James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

***

It was just how Matt was always there and swotting all the time. That was all he done and it was the bedroom, that was where he done it and ye were not to go in. Oh no. It was just your room but ye were not to go in it. Because he was going to college and everything was just to be for him. Oh do not put on the wireless if yer brother is studying, do not turn up the television. Oh it is ink-exercises, it is for his Latin. Oh Kieron if you are whistling, do not whistle too loud if your brother is studying.

I was just sick of it. I would have went to my grannie's except it was travelling all the time so it was more money and ye got home late. I went on Saturdays with my maw or else Sundays with my maw and my da. Matt usually went himself and done it straight from school. His school was near the river so he could just run down and that was him. But no with me. If I went straight from school I did not get to my grannie's house till quarter past five or else half past.

Coming home was worse because nighttime and no as many ferries and then if it was the train and ye missed one it took ages. People went and got a bus but no if ye had a return ticket on the train, ye did not have money for something else. Then if it was cold or it was raining, ye did not want to go, I could just have stayed. And ye got sleepy. Granda would tell me, Oh ye better away up the road son. Oh Vera I will take the boy down to the subway.

Oh no dad. My grannie said he was not to because he was too tired so she would take me instead.

In my grannie's house ye did not have to bother about stuff. I loved it. Her and granda did not watch much telly. But if ye wanted to ye done it, if it was football she did not mind. Me and granda watched it but not to the end because I had to go home. Usually ye were just reading if stuff was there and it was all quiet and nobody doing nothing except if my grannie was at the sink or the kitchen cupboard oh and she banged a pot and ye all jumped. Oh Vera ye would wake the dead! That was my granda and just laughing and making big eyes. She would wake the dead son, that grannie of yours.

They were all in their graves, all the dead bodies, then coming out and it was nighttime and there was the moon and a wolf howling at ye, oh mammy, and it all was creaking so the waking dead. And ye just thought about it and if ye were going home ye walked down the road and passed the corners of streets and who was going to jump out at ye and there was the pavement and away ye could see a man coming to ye he was walking down to ye and oh ye better get out his road and just walk into the side of the building so he will not see ye he will not notice ye but just walk straight and his eyes no seeing ye if it is a murderer or who, a waking dead. Matt said it. Oh it is the waking dead!

When I was wee he said it to be creepy and make me feared. Just when he put out the light to jump into bed. Oh the zombies are here! I pulled the blankets over my head and he was just laughing. Oh there is the waking dead going to get ye! The zombies are here. Oh and they are going to get Kieron.

My grannie and granda asked about him. Oh where is Matt we have not seen him? Grannie said it. But granda was looking as well. Aye son, where is that brother of yours we do not see him.

Oh he is swotting all the time, that is all he does.

My Auntie May was back staying with grannie. She had troubles. Auntie May never spoke much to me but now she did, a wee bit. Oh now Kieron give me a kiss. She said stuff about the new house and if my mum was keeping fine and how was my dad? So if Matt was doing good at school was he going to College? People said it. Oh Matt is a brainy boy and he is going to College. He will do well for himself. People wanted to know if he was going to College. My granda as well. If Auntie May was saying it ye saw him and grannie were listening. Oh Matt is going to College. Oh that is smashing. Oh is he top of the class? Well he must be. He is just clever and good at all his lessons.

I could have been good at my lessons. They did not think it. Auntie May said, What about you Kieron, are you getting on at your lessons?

The boy is good with his hands, said my grannie. She said it to me, You are good with yer hands son never you worry.

But I could be good at my lessons too. But I did not want to be. But my grannie did not know it. I did not care.

Except she did not think it. How come she did not think it? I could easy have done my lessons, easy. So could Gary McNab and he was a dunce. He just laughed at stuff. I did too. My grannie did not know everything. People thought she did. Oh if yer grannie says it son. That was what my granda said. Oh she is the best.

But she did not know I could be good too.

***

A thing happened. Me and other boys were talking about stuff. I was saying how a boy climbed the ronepipe. It was the same street as Billy MacGregor. He stayed across the back from me but it was faraway and hard to see his house. He did not know who the boy was. So I was going home from school and that was it. I did not think I was going to climb the ronepipe. But then if I did. What if? I started running. Because if I did. Maybe I would.

So if I was going to do it. Well I would soon see. Maybe I would not. But I went fast in the close and up the stairs in the house and into my old trousers and sandshoes.

I did the lock on the kitchenette door and left it open. So I was going to do it. I was. And I did not go out on the balcony, just back down the stairs again.

Out in the backcourt I looked up at the ronepipe a while, just to see. The family below us had the same one. When ye went up ye passed their balcony and could put a foot on it but if they saw ye, ye had to watch it, because they would just tell on ye. So if ye just passed it and went up to yours. I was the top flat. So if I went up past the bit where the wee pipes joined.

I was looking and looking and then I just done it. I was thinking what to do and could not think it all, so I just got up on the wee pipe at the ground and then just up and up and it was the greatest thing. I did not do anything except go and did not look down except at the balcony below mine. I put my foot on the edge for a wee second and saw down then. But I just went back on the ronepipe and up again and there was my balcony wall and I was climbing beside it and up to the top of it and getting my elbow onto the wall there and then a grip on the wee bar that went round it and it was easy and I was over and jumping down into the balcony floor. I leaned back over to see down where I had come but just a minute. I went into the kitchenette and ben the lobby into the bathroom. I done the lawy and was washing my hands. Wee scratches and bits of bleeding were on my knuckles, the skin was tore. It was the greatest thing, just the greatest thing. Maybe Pat had seen me, if he was looking out the window, or somebody, maybe the street across the back, if that other boy saw me. I went back out the balcony and looked out, seeing down. Somebody was out at a midden away closes along from me. If they had seen me, maybe they had. Then the kitchenette door, somebody was chapping it, Matt was home from school.

I wanted to tell him, I was going to, lucky for me I did not. Then my maw came home and I was to set the table for tea. Matt did not have to because he was doing his homework. I did not care. That was me now and I had my whole place that was just my whole place and it was a complete place. That was the balcony, it was my balcony. I looked out the living-room window to see if Pat and Danny were out with a ball. They were not. Usually they did not at this time, they were getting their tea. I could just go up for Pat. I could just wait for him. I looked down the field and saw people away down over the burn. Who was that? If it was Squatters. Even if it was Cochise. Could he even climb the balcony? Maybe he could not. Who else could? I was going to do it again. Not tonight. I could never do it if people were in but after school I could and I just would do it. Except tomorrow was Saturday so only it had to be Monday.