James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

People never pumped, just never never, but sometimes ye got smells. It all was points if ye done it good. Ye done it the whole night for all games and all what happened. Mr Hope counted it up. Points went for good attenders, if ye were a regular attender. If ye went all the nights. Ye would go all the nights. We all went. So ye got a prize at the very end. If it was Perfect Attendance that meant the Sunday School as well, and ye got a Bible book except just with the Psalms.

The two Sunday School teachers came to the Prize Night. Ours was Mr Beaton and we were seeing how he walked. I wished he would do it good. They had on their BB uniforms and leather gloves. They marched up to Mrs Milligan and gived her the smartest salutes. But she gived a smartest one to them and we thought she was the best at it. I got my Bible book. It was a wee one but it was good and I liked it, how all its pages were just all new and just crispy, and ye smelled it, it just smelled good and how the pages all fell blue and white and it was all just yours with your name.

Everybody split into groups and ye had leaders in each one. The top boys got a special white cover on their hats and white lanyards and white sandshoes. Mattie had them when he was there. They kept them white with clay. He used to do it and I watched him. Our top boy was Gordon Fletcher. He was good at all the things. Just everything, and he had all stuff sewn on his jersey, it was badges. Ye got them when ye done good stuff and yer maw sewed them on. Gordon Fletcher was just the very best. The races started and I was running and he said, Oh fast as ye can Smiddy.

That was me, Smiddy. It was my turn to go out in the race and I was sitting waiting ready and oh just waiting and just ready. And he said it to me, Fast as ye can Smiddy.

So that was me, Smiddy.

Oh if your name is Smith, you are Smiddy. That was Gordon Fletcher, he said it to me. You are Smiddy.

I said it to my granda, if I was Smiddy. Oh aye son if yer name is Smith then ye are Smiddy.

I said it to Matt but he just looked and did not say anything back.

So that was me now Smiddy. Smiddy Smiddy. I was glad. People did not like Kieron, that was how they acted. I liked it. So Smiddy. Other boys said it. The same in school. Oh Smiddy! Oh there is Smiddy.

And it was me. It was just me, Smiddy. I wanted people to call me it, lasses as well, they just looked, Oh Smiddy. I liked lasses saying it.

The Lifies was the best of all and Gordon Fletcher and if ye won yer race he gived ye a wink. So you were the best wee boy, that was Gordon saying it, if he just winked, so if ye done a good race or what if it was good points for the team. He said that, team. It was just a team like football, ye were all just playing and ye all were men, Oh is that man in your team? Whose man is he? Is he your man?

And they were just talking about you or another boy. Who is next man? Oh it is me. It was you, you were next man. Ye called them man.

They were relay-races and ye had wee bags to pass to the next man and they were beanbags. They changed the team about. If fast boys were in one then they switched them so ye got close races. If ye had a slow runner second in yer group then ye would have a fast runner for yer third one. If yer first man was a medium runner maybe two of the weer ones would be fast. It got evened up. Ye saw the way one group might have a long lead after three rounds. Then other ones were catching up. So it was the last round and the weest boys in the whole troop sitting and waiting and all just ready. And everybody cheering and yer own group would be shouting yer name, whatever it was, Smiddy Smiddy Smiddy. And even if yer last man was not a good runner ye would still be cheering because sometimes boys ran faster and ye did not think they would and they just beat the good ones and it was great.

Some ran faster and other ones slower. Boys had too skinny legs or else if they had a bad leg or maybe there was something wrong with them so they could not run right. Or if they were too lanky, just lanky skinny malinkies. Or else too wee. Wee boys could be good racers and so could skinny malinkies but no fat ones, fatsos if ye called them that. A man in my street was a fatso. My da said that. Oh there is fatso, if we saw him out the window.

The best racer usually was just if ye were medium. But then for the other competitions ye might get fatsos or skinny malinkies being the winners if they were good at other stuff. Ye did not get football because there were too many boys but ye could get games with balls and I liked them, if it was keepie-uppy or else if ye had to dribble yer ball down to a marker and then dribble it back. Some boys could not do it and their balls would go flying everywhere and maybe your team was the winner and other ones still had men out running. When yer team finished ye all sat on the floor with yer legs crossed and yer hands on yer knees or else arms folded and yer back straight. That was how ye were to sit, and if Mr Hope took Mrs Milligan down to see ye ye all were sitting straight.

At the end of the night Mrs Milligan said, Oh Mr Hope, please read out the points!

So then Mr Hope would read out the points and have them all added up. So who has won this week's competition?

And oh if it was Gordon Fletcher's team well that was us. And all people would cheer ye. Ours won it a lot of times. So then it was eyes closed for the prayer to our gracious Queen. Oh we beseech ye oh God and we pray to ye for thy servant Elizabeth our Queen, her husband and their children. Oh grant ye we will stand steadfast on the side of right for them and spread goodness and happiness where'er we go, for the Lord's sake we ask it and it is in the power and the glory, amen.

Dismissed! We all saluted Mrs Milligan and Mr Hope and they saluted us back.

So that was us. We just had to go home.

But if ye helped to tidy up. If ye could. I tried to, I liked it. It was benches and mats lying on the floor, and then if it was the storeroom and it was all jumbled, beanbags and all balls lying and ye were just to put things in their place. The top boys all done it. Gordon Fletcher. And after ye finished ye just said cheerio to everybody and Mr Hope would lock up. He had the keys to the Church hall and all Church places. If ye went in there where the Services were it would just be the Church and all the lights out, all just dark.

Me and Terry ran to catch up another boy. Usually we done that. Terry stayed three closes down from my grannie. We came round that way from the Church and there was a chip shop on the corner.

If I was by myself and it was dark nights I went round the streets to go home. If Terry was there or else it was light nights ye could cut through the close across the backcourts and over the dyke.

But it was different in the dark. Lights only were coming from the back windows up the tenements and ye could not see where ye were going. Ye had to watch no to step in mud or a puddle or else in jobby, dogs were aye doing jobbies, or else ye watched for broken glass. That happened a lot. If ye fell ye sliced yer knee. Or nails in yer sandshoes, if it was rusty. One went in Terry's and a woman pulled it out but his maw took him to the hospital. He went off school because of it.

Then if ye ran in the dark and if ye met a dog, oh ye would frighten it and it would bark and run away or if it growled and would go for ye so ye had to stay dead still, just wait. Sssh boy, sssh, sssh, sssh, just whispering and the dog would just be looking, Oh sssh, sssh, and then maybe if it just went away, well so could you.

Men frightened ye as well. If they did not mean it, usually they did not. But if it was a bad man.

People said it to the wee ones and laughed but it made ye jump. Oh it is a bad man going to get ye. Or a bogie man was like a ghost. There is a ghost. Oh mammy, there is a bogie man. Or if it was a phantom strangler. My brother said it. Oh a phantom strangler is going to get you. But I just laughed back, he was just saying it.