James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

You are not the boss.

Shut it.

I ran to see out the window. Oh ye better not walk there too much, it is my side of the room. That is yours at the door.

Away ye go, I said and just went out the room. He wanted me to. I went down the lobby to see the bathroom. The door was open. I went in and saw the bath. I turned on the water and pchohhh, it gushed out and splashed back on me. Then a wash-hand basin. It was beside the lawy bowl. I done the lawy and washed my hands. There was no towel but and I just had to use toilet paper.

My da was with Uncle Billy and his old pal Chick. They were sitting at the window drinking beer and sherry wine. Uncle Billy was laughing, Oh the old sherry wine is a good friend of mine.

I went to see other house bits. My maw and da's room was there. I pushed the door and went in. My maw was standing near the bed and all clothes were there on top and she was hiding her neck and chest. Oh Kieron, she said, Kieron. Oh do not do that Kieron you must knock the door. Knock the door before you enter. You cannot just come in.

Sorry mum.

You must knock if it is a bedroom and someone is there.

Sorry mum.

I went in to see the living room again. There was no many seats. I was just sitting on a cushion on the floor. Chick was saying about something then was a bad swear word. Uncle Billy laughed but my da saw me. What are you doing here?

I am just sitting.

Well sit somewhere else.

Uncle Billy said, Oh Kierie boy! Do ye like yer new house. Oh Kierie boy!

I went into the kitchenette and was looking here and then the door to go out and that was the balcony.

The door out was locked. The key was in the lock. I opened it but oh the rain was coming hard. But I just looked out. It was smashing, it was just smashing. I was going to get my coat to go out but my maw came in. She opened her message bags and got out the bread and cheese for sandwiches.

I helped with it. She was happy and saying how it was a great house.

Then was a loud tune from out in the street. I went ben the living room to see. It was a ice-cream van. Everybody looked out the window. There it was and people were queuing to buy their stuff. Oh we will make it a feast, said Uncle Billy. It is me and I am paying, do not worry.

Oh but, said my da.

No. It is me. Uncle Billy was laughing and he held up his glass. It is for the new house.

Chick was laughing as well. My maw was there and writing it down on paper. It was all sweeties and two bottles of ginger, six packets of potato crisps and two ten packets of cigarettes. Then she was laughing too. Oh Billy what about my sandwiches?

Oh we will eat them and all.

We are starving, said Chick.

I did not see her laughing much but now she was. Matt too was there and he was laughing too. What for? I did not know what for. If it was the ice-cream van and we were all getting stuff. I do not know. My da was looking over at my maw.

Uncle Billy went into his pocket and piled money into my hands. Oh Kierie boy.

My da said, You go as well Matt. He cannot manage it all on his own.

I can, I said.

Oh you will make a mistake. Matt, you go as well.

Put on yer coat, said my maw.

Heh son give yer brother the money, said my da.

Oh I can take it, I said.

Give him the money.

Now Uncle Billy got more money. Chocolates as well Matt, that is for your mother. Oh you are my darling big sister and I lo ye dearly.

Uncle Billy winked to all us. His old pal Chick was laughing and looking at my maw. I did not see him where we used to stay. He came from a street near the library and used to work beside Uncle Billy. Not now he was in England. Uncle Billy was staying in his house for the night. If he got drunk sometimes, my grannie and granda did not like it. Uncle Billy was saying it and making people laugh.

No my maw but, she just shaked her head.

Uncle Billy was good and ye got stuff off him. Ye just watched it when him and my da were drinking. One time he pushed me. But he did not mean it. I was walking past the couch and he leaned and it was a push on the shoulder for a joke. I was just wee and I fell on the floor. Oh sorry son sorry son. I did not mean to do it.

That was near the fire, said my maw.

Oh sorry.

Ye do not know your own strength.

My da was laughing. Oh he was just playing.

But that was a drink in him. My grannie said it, Oh if Billy gets a drink in him.

If he had money he gived ye it. In the old place he took me and Matt to the pictures. He just used to come up for us and said it, Coats on boys, and that was us away. Then two times to see the Rangers. That was great. I loved it. So did Matt.

My da did not take us many places. He needed a good job first. And if he could not get one. Well, he would have to. He did not want to go back to sea. Except if he had to that was that. Uncle Billy was saying to him about how it was jobs in England, if ye were getting big money and just all overtime, yer digs money, and ye saved it all up and that was you. He came home a lot of times. Ye got a bus down there and it took ye all the way back. Ye just got big money then came home and bought stuff. Ye just worked for it and ye got it, because the jobs were down there. My da was looking over at my maw. Then he was looking at me and Matt and we went down to the ice-cream van.

***

Our family and another one was first up our close. Ye had all the smells. Stones and concrete and everything that was going, all new, we had it, it was smashing, and ye were wondering who was going to be yer neighbours. I was wanting to go out and see stuff, just how everything was all new and all people that were new. But there was nobody to play with. Matt did not know boys either. When he went out I went with him and saw stuff all roundabout. But if he stayed in the room, usually he did, he was doing lessons all the time and just swotting. It was my room too but he did not want me in it. Oh it spoils my concentration.

My maw said it too. Oh Kieron it is his concentration, if you can just be quiet, he is doing his homework. Oh it is a ink-exercise, your brother is doing a ink-exercise.

I was not to go into his side of the room. Oh it is a house rule, it is a house rule.

Who said?

Me.

Who is me?

Him. He made the rule, and it was for the complete house. Then came the new beds. But the way they fixed things all was wrong and just not fair. It was the exact same sides. He got the window and I got the door. So if my side of the room had the door he always went in it when he came in. Then he went out, so that was him in my side again. But I was not to set foot in his. Oh keep to yer own side, do not set foot in mine.

But if his side had the window? So how come? I was not to look out the window. What if it was mine? If he had the door and I had the window. He would have wanted to look out. But if it was me coming in the door and it was his side, how did I come in. If I was going to my bed. Oh you cannot come in my side. Oh if ye get a ladder to climb up.

Because he would not have let me through. That was my house. How bad it was. Going to yer bed at night, ye would have to go outside and climb up a ladder.

I did not care about his side except the window. How come he had it? It was not fair at all, I could not even look out. If I just wanted to see. If it was getting dark, or raining, if it was pelting down or what. I just wanted to look out and I could not, so that was not fair. How come I could not just look out? That was all. How come I was not allowed to? Oh away ben the living room if ye want to look out the window.

That was what he said. Oh away out on the balcony. Ye love the balcony. Away out on it.

I did love the balcony. So what? If he had the bedroom, so the balcony was a place for me. If I was not even to go in my own bedroom. If it was his. The whole bedroom.