you alone for ten minutes you open a bottle of your Pinot Grigio up running around the room like a, will you sit down! You're making me dizzy, is this what you've been doing? let us wait on you hand and foot and the minute we're out of sight you're up staggering around the room like a, will you tell me what this is all about?

— I called him.

— Who.

— Well who do you think?

— Oscar I'm not going to play games with you as though you were ten jumping out from behind the door, just answer me. You called who.

— Father.

— And that's why you're running around waving a bottle flinging books and papers all over the floor? Is this what you've, I asked you to sit down! I can't talk to you while you're, Lily why are you just sitting there. Can't you make yourself useful?

— But I thought…

— That's the one thing you didn't do. Mister Boatwright, my God, reeling around waving a bottle like a two year old learning to walk when nobody's watching, is that what this ridiculous performance is all about Oscar? What did he say.

— Well you do, you do have to learn to walk again, first time you stand up it's like a bed of nails, like walking on broken glass.