James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

My maw was at her work. My da took me to the hospital and I was walking and Mattie there too.

Oh my da hated waiting. My wee boy's arm is broke. The people all were looking at me oh poor wee boy. But we were just to sit. Oh Mr Smith the nurse is coming.

He hated waiting and it was ages. Ye just had to sit. But out came the nurse to get me. Oh who is this boy, we know this boy, oh his arm is broken. Oh poor Kieron.

And she took me ben the room. Then there was the big boy that I flung the brick at. He was with his maw and sitting beside a stretcher but he was not on it. His head had bandages.

I was into a wee room and the nurse was looking and my da was rubbing my head.

So it was a stookie on my arm. The bone would get better. If it knitted. The bone was knitting. The stookie was round it to keep it straight and if it was straight it knitted. They tied a white sheet in a sling round my shoulder and elbow. I was to keep my elbow in the sling and if I did not the bone would not knit.

When we were walking home my da stopped at the chip shop and got bags of chips. I could not hold mine. I had to just eat out his and Mattie's. Up in the house my grannie and granda were there and I was to write my name on the stookie but it was the wrong hand and I could not write. My da got me to do it, he held my hand with the pen then got my fingers to do it the right way. Everybody was laughing.

Then da and granda wrote their names on it but my maw and my grannie would not. Matt did not want to write his name on it. I would have let him. My da said to do it, so then he did.

Me and him were in the same bed and he was banging my arm. He did not mean it. I woke up with it happening. I was kept off school. My da went back to sea and I went to my grannie's till my maw came home from work. I had books from the library. When I went back to school people wrote their names on the stookie. The lasses laughed. Ones that I liked were there and I wanted them to write their name but they did not.

Yer fingers poked out the plaster but not enough so ye could write. Ye were not supposed to do anything except sit at the desk and listen hard to what the teacher was saying. Ye tried writing with yer left hand. My granda got me to try. Ye gripped the pencil tight but yer fingers could not work it.

I could run but not for playing football. It was too sore. I took my elbow out the sling so my arm was hanging down. My fingers fitted into my trouser pocket but it was too sore.

When the stookie got taken off my arm was skinny, white and blue. Oh it is Rangers. My granda said that.

He showed me exercises. He pushed my fingers back and forward. Then I was to hold his fingers, if I could grip them, just tight as tight then slack then tight then slack. Other things. And holding stones. My granda had special stones and all smooth. He was good at sharpening and he did all knives and scissors. He did it for the women up the close. I saw a woman when I was going up the stair. Oh take this knife to yer granda son.

He had the stone and just rubbed the knife hard and being careful with it. He showed me how to, and it was special stones that were good for it. He kept them in a drawer and I was not to take them out the house. I was to hold them and squeeze them then slack and then squeeze. My grannie said he was not to, it would not be good but he said it would be good and I needed to get back to my drawing. He knew about all exercises because of his training, he did all the training. My grannie said, Oh I will take the boy swimming that is the best thing. You can just come and watch.

Oh I will come.

My granda said that but he did not.

***

I knew how to swim now and grannie was taking me. I ran up the stairs to get her. Their house was up the top flat. I bent down to see through the letterbox. My granda came to the door. Who is it?

Me.

But he knew it was me, laughing to grannie. Oh there is the boy Vera no escape now.

The swimming baths were the busiest on Saturdays and the noisiest ever ye could get. My grannie gived me a look when she saw all the people. Her eyes went big and from side to side. Oh Kieron, but she did not blame me. She went up the stair to the ladies' changing cubicles and I went to the boys', then was into my trunks and out in the pond swimming about.

But where was she? She still did not come. I swam and swam for ages. If something had happened. I did not know. How come she was not there? I done more swimming, diving down to touch the bottom. I was good at underwater swimming. I learned it before I could swim on the top. Down at the deep end big boys were diving for stuff. They chipped a penny out to the middle then diving off the side and staying underwater till they picked it off the bottom. The men attendants did not bother so all the boys diving, it was great, except ye had to watch out if the penny was too near the deep end because people were diving off the dale, and if they landed on top of ye, their arms would have smashed into ye, if they would break their arms or what if it was head to head, them diving down on top of yer head like that yer heads would both be smashed, ye would be dead, they would just crack. Heads cracked, and it was like eggs. Then the blood all spilling and it would be into the water, and it would be yours. Then my grannie, if she saw ye and ye were just lying there on top of the water or else sinking to the bottom, maybe ye would, if ye cracked yer head, so what would happen then? If ye might be dead so ye were away to Heaven or else Hell, and then yer grannie seeing ye. Oh poor wee soul, he is my wee grandson, oh poor wee boy if he is dead.

Where was she? She still had not come out the ladies' door. I was swimming for ages and she still had not come out. And ye could not see her up at the ladies' changing cubicles, then seeing the clock, then the divers up the dale. I was going to do it again. I tried it once and hurt myself and I had not tried it again. No many wee boys done the dale. It was my head I hurt, my arms were not straight out right so the water smacked it and it was just like the worst punch or else if it was a hammer, just plohhhh, plohhhh, and I was coming up and up and I got on the rail, my hands on it, I just held on a minute till then I went up the steps onto the side and into the showers and was just dizzy and sat down at the wall. Matt was there and he saw me. I just sat there. After I got up I went to my cubicle and sat on the wee seat and did not go back in the water, and then my face felt hot.

I wanted to dive it again. It was just to get it right and yer arms the gether and straight out. What some boys did was go steps at a time. Ye started from the second step and so on till ye reached the top. I could do the steps. It was only the dale. I needed to try it again. But no the now, no with my grannie. Then I saw a wee boy. He climbed the steps right up. He saw the dale was clear, took a wee run and dived straight off. I had not seen a wee boy do it like that before. He was weer than me and his swimming was just like splashing about. Then he done it again, just ran up the steps onto the dale and dived right off. He was dripping wet too so ye thought he could slip but he did not. And he did not hurt his head. Maybe I could. Yer hands had to be touching. If they were too apart the water smacked ye. I was shivering. Sometimes it was cold. Oh but I wanted to try it. Who was that wee boy with?

His pals. If it was his grannie or his brother they would not let him.

The dale was empty I could just run up. Ye could go on the dale just to look. Ye had to watch it if somebody came and bumped ye.

Oh but I wanted to do it. But what if my grannie saw me?

Where was my grannie? Maybe if something bad had happened, I wanted to go and see but could not because it was through the ladies' door and ye could not if ye were a boy, if they saw ye it was just dirty, ye were trying to see them so if they had no clothes on. Some boys tried to look. I did not. Ye were trying no to. They came down from the upstairs. They had their cubicles round the upstairs, a railing went round the edge.