James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

A boy always got money for chips. Me and Terry went with him. He shared his chips with us. But if he gived one to me and no to Terry or if it was two chips and he gave them to Terry and no to me. That was what he done.

Oh there is a big chip. Oh take it Terry, here is a wee one for Smiddy.

So ye got sick of it. So he held a chip out so ye were to take it and then he would bring it back quick and just eat it and laugh at ye. I would have belted him. I thought I would, but I did not, and ye always thought Oh here is the chip now and sometimes it was, he just gave ye it. Oh I am just kidding. That was what he said.

We ate the chips at the corner. I walked home after and ye were sad, just how the Lifies would not come again and it was away next week. Up in the house ye had toast for supper. Sometimes my maw made it, usually it was me. I liked making it.

***

I did not know we were moving to a new house and then we were so that was us. It was away away and ye needed the subway and then the bus or else ye could get a train and then too if ye wanted the ferry, the ferry took ye instead of the subway and it did not cost ye nothing.

My da came home from the Navy for good, he was getting a job on dry land. He was tired out and it was his holiday but my maw did not have the holiday and was getting all ready to go to a new house. That was where we were going. Uncle Billy was back from England and was helping with the flitting. I was to keep out the way and was at my grannie's. Her and granda did not like us going away. She was saying it to him. How could they travel all those miles to see us? They could not. And what about the boys? That was me and Matt. Running up and down the stair every ten minutes? Once we flitted that would be us and we would not come back.

If we were too faraway, they would never see us because we would never come to visit if it was a train to take. We would never come and see them, that was what my grannie was saying, how it was my da's fault. If it was not for him and just how he wanted the new house, it was him to blame if he did not wait and see if there was something better. Why did he not just wait?

My grannie was shaking her head and granda was just looking. Oh but it could not be my maw's fault. She would not want to be miles away, it was too far. It was my da's fault. He knew it would be hard for her and granda. Granda could hardly get up and down the stairs, that was his breath, so he did not go places, just stayed in the house, so they never went places, just seeing the walls of the house and my grannie got sick of it, oh she did, that was what she was saying. Oh we just never go anyplace, and she was sad saying it.

It is not my fault Vera.

It is like a prison. Except for the messages I would never go out.

Aye but it is not my fault.

It is not mine.

No, no. Granda lifted his newspaper and was reading it and my grannie turned on the tap at the sink and was seeing out the window, her back to us, ye could not see her face. My granda was looking at her. She would not say anything. My grannie done that and just did not say anything and ye were wishing she would.

And you would do it for her, whatever it was, ye would just do it, if it was her messages, Oh grannie I will go yer messages. Can I go yer messages?

My grannie turned to see me.

I always went the messages for my grannie and would always go them, so if it was a train to take, I would still go them. I liked going them, only if it was a heavy pile of potatos and all vegetables, carrots and turnips, it was just a heavy bag and it was two hands going up the stair. The shops were round the corner along the road and I knew the ones to go to, if they gived ye good food, some of them did not. My grannie said the ones that were not good, Oh do not go there he is a cheat if his potatos are old and how his carrots are just soft.

Grannie I can go yer messages.

I forgot the wee boy was there, she said.

He is in his hideout, said granda, he is playing possum. Sure ye are son?

Well I am no a wee boy.

Ye have got big ears.

Oh but I can go grannie's messages, even if it is the new place, I can just come back.

See what I am saying? said granda. The boy is never away from here. He is not going to stop now. His big brother too.

But we will never get to visit them.

Aye we will.

Oh Larry.

We will.

My grannie was looking at me and was sad. Ye will need to go home soon. Then to granda, I forgot he was there.

It is his memory, said granda. Everything ye say, he is taking notes, that is weans for ye.

Granda said weans but my maw did not like it. Oh it is children, they are not weans they are children. And if it was words the same, oh she did not like it, aye and cannay dae. Aye but I cannay dae that. My granda said that. Aye but I cannay dae. It is not aye and cannay dae it is yes and cannot do.

Take an apple son. My grannie touched me on the shoulder. I got the apple and squashed back in at the side of the grate.

My seat was here, it was a stool. A big cupboard was at the side and my head went against it. I liked it here how ye could just see everything and were out the way. If ye were reading, ye could just read. Sometimes I was sleeping, if I woke up, it was time to go home, my grannie just there, she done things at the sink and the table or else the cupboard if she was making soup and had all the onions and carrots and stuff and all just was chopping it up.

My granda sat on his chair no faraway. He read the paper or else with the wireless on. He did not like television. If he just read and the wireless was not on ye could hear his breaths. My grannie did not care about the wireless. If he went ben the front room she just turned it off. Oh a wee bit peace son.

My grannie's house was better than ours. I just liked it, except if my big brother was there, so if he was, I just came home or maybe out to play. Usually I went to my grannie's every day. My maw telled me not to. Oh it is too much. But I just did. I telled her I was going for new books to the library. I ran fast to the library and got the books then went fast to my grannie. She liked to see the books and if I was talking about them. So did granda. What is the story son?

So I told them if it was adventures and just saying all what it was, if it was in a woods and children were straying oh and what happened if it was a bear going to get them or else a wicked man who had an axe and how he had funny shoes if they went up at the front where his toes were, and his trousers too. His legs were just skinny and funny knees sticking out. Oh I am going to get you, oh and ye were hiding if it was the boy and girl and behind a bush.

My grannie was laughing. So was granda. But my grannie's laugh was funny, Ohhh ohhh and her hand covering her mouth. Granda pointed at her and she still laughed, Ohhh ohhh.

***

Uncle Billy came home for the weekend to help with the flitting. His old pal was there too. His name was Chick. He got a van from his work. He could drive it and was doing all the lifting for our furniture, him and Uncle Billy and my da. My da did not have pals here, he had them in all other places and through in Fife, that was where they stayed.

Matt could help but I was not to, I was too wee and would get in the road so just stay in yer grannie's. But I would have been a help. I would have carried wee stuff. My da said I was to go and hurry up because it was going to rain soon. I had to stay in my grannie's till my maw came and got me.

My maw gived me a piece on cheese but I did not feel like it and flung it in the midden when I was going over the back. I went slow up the stairs and sat down on the steps for a wee while. I was fed up with stuff and did not like how it all happened, and just because ye were wee. If I could have helped, I would have carried stuff too. There was a lot of things. It was not fair how my da done stuff. My maw too. How come it was always Matt? Everything was for him. That was what I saw how he got everything. That was if ye were the oldest. The young ones did not get anything. If Matt only was to do things. How was that fair? It was not.