James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

He said that to my maw but really it was his girlfriend because it was Friday night and he just wanted to go with her. I knew it. He did not think I knew but I did. Her maw and da let him into the house. He could sit in and he got a cup of tea, that was him and his girlfriend. She was in his school so it was trains there and back. On Friday night I always got the room to myself.

But some of the boys went to Bible Class. They said if ye did they would let ye in the BB sooner, if ye were still just eleven. My maw wanted me to go there. I went and then I stopped. Billy MacGregor had started going. My maw liked Billy because his maw and da went to Church and acted posh. But I did not want to go to Bible Class. The man that took it was mad. We all knew it. If it was for the BB I would go. It was in the new Church.

My maw wanted to go to Sunday Service with all the grown-ups but my da did not. She would not go without him. Sunday is a long-lie, he said.

Oh but Johnnie it would be nice to go to Church.

But it is the one day of the week.

Well what about me? said my maw.

Oh do I no deserve one long lie?

I deserve something too.

Oh if it is Sunday breakfast, I always make it for ye.

That was my da. He done the breakfast. But nobody wanted him to because it was how he just moaned all the time, it was just moan moan moan, and ye had to eat the breakfast even if ye did not feel like it, so if ye left something on yer plate, ye had to say an excuse. Oh sorry, I am full up.

Somebody does not like my cooking.

Oh dad it was good.

Well why are ye leaving it?

I am just full up.

You are the first man I ever saw that left a sausage on his plate. Maybe I burnt it.

No it was good.

But sometimes he just laughed. My da made jokes if Matt was not there. Matt went out on Sunday mornings and did not wait for breakfast. Where did he go? He did not tell us. Oh I am seeing my pals. He took stuff with him in a bag to play five-a-sides with his pals in school. He said that. Maybe he did not. He was quite good at football but no very good. He was good at other stuff But no at everything. I did not care if he was anyway. But he did not play for the school team. Best players did. So if he really was good how come he did not play for it? I did not say it to him. It was just really snobby at his school. They all were posh. One time Matt said it to me, Oh it is just a bunch of blasted snobs.

Are they all rich? I said. Eh Matt?

But he did not tell me. Matt only done it when he wanted. His books and jotters were there but just scattered about. One thing he done was a foreign language, Latin, I looked at his book when he was in the bathroom. Now he was just lying on the bed with his hands behind his head, looking out the window.

My da said it to my maw. Oh I think he has got a girlfriend. Have you got one too? He said that to me and was laughing.

But I quite wanted one. I liked two lasses in my class. One was Rona Craig but she liked Billy MacGregor. Him and Peter Wylie went with lasses. Billy was better than me at football. Another lassie was Julie Michaels. One time a teacher came to give us PE. We all thought it was games to get but it was dancing for the school party and it was Scottish Dancing, all just hooching and shouting, but it was a good laugh. Ye were to say girls instead of lasses. Julie Michaels came and got me for a partner. She wore perfume and ye smelled it. She took yer hands and ye jumped up to the right then up to the left, one two three, and then back again. Then she took yer one hand and went round in a circle, hooch hooch hooch. It was just Scottish and hard to get right. Boys were jumping and laughing. Some lasses were angry and telling the teacher, Oh Miss he is kicking me, oh he is pushing me Miss.

The song was like Oh the Grand Old Duke of York but was for Scotland instead, people were saying the name. I forgot what it was. My maw was asking. She liked Scotland, Oh it is your history.

I did not talk to Julie and we were not looking, only if I did not do the dance right. She said what I was to do. Oh it is the other foot. But usually I could do it without her, except if it was too fast. I did not need her to tell me. That was Julie, she liked to boss people. Some lasses were fed up with her.

The boys were seeing who ye danced with. So were the lasses. It was a good laugh but and when we were out on the playground we all were talking about it.

It was funny seeing ones like Isabel Hartley and Sarah Wright. They were top of the class. Isabel was going to be a Dux. The teacher said it. She could be a Dux just now People all laughed at her, quack quack.

Sarah danced with Robert Wotherspoon. I saw her eyes looking up the way and she had a red face. It was funny seeing her dancing. She could do it good. She was bigger than Robert. Robert was alright. He lived near her. He liked football and lenned ye the ball if ye wanted a game. But he was no one of the boys. He had other pals. They did not do stuff, I did not go about with them. So if ye saw them, ye just nodded. Sometimes they spoke to you. Oh Smiddy are you joining the Lifies? Oh Smiddy are ye going to Bible Class? Oh Smiddy Mitch is looking for ye. But Mitch was not looking for ye. It did not matter about what they were saying. If ye said it to Mitch, Oh were ye looking for me? He did not know about it. These ones only said it to get in with ye. I did not talk to them much.

Lasses did not like if they were bigger than the boy. My da said it too. He laughed if he saw it out the window. Oh this is better than the telly. He saw people walking down the street. Oh look at him. Oh look at her. Oh see his baldy head! Oh look at the size of her, she is like the side of a house!

So if it was a wee man and a big woman. Oh look at the wee bloke with the big dame! Oh come here and see!

He got my maw to look. She did not like doing it. Oh Johnnie that is not nice. They are man and wife.

Oh she is twice the size of him. Look! Then he would be laughing and pointing at her. Look look!

If my maw was not there he wanted me to look or else Matt. Matt did not like it. My da said, How no? It is only a laugh.

What if people see ye?

Matt did not like people seeing him. But they would not see because we were the top flat. They would have to look up high. People did not, not when they were walking. That was how my da liked it. Matt did not. If my da done it he just went out the room. My da saw him doing it and looked at my maw or else just out the window.

Matt did not talk much. If he did not come home at teatime my da was wondering. Matt was the hungriest in the house. So if he was not there, my da was laughing. Oh he definitely has got a girlfriend.

He is just seeing his grandfather, my maw said, he will get his tea when he comes home.

But I knew it was a girlfriend. I said it to him when I went into the room. He was just lying on the bed. Have you got a girlfriend?

What are ye talking about?

Dad said ye have.

Dad says a lot.

He just said ye have one. So maybe even if ye went into her house.

Matt had his eyes closed and his hands clasped behind his head. So if he did not hear me. He did not talk much to me. Sometimes I wished he would but other times I did not care, he was not like a brother, if brothers were pals, he was not one. That was Matt, that was him, if he wanted he just done it. Even with my da. If my da said something. Maybe Matt would not do it. My da never hit him, he was too old. But he did not hit him when he was young either. No much anyway. But Matt did not do stuff. He used to but no now Usually he was just in the room and with his radio.

I said to him. Eh Matt, will I put on the radio?

No. But then he said, Aye.

So I put it on. It came on at a place he liked and it was good songs. Matt's eyes were shut but he was listening, I knew he was. Maybe if he was fed up swotting. It was just swotting, swot swot. That was all he done. It was horrible. The house had to be quiet all the time. Even my da. My maw said it to him too. Oh will you turn the telly down a wee bit.